I went through a phase where I had to try every glass dildo that crossed my path. I tried bumpy ones, swirled ones, tiny ones, pointy ones, curved ones, bulbed ones, and even one with terrifying spikes on it. The last frontier was “juicer”-style dildos, so I tried two of those. Done with that conquest, I sorta ran out of ideas. And desire.

After some time away from glass, I recently returned to an old haunt: the Candy-Colored Standard Glass Dildo. This is one of those toys that fledgling sex toy reviewers drool all over. I mean, this picture of all the different colors is like sex toy reviewer porn. I distinctly remember thinking, damn, I’ll never be able to get that toy.

Years later, I am badass enough that not only did Babeland agree to my request, but they also helped me avoid getting a pink or purple version (!). So when I unwrapped the dildo, I flipped my sh**. It’s motherf***ing rainbow-colored. This is the gayest dildo ever. It’s like a circus in my vagina. I LOVE IT.

This dildo is made by Standard Glass, a small company that handmakes each dildo. Mine is 5" in circumference at its widest point, which is about 1.6" in diameter — bigger than the large end of the Pure Wand by a very very small measurement. It’s made of soda lime glass — not Pyrex — so it is sensitive to extreme temperatures and quick temperature changes. It should not be boiled or frozen but can be warmed or cooled with water.

Beautiful design and colors! The two-bulbed end of the Dildo is just not a very good G-spotting implement. Because of the length of the two bulbs, it must be nestled past the pubic bone, where space is limited and serious thrusting is out of the question. It can be rocked back and forth or jiggled, but it still provides only minimal-to-medium G-spot stimulation.

Like all good glass toys, this toy is awesome for temperature play. With the bumps and cold very cold or warm water nearby, the combo is more sensuous to me than just roughhousing with a toy. Since you don't want to thrust very hard with this toy, sensual play turns this toy into a new accessory for romance. G-spot stimulation isn't easy at all with this. As there are no curves whatsoever, I've found that at just slightly the wrong angle, this toy can feel all kinda of wrong when inserted. The bumps are very interesting to feel if you insert it slowly, though, and as long as the angle is kept just right, it all works out nicely.

Make sure to have toy cleaner after each use, and it also won’t hurt to wash it like you do your dishes in the sink with hot soapy water. Make sure you have a sag or a plastic container to store it. Don’t just throw it in a drawer, it could crack chip or break, and that would suck. Always use lube; this toy will suck all the moisture out of you especially when it’s cold.

Nice packaging and it was well cushioned for the trip, so it won’t break! Not heavy and exciting to rip open.