I am a true beginner, as beginnery as they come (pun entirely intended). I had never used a dildo before this one. So I bought this, because a) reviews said it was good for beginners, b) it is described as being soft, and c) it's pink, and I like pink. Don't judge me.

So. It came in the mail and I was both excited and apprehensive to open it and see it in person. I love the color, because it really is cute. The color makes it friendlier somehow. I don't even mind the strawberry shower curtains smell that someone else mentioned (which is definitely there, but you don't notice it after a while). But alas, dear readers, I cannot fit this Buick of a penis into my poor, miniature gumbo pot. It simply will not fit. I have tried! I have tried gently. I have tried forcefully. I have tried not all that wet. I have tried very very wet. I have tried lying, I have tried sitting, I have tried standing, but this thing is Not. Going. In. Which is disappointing, because it really is fun to squeeze and such. It's fun to keep in my underwear drawer. Just knowing it is there makes me feel like a rebel. Hopefully my roommate will not go delving in there for any reason, but if she did, I already know what I would say: "Well, what were you doing in my underwear drawer, anyway!"

For now, this is my penis stress ball. I just take it out sometimes and squeeze it for fun. It's squishy (though not nearly as soft as I thought it would be), cheap, a pretty color, and fun to flop around. I just wish my vagina didn't shudder in fear every time I whipped it out. This thing is truly terrifying. It is not the length that is the problem. You don't have to put all of it in - it's how big around it is. My va-jay-jay has just made up its mind that it is not getting in there, and my va-jay-jay apparently has a very good home security system. Maybe I'll have better luck with the next one. But, all that to say, beginners beware. If you are not in possession of, shall we say, a two-car garage down there, this is not the fake penis for you.

Ultimately, I ended up throwing this one away. I couldn't get it to fit, it was super uncomfortable, and I couldn't boil it and sell it or give it away, so in the end, I thought it was best to just pitch it. Sad, because it was so cute! Hopefully I'll have better luck in the future.