So, I’m going to be honest. Not only have I not written a review in quite some time – consider it a random and unexpected hiatus – but I have also never reviewed a dildo, strap-on or even a dong.. Although I’m sure those are all basically the same thing.

The Basic Dong with Suction Cup is really as basic as they make it sound. As far as quality goes, it’s below average. Considering this dong is constructed of rubber, it is porous, meaning it is a bit unsanitary and hard to thoroughly clean. A small bonus is that the toy is phthalates free but of course you run into the fact that it is 100% rubber, and most people consider it a lower quality, not as decent material to use for dildos, dongs and the like.
However, I won’t be too down on this dong, because that definitely doesn’t take away from the fact that it really does do its job.

The feeling of this dong is a lot like greasy cheese. Yes, greasy cheese. The kind of light grease that is like a sheen over the cheese, and when you touch it, you get some of the residue on your fingers. And we're not talking about.. quality cheese - we're talking about those thin, square individually wrapped slices they advertise and put on grilled cheese for kids. That's the only way to really describe the texture. Not only that, but it collects lint and hair. So you basically have greasy, lint catching cheese to deal with when you own this dong.

Yes, and as you can see in the pictures, it does have a few veins. Unfortunately, it's not the kind that make you go "Ooh!", it's more or less just an aesthetic deal. You can lightly feel the veins if you run your hand down it, but again, you can't feel them and you won't notice them otherwise. When you hold him he is sort of floppy - he's firm, but I don't doubt that if you threw him on the ground that he wouldn't bounce right back into your hands. I suppose this is another downfall for rubber.

Something else I'd like to point out as well is that this dong SMELLS. We're not talking about a light rubber smell, we're talking about stinking up an entire drawer if this thing was placed in one - or better yet - having to quarantine everything that ever touches it. Remember that greasy cheese factor I talked about? Yeah, well it is now smelly, greasy cheese. So not only is it greasy and sticky, it also smells to high heaven.

I will let up the fire here and give some credit to the design. When it comes to how they designed the Basic Dong, they didn't stray far from the dong concept. The shape of the toy and the look does, surprisingly, look like a penis. The head looks great to me, the veins do look realistic. The only issue I had was that it really is not lacking on girth. Women that love girth will definitely enjoy this guy - it just really wasn't my cup of tea.

What I really loved about this dong from the get go was the fact that he has a suction cup! In my book, suction cups always add an interesting dynamic to any sort of sex toy. And boy, does the suction cup really work on this guy. The only downside is that it can only stick to tile-like surfaces. I never tested it on walls, etc., because that greasy characteristic rears its ugly head again. I really wouldn't want this dong leaving unwanted marks on the walls.

This dong is very awkward to hold if you don't use the suction cup. It's one of those things that you don't realize until you're in the heat of the moment; and that's probably the worst time, possible. My Master wanted me to use it for him and let's just say, I never used it again after that. The base of it, being the suction cup, is hard to grip so if you are laying on your back simulating missionary you'll have issues. In fact, I believe any position your body is in while trying to insert this guy into you will give you trouble. I had to literally grab it at the head and work off of that, just to get him inside of me. If you are to grab from the suction cup (which most people would do), he'll be folding and flopping everywhere. His best use is with the suction cup - you then don't have to do much of anything to actually use him as he is intended. This is where I had the most luck and he was actually fairly fun.

However, not everyone wants to go into their kitchen and ride a dong, so keep that in mind if you are thinking about buying him now or in the future.

If you are new to the whole dildo/dong department, the one piece of advice I will give you from a user with possibly a bit more experience is to make sure you always know the material of the item you're buying, using or wanting. It's how you keep you and your partner safe.

Since The Basic Dong is made of (Vinyl) rubber, you always want to use water and silicone based lubes. Rubber is also not very sanitary and hard to clean because it is a porous material, so what I advise is to seal him up in a plastic baggie (the ones you use for sandwiches) and then put him in any cooler area you keep your other toys. Not only will this help with keeping his smell from stinking up every other toy you have, but it will keep him protected from lint that he oh-so-loves to grab a hold of and the elements.

As far as washing him goes, I always use very hot water and mild, mild soap to clean him. You don't want to use something too abrasive or anything that will soak into him and possibly make you feel a bit icky down there if you decide to use him later.

Might I also add, you ALWAYS want to use a condom with toys of this material as again, the safety issue comes into play! I really wouldn't recommend him for anything anal, too. I've said it before but I'll say it again - Rubber is not sanitary and it's hard to clean. Always keep this in mind when using him and all should be fine.

Without my Master's permission, I probably will not purchase or review a dong or dildo again. Not to mention, this thing kind of killed it for me. I feel as if I couldn't have stooped lower when it comes to quality - I should have just gone into a sex toy shop up the road and gotten this guy. Even down to the way he was packaged, he looked like something you'd see hanging on the shelves in a shop. He seems and feels very "over the counter", if you will. I really wouldn't bother getting this dong unless you really are wanting to get something so cheap that it makes your mother cry.