What better way is there to celebrate the holidays than with a turkey baster for your ass? It's good enough to stick in the bird’s bum, so why shouldn't it be good enough to stick in your bum? Why should poultry have all the fun right?

Ok, so the Cleaner Torpedo isn't actually a turkey baster, but it comes pretty close to one in looks and design. Unlike an actual baster the nozzle of the Torpedo is not made out of hard plastic. The entire Torpedo is made out of smooth black phthalates-free PVC, and therefore it is flexible from nozzle to bulb. A turkey baster can also be separated for cleaning purposes, but the Torpedo is one piece connected by glue where the bulb meets the nozzle. Even with these noticeable differences, do yourself a favor and don't leave this little cleaner anywhere near the kitchen, just in case some unknowing visitor decides to stick it inside your dinner *cringe.*

This toy was manufactured for use as an anal douching tool geared towards people who participate in anal sex, those who might want to tidy things up in their rectum, and individuals who just have the urge to experiment with an anal douche. The Torpedo lives up to it's intended purpose, and it makes the process of anal douching quite easy to grasp. Now you may be sitting there asking yourself: "how exactly do you douche?" Well lucky for you I have constructed a set of ten easy steps to guide you through the process. These will be helpful if you decide to purchase the Cleaner Torpedo as it did not come with any directions of it's own.

1.)Clean your Cleaner Torpedo before use. This isn't a necessary step, but it is one I always take before using new toys.

2.)Set aside a cup or container with warm water that you will use as a reservoir for the douche. Make sure the water isn't too hot or cold as this can cause discomfort. You can use some kind of anal douche mixture either homemade (their are various online sites with recipes), or bought but I would suggest just using warm water as these mixtures could possibly cause irritation.

3.)Squeeze the bulb to expel as much air as possible.

4.) Insert the nozzle into the water and release the pressure on the bulb, this will cause water to be sucked up into the nozzle and into the bulb.

5.)Pull the Torpedo out of the water and flip it so that the bulb is on the bottom. Squeeze the bulb to let out some of the air left inside of the Torpedo. Put the Torpedo's nozzle back into the water and release the bulb to add more water to the bulb. Repeat this step until the desired amount of water is inside the bulb.

6.) Next you will be inserting the nozzle inside of your rectum. Although it is not necessary I would strongly suggest using lube to ease the insertion process. Insert the nozzle as far as you are comfortable with.

7.) Once the nozzle is in place squeeze the bulb to release water from the nozzle.

8.) This is so important that I decided to make it a separate step from #7, make sure when you squeeze the bulb to release the water you do not release the bulb. Make sure you remove the Torpedo from your rectum before you let go of the bulb, because in doing so whatever is around the tip of the nozzle will be drawn into the Torpedo IE: air, water, or whatever is floating around in your bum.

9.)Repeat steps 6-8 until the bulb is empty, or you want to stop.

10.) Right about now or soon after you will begin to feel the urge to produce a bowel movement. You should pass most of the water on the first try, but it could take a try or two more than that to expel all of the water.

11.)Clean your Cleaner Torpedo.

I would suggest this toy for beginners to anal douching, because it is simple, inexpensive (about $9.00 on other sites), and easy to use. That being said, I would not use this toy more than a few times at the most, because of the limitations put onto it in the cleaning area. If you find that you enjoy this product I would suggest buying a higher quality anal douching system. This is why I would not suggest it for more advanced users, because I would believe they had used an anal douche before, and would therefore want something a little better quality that would last longer.

The Cleaner Torpedo is made out of smooth black phthalates free PVC. The shiny material collects fingerprints, but besides that and the occasional piece of hair or lint it does not noticeably attract things to get stuck to it's surface. The smooth material and texture of the "Torpedo" help to make insertion more comfortable for the user. The Torpedo smells like plastic, more specifically the kind of plastic used in a blow up kiddy pool. It has no taste, not that you would want to put it anywhere near your mouth after it's been used.

The Cleaner Torpedo has a length of 9 3/4" and an insert-able length of 5 1/2". The Torpedo has a circumference of 3 3/4" and a diameter of 1 1/8." The nozzle of the Cleaner Torpedo is very comfortable. I personally inserted most of it comfortably with ease, but it is not necessary to insert all of it to achieve the desired effects.

The entire douche is hollow and because of this the walls cave if too much pressure is placed upon them. This can cause a little trouble upon insertion, but if the Torpedo is easily and gradually eased into your anus than this doesn't create too much of a problem. The hollowness and flexibility of the toy makes it so that the douche bends to fit your bodies curves, and although it's flexible, it's firm enough to fulfill it's purpose.

The top of the Torpedo has three holes at the top in a triangle shape. The shape, and setup of the holes reminds me a lot of the three holes you place your fingers in, in a bowling ball. The placement of the three holes ensure that water is dispersed in all directions instead of just in a single stream.

The one big drawback of the design is the fact that the nozzle is glued to the bulb and therefore they cannot be separated. This causes some difficulty when it comes to cleaning. Another smaller drawback of the design is that it can't sit up on it's own unless you lean it against something. This isn't too much of an issue though, because it doesn't leak all that much when it's pointed downward or laying down.

The Torpedo is easy to insert and comfortable once it is in place. It is also quite easy to operate once you get the hang of it. That being said I don't think it does the best job at douching. It's a good first douche and it's good for a quick clean, but I think you could definitely get a more thorough clean with a higher quality product.

The size of this douche makes it difficult to sit on the toilet and use, so I ended up putting the seat up and doing an awkward toilet hover kind of thing. You could also use it laying in the tub or in the shower.

Since the bulb can’t be separated from the nozzle you think Cal Exotics would have made the torpedo clear. Not that you would want to see what's floating inside of it, but it would definitely be helpful during cleaning. That being said this douche poses a pretty big issue when it comes to cleaning. It cannot be sterilized, and the only way to clean it is to suck up warm water and antibacterial soap repeatedly and squirt it out. You could also use toy cleaner during this process. I would suggest using a 10% bleach solution, but I couldn't find any information on whether this would be ok with this product. Even though this would solve the cleaning dilemma I would be a little afraid that I didn't get all of the bleach out. I would never share this douche with anyone no matter how clean I thought I had gotten it. I wouldn't even think of using this as a vaginal douche after using it in my ass. I'm just really worried about what could be lurking inside of the bulb. On the plus side the outside of the douche is very easy to clean.

The Cleaner Torpedo can be used with either water or silicone-based lubes, and although they are not necessary, I highly recommend using at least a little lube to help ease insertion.

The packaging was nothing special. It just had a picture of the toy on two sides and phrases like "easy to use" plastered all over it. On the plus side there is a link to a website on the box where you can go and register your product. The Cleaner Torpedo comes with no instructions, so you may want to do some research before using this product.

I will probably be throwing it away after another use, because I am leery of what might be lurking inside of it. The Torpedo isn't the highest quality product and I don't know if it would last for the "long haul." It was my first time using something like this and it was a pretty positive experience. I will probably be investing in something higher quality though which is able to be properly cleaned and sterilized.

In all honesty I think a turkey baster would actually be better for the intended purpose than this, because at least it can be separated and properly sanitized. Not that I'm suggesting that you should use a turkey baster as an anal douche, because it is not intended for that purpose.

I have to admit the name is kind of clever even though my first thoughts were: Torpedo? Really? So, first I have images of turkey basters being used for sexual acts, and next I'm thinking about a torpedo being fired into someone’s butt. After thinking about it though I decided the name is pretty clever, because water gets fired into your nether regions like a torpedo gets fired. Perhaps I'm just easily amused though?

If you would like a little extra stimulation while you douche I would suggest taking a look at the "Cleaner Missile" by Cal Exotics which flares out a little bit on the nozzle.

Look at the bright side though: If you don't feel safe using it as a douche anymore you could always wield it as a baton!