When my Doc Johnson Inflatable Plug|Inflatable pleasure master double plug arrived, I was thrilled. I grabbed some batteries, went to the bedroom, and opened it up. The box was bright and busy, full of details about the toy inside: waterproof, multi-speed, inflatable, easy to use. That's just what I wanted, and was excited to get it going. Then, I took it out of the box.

On first inspection, it looked like someone had glued a red balloon over a cheap vibrator from the 60s. I didn't buy it for it's aesthetic appeal, though, so I hoped for function over form. I tried inflating it, and had to strain to barely squeeze the bulb (so did my partner). I had to use both hands, pressing as hard as I could to get any air into it. Again, it was like a balloon, but it stuck to the hard plastic core in places, and didn't stretch evenly, giving the rubber outer a mottled look. This gave me some pause, as I was concerned about weak spots where it might burst at a bad time. The inflation barely added to the girth of the toy, and perhaps half an inch to the length. Disappointed that I couldn't inflate it without a struggle, I tried the 'quick release' air valve. Nothing happened. No air escaped, unless I squeezed it out with my hands over the bulbs. Eventually it deflated, but it took more than 10 minutes. Definitely a slow leak instead of a quick release.

I thought I'd at least get a decent, if oddly shaped, vibrator out of it, but no such luck. The motor seemed like one you'd find in, again, a cheap plastic 60s vibe. It vibrated, but my partner compared it to an electric toothbrush. Despite all this, I tried to give it a go vaginally (using a condom, of course, on recommendation from the Sex Toy Materials page). Insertion was fine - I'm sure the lube on the condom helped - but the core was very uncomfortable. I'd never expected to use a sex toy that felt like a speculum. I got my husband to try to inflate it for me, but the pressure from the vaginal walls meant that the rubber outer could not inflate at all. I assume it would be even worse anally, for both inflation and discomfort, so we never quite got to its intended purpose. The head of the toy is also very flat and full, so even inserting it anally might be a big problem.

I'm still very charmed by the idea of an inflatable toy|Inflatable emperor 6" dildo, but Doc needs a new diagnosis.