Okay, so some of your are going to laugh at me for this, but it's taken me about two years to get anything from the Alumina line because...I didn't realize they were dildos. I know!!! They are so clearly marked as dildos, all of the reviews describe them as such and yet for some reason I thought they were vibrators. Maybe it was the black rubber O-ring that separates the two halves, it looked sort of like a dial to me. I don't know! But barring my Jimmyjane Chroma - which is a magical and glorious exception to the rule - I don't like the idea of hard materials vibrating. No vibrating glass, steel, aluminum, ceramic or wood for me. As a result, I've avoided these things like the plague for ages.

Until my mind was blown recently when my eye finally caught the word "dildo" on the product page for the Alumina Revolve. Yes, I felt really stupid. Stupid, and suddenly smitten by the look of this curvy, bubbly and provocatively violet-tinted aluminum toy. I needed it. Badly. Now that I have the Alumina Revolve? I try not to think about how long I've been missing out and just focus on how very, very happy I am to have it finally. It is pure magic.

Revolve is the sphere-laden dildo of the Tantus Alumina line that includes three lovely purple dildos and a black spade-shaped butt plug. All of these are made from 100% aeronautical grade aluminum - you know, like what you use in planes, no big deal or anything - and are completely solid. Many of us associate aluminum with the feather-light hollow tin cans of cola fame. However, you can rest assured then a solid hunk of aluminum of this size is almost as formidable as steel, though slightly less dense. The metal surface is anodized, giving it that purple lacquer effect. Because it is anodized, not painted, it is in no danger of chipping like a car's finish.

My measurements of the Revolve are about 8.5" inches in length from top to bottom, with the black rubber O-ring dividing the dildo in half at about 4.25" in from either end. This is where something really fascinating takes place, something unique to the dildos from the Alumina line. You can twist one end of your toy and actually unscrew one end from the other. By doing this you are left with two separate metal pieces, a rubber ring and a tiny screw that connects the pieces. Each half of the dildo has a small, cylindrical hollow inside one end, which you turn the screw into about halfway before it stops automatically. You then place the other end of the toy on the half of the screw protruding from the connected metal portion, and you screw the second portion in place.

But as cool as this might be... why exactly do I want to spend my time screwing and unscrewing pieces of my Lego dildo? Well, I don't - unless I have another Alumina dildo in my collection, which it just so happens I do. I got the Flow with my Revolve, and when I break the two pieces into their parts? I can mix-match them back together to create entirely new dildos! And I? Absolutely. Freaking. Love this. I completeley adore the end of the Revolve that has one single bulb at the end which is connected to a long, thin neck. I can easily angle this up to hit my G-spot and it makes awesomely firm and intense contact when I do so. Best of all, because of the weight of the dildo, I can kind of just let the end of the dildo outside of my vagina "drop" due to gravity, and this automatically point the inserted end up toward my G-spot. From there I can just gently slide it in and out. Easy as pie.

The other end? I'm not so sure I like. I thought I'd love the series of bubbles that graduate in size from the tip to the middle but it just doesn't work in practice. It's hard to explain. If I insert the first two bubbles then the dildo isn't in deep enough to hit my G-spot. If I insert it any farther, my inner labia have no choice but to kind of swallow the largest bulb, which leaves the rubber stopper rubbing against my vaginal lips. Ack. It feels awful. If you've ever used a silicone dildo with a really pronounced seam, this is kind of what it's like. But thanks to the fact that you can field strip this baby like a rifle? I don't have to have one whole half of my dildo that's totally useless.

So if you have two or even all three of the Alumina line, you can use your math skills to create a sexy permutation of all the combinations you can use! Not everyone will hate the end with multiple bulbs like me (although I do suspect some will, I wish this end were a bit longer!) but maybe you won't really care for the long, thin end. In that case, you just go ahead and remove that one and screw on a more beloved end.

This aluminum is so amazing, too. It's non-porous so it can easily be broken down, and you can wash both ends and the rubber O-ring with hot water and antibacterial soap. Be careful not to drop the tiny screw down the drain; it is quite small and easy to lose track of! You can also remove the rubber O-ring from the equation and then boil both ends in a pot of hot water. I would not recommend using harsh cleaners with alcohol or bleach in them as this may corrode your toy over time. Make sure you dry to your toy thoroughly (especially where the two ends meet flush against one another) to prevent rusting. But after thorough cleaning? Feel free to share this with a lover, even anally (just be sure to maintain a good grip!)

Any kind of lube is fine to use with aluminum, although frankly I think aluminum is slick enough that you won't need much unless you're using it anally. The Revolve slips in really nice and smoothly for anal which I love, but depending on which end is your "handle" you should be more careful to keep your hand locked around it. The more slender end of the Revolve is not great for a flange, but it can be used as one if you're very careful. Just keep in mind that your rectal muscles are strong and you don't want to lose your Revolve, so hold tight!

Overall, I am so ecstatic I finally figured out these are dildos. Yes, I'm kind of a ditz. But now I'm a ditz with a pair of awesome aluminum dildos and I can't recommend this one highly enough!

My Revolve gets decidedly less use than my Alumina Flow, but to be fair, so do most things in my toy box. My Revolve still sees a good bit of use, though. The multi-bulbed end I could leave or take most of the time, but damn. That single-bulbed end? G-spotting heaven. The thin neck makes this thing criminally easy to maneuver without stretching or injuring my labia and vagina, and the ball at the end gives me deliciously round and full stimulation on my G-spot. Yummy. It's perfect for nights I'm not in the mood for anything too challenging in terms of girth, but still want to enjoy some internal stimulation. And the little end + the big end of my Flow? C'mon, people. Who invents this stuff? It's like they don't WANT me to leave my bed ever. SO good.