Ice-cubes? Check.

Flavored body toppings? Check.

Blindfolds? Check.

Massage oils? Check.

Arousing objects? Er... check.

Gathering together all the elements required to get the Bedroom Game off the ground is almost like a game-within-a-game, a scavenger hunt that has you scampering around the house, remembering where you had the long dong dildo last, and was it the strawberry or the peach that brought your partner out in a nasty rash? But accomplish that, and get settled down and - well, Monopoly this isn't. But the bones of a very fun game are here, if you're only willing to improvise a little.

Ninety cards are divided into six categories: Sex & Positions, Bondage & Fetish, Edibles & Body Toppings, Teasing Tickling & Seduction, Roleplay and Fantasy and Foreplay and Romance. The rules printed on the box, such as they are, suggest leaving the first category out for a while, and that is probably smart - drawing a card that demands you fuck each other's brains out (in somewhat politer terms) does not make for a lengthy game. But, like I said, if you improvise, and you both show a little self-restraint, anything is possible.

Play is simple. A single dice has six colored surfaces, to match the six sets of cards. You throw, for example, the blue face and you pick up the blue card. Teasing etc.

Masturbate while your lover watches. To be extra kinky, use a toy while you do it. They can join in if you'd like. Okay, we will overlook the misuse of the term "extra kinky" ... and add a new rule of our own. A one minute maximum time limit to every command.

Lather your lover up in a hot and steamy shower. Okay, maybe not a minute. And maybe not now. The cards are not waterproof.

Using a vibrator or an arousing object, pleasure your lover but do not bring them to orgasm. Definitely not a minute.

Hmm, I didn't expect things to go awry this quickly. Use your common sense and instincts, then. Or at least, do not take the cards too literally. Shave and trim each other's privates... Go to hell. Or, when enacting the role of an "extra kinky nurse"... where on earth am I going to find "a seductive candy striper uniform" at this time of night?

Elsewhere... Blindfold your lover and then, using an item from the refrigerator, dab a little bit on your privates. See if they can guess what it is by tasting it. And please, resist the temptation to smirk at the old-fashioned use of the term "privates."

Across all ninety cards, the commands are generally well-thought out, detailed where they need to be, vague where you need to think. Act out and fulfill one of your sexual fantasies, for instance. The categorization does go a little haywire in places (you'll figure those out yourselves), but I thoroughly enjoyed a few of the roleplay and fantasy cards (pretend you're a language instructor. Teach your lover to talk dirty), and there's a few cool ideas in the teasing category too.

Ultimately... we had fun with the game, but we had more fun either building upon, or improvising around, its own instructions, and ultimately stopped throwing the dice altogether, and just started pulling cards at random, to see what they said.

And then wound up knocking the whole stack to the floor, and doing something else... something extra kinky involving our privates... altogether.