Summary

Fortune cookies are so much fun! They're the best part about ordering Chinese food, aren't they? You finish your meal and head for that mysterious little cookie. It holds your destiny inside, you know? You tear off the crinkly plastic and break that baby open. Pulling out that paper can feel like Christmas morning. "You will find good luck in every pursuit." "Your talents will never go unnoticed." "Success and happiness wait in your future." It's a nice little breath of fresh air, isn't it? Oh, and you can't forget to finish that off with " . . . in bed." Adds a cute little twist on to it, right? With these you won't even have to add that last little part. It's already there in the naughty little cookies.

Occasion

When's the best time to use these things? Well, probably not at the family dinner table. And probably not when you're out to dinner with your great aunt. They're incredibly hilarious and lots of fun when you're hanging out with some close friends who aren't total prudes (it can still be tons of fun if they are, though). Sexy takeout with a lover? Slip a couple of these babies in place of the regular slightly boring fortune cookies and surprise them with a dirty little fortune that you can make come true. X-rated? More like sexy rated! The element of surprise is what's best about these. Not all of us are expecting our fortune cookies to talk dirty to us like some phone sex operator would.

Contents

Everything comes packaged in a takeout type container with a hilarious illustration of a totally shocked woman. She must be one of those prudish types, eh? You only get six of them so it's not something that can be a running gag, sadly. (Although it's not hard to make your own.) They come wrapped in a fairly average wrapper that should't raise any eyebrows or make anyone catch on to the hilarity that's about to ensue.

Nutrition Facts

Each cookie comes in at about 105 calories, less than one gram of fat, 25g of carbohydrates, 2g of protein, and 38 mg of sodium. The ingredients aren't the worst thing in the world. Honestly, who actually eats these things anyway? They always taste like cardboard. Back to the interesting stuff.

Fortunes

Sadly, these X-rated cookies fall short of that. If you think terms like "getting laid", "pussy", and other things of that rather tame sort are totally inappropriate then you'll probably get a kick out of these. Frankly, this wasn't something that really had me blushing or rolling on the floor laughing, but it was a little deviation from the normal "in bed" route of fortune cookies. The fortunes you find in this box (I don't want to spoil the surprise) aren't anything too out there or dirty. They're the slightly dirty jokes you'd whisper to someone at an office Christmas party.

There are a million recipes out there for making your own fortune cookies and I'm pretty confident that you could come up with something a whole lot dirtier than these. Why not actually put little sexy messages or coupons in your own cookies? It seems a whole lot more practical than this stuff.

Taste

Like I said, no one really eats these anyway. Mine were pretty stale, too. If you're really craving fortune cookies you should go pick some up from the grocery store for less than $2 a box. You'll get way more than you do here.

I passed the few remaining cookies I had out to friends at a get-together. I warned them that they were hilarious because they're so stupid and not to eat the stale icky cookies. We giggled for about 5 seconds and tossed them in the trash.