When I was a wee lad I was made aware of playing cards. For most of my childhood I assumed that "bicycle" was the only manufacturer of playing cards. I spent much of my childhood being poor, so you can understand how I was not given access to fancy video games or frankly, board games. I spent my days learning to play "war" and "21" with standard playing cards. Fast forward to my first extended exposure to a dirty magazine, (club, gotta love those white panty shoots) when I found an ad for a deck of naughty playing cards; cards with either spread wet ladies or muscular hunks for only $30.00 plus shipping and handling, what a deal!

I knew what I must have it, gaming and boobies in one single package! What a perfect combination! I spent my adolescence hoping to see such a set, if only for a few moments. I wanted a deck of "novelty playing cards." I came across a few examples of novelty cards in the wild, but never a complete set, and never was I able to examine them. Okay, molest myself with one. Now that I'm an adult, I can buy my own. Maybe I should be clever and buy a set with advice on a topic I'm told I need no help on, yeah! That's a great idea!

If only I chose a set of naked people novelty playing cards.

As far as novelty cards go, I was hoping for a much better set. It would seem that "quality control" is a concept ignored by the creator. Speaking of which, I hope the lady on the back is not a real sex educator, for if I were so associated with such an abysmally designed deck of cards I would cry myself to sleep each night with grief over how terribly stupid I must assume my customers are.

Yes, they are really THAT bad.