Simon Says... make a sexy sundae by drizzling your favorite topping such s chocolate or honey all over your lover’s penis and balls.

Simon Says... playfully lick, kiss and suck his Sweet spot.

Simon Says... give your man 20 minutes of oral sex while he is standing up.

Yeah, right. Do it properly and his legs will have buckled after five. But no worries, because the Amazing Fellatio Instructional Deck is full of handy hints and taunting tips like that, and seriously, if anybody reading this really needs “52 Oral Sex Tips,” they’re not going to find them here.

This isn’t even the ground rules for “my first blowjob” - it’s a random collection of thoughts and deeds, triumphantly presented as though they are groundbreaking notions. When, in fact, the vast majority are nothing you probably hadn’t thought of (and improved upon) yourself so long ago that you don’t even think of the mechanics. And they're not even particularly well written, so serious and matter-of-fact. Not a hint of humor, not a soupcon of enjoyment; this might as well be a manual for dishwasher repair. Or a home assembly bookshelf. Insert tab A into slot B and show him your tea-bagging skills....

Taking it less seriously than it is presumably intended, this might be suitable for a gag gift (pun not intended) for any virginal nuns who might be in your circle. It could conceivably liven up a bachelorette party, at least as a form of unsubtle ice breaker. It would definitely go down well (pun this time intended) when the guys all get together and start drunkenly comparing past conquests with one another. But it is no kind of instruction that I’d ever recommend because, really, there is only one thing that any would-be fellatrix needs to remember.

Simon Says... have fun with it!