Kill Jill is a pornographic parody of the movie Kill Bill, produced by Hustler Video and directed by Caesar Bonobo. My initial impression was of curiosity, wondering how true they were going to stay to the Kill Bill movie, and sadly, while there were some parts that were similar, it was fundamentally a pornographic video.

The movie starts off with Evan Stone dressed in a kimono, playing a koto, while observing his Cuma-Fu students sparring, with The Student (April Blossom) sitting by. Mya Luanna (oddly enough played by Mya Luanna) faces off against her opponent, unnamed (Tommy Gunn). There are some comedic expressions, playing off the old Japanese Kung-fu movies. Mya knocks him to the floor, and he rolls her off him. Her skillful warrior response? The breast equivalent of Katana’s Fan Toss. Evan Stone ends the fight, announcing “No time for ceremony, only for ritual. Begin.” Mya gives Tommy’s two-toned cock a bit of head, while The Student plays with herself off to the side. After several minutes, Tommy begins to eat her out, which Mya very verbally announces her satisfaction, commanding him to “Lick my pussy” and “Eat her cum.” At this point, her clit is so engorged it looks like a miniature elephant’s trunk, and really grossed me out. During the scene, while Mya’s doing the "woo-hoo" with Tommy, in no way is her “dirty-talk” attractive or entertaining within the context it is being presented in. It distracted me from what was important: the sex. To gloss over the rest of the scene, Mya and Tommy fuck, The Student continues to jab her cunt with her sharp pointy nails, and Evan plays his koto. It ends with chest-cum and applause.

This chapter opens with Evan mentoring Mya over the subtleties of Cuma-Fu, testing her knowledge, and outlining the plot of the movie itself, regarding Jill Kelly’s plot to use Cuma-Fu for her own personal gain. From there, Evan and April honor Mya’s victory with their own sex, with her watching. It is by far my favorite scene. She gives him head with a bit of deep-throat, he occasionally slaps her face with his pork-sword. They have sex, and once Evan seems to grab onto her pelvis bone, pulling her down onto him. It looks incredibly painful, but she seems to enjoy it. This is also the only scene in the movie where there is the missionary position, and some kissing. To me, it seems intimate, and perhaps that is what I’m looking for in porn. He cums on her tits, and we go to the next scene.

Our only lesbian scene in the movie is between Mya and Dee, her new master. Dee “creates” a new weapon, a solar-powered vibrator that shoots invisible poisonous darts. Sadly, we never see this invention of hers, but we do have glass dildo play here, and several cunnilungus shots. Other than this, there is nothing special about this scene, and so we’ll move on.

Remember when Uma Thurman got married in Kill Bill? Well the same thing happens to lucky ol’ Mya, to Steven St. Croix. She goes to take a shower, and he is kidnapped, oh no! She puts on a yellow racing jumpsuit, hops on a bike, poses for a little bit (the bike is way too big for her, but we won’t tell), and she delivers her potent line “I am going to kill Jill.” Deja vu, anyone?

His captors in the next scene do what? Can anyone guess? Fuck, that’s right! Jasmine Byrne and her partner are the only couple who have anal sex, and that little dirty girl seems to like it immensely. She is the aggressive type, and they do it on the stairwell, near where their prisoner is being kept, per Master Jill’s orders. The partner eats her out, she gives him head (a little bit of deep-throat action going on), and they have sex, both vaginal and anal. She “showers” in his cum, and we fade to black.

After searching apartment A, Mya finds her kidnapped hubby and kills (in very dramatic fashion) both Jasmine and partner. Back at The Temple, we find Evan and Tommy dead by the pool, and Jill wearing the Master’s kimono and a cowboy hat. Mya finally confronts her half-sister, Jill Kelly. They bicker a bit about who was adopted and who wasn’t, and for some reason we focus a lot on their lips. Long story short, after some sword play Mya kills Jill with the Exploding Orgasm. Mya gets to have sex with her husband, there is some foot sex, and that’s about it.

Overall, after an excruciating one hour and 37 minutes, floppy titties, dozens of money-shots, absolutely horrible acting by Mya Luanna, the movie is over. Worth watching, but not very arousing. A good movie.