Oh boy. Where should we start? Let's talk basics first. Paradise Island, brought to us by Shane's World, stars Vanessa Cage, Michael Vegas, Tori Black, Johnny Castle, and Brooklyn Lee. There is no basic story line, just 5 people going to a gorgeous beach house in the Bahamas to party, have sex, and party.

They all meet up at the airport ready to fly out. Once they arrive, they get right to what needs to be done - swimming, having fun, and discussing why some can lick their own nipples and others can't. After a $7000 (yeah ok) grocery trip and getting lost, I was really starting to wonder if anything interesting would happen. Talk about a slow start.

Finally, Vanessa Cage and Michael Vegas start to heat things up by the pool. It quickly flashes to them in a bedroom. This scene includes oral and vaginal sex. At one point, he does finger her ass and it gave me a glimmer of hope that this would turn into an anal scene but no such luck. Right after he did that, he flipped her over and shot in her face.

In between these scenes is just partying, drinking, nonsense, touring, and topless chicks. Seriously. There is no rhyme or reason. Examples of the nonsense would be when Vanessa says that she like to drink, throw up, and then she gets to drink some more.

Next up is Tori and Johnny in this really cool, outdoor wicker, nest type thing. He goes down on her real fast, she goes down on him for a while, they break apart various positions of vaginal sex with some oral, and he finally blows on her mound.

Brooklyn has never had sex on a beach and figured it would be a good thing to try. (All I could think was 'watch where that sand goes!') He gave her a little lick, he gets a longer blowjob, they carefully have vaginal sex in a few different positions without getting sand in each other’s bits, and he finally blows on her ass.

This flips to Tori giving Michael a long blowjob on the back of the boat. Johnny and Vanessa come up to the back of the boat where I thought this might turn into a group sex scene but again, that glimmer of hope was tossed away. They just sort of watch as Tori deep throats, they have some vaginal sex, he makes her squirt (although I didn’t see evidence... maybe my TV screen is too small or old or something) and he finally shoots in her face.

Last day of shooting and Brooklyn and Micheal want to do something wild. They find a bar and talk to the manager about letting them have sex there. It seems the guy agreed because it was dead (off-season) and if they bought some chicken fingers. This one is like the rest, oral sex, vaginal sex, facial.

Random things I notice when I watch porn - For some reason, there is a lampshade on the floor in the bedroom where Michael and Vanessa are having sex. In the boat scene, you can see the boat owners watching the whole thing. Johnny is an assman. He should have just tapped it. If I were a guy getting a blowjob and a girl stopped to say ‘Formaggio!’ I would be a little concerned that I have some weird dick-cheese or something.

All in all, this movie was OK. I mean, the stars obviously all get along great, had a wonderful time and that really shows through in the scenes. It would have been nice though if they would have pushed past the standard scene. There were so many opportunities to do it and it just didn't happen.