B/C I CAN: Yes, this can totally be a male question, too. Maybe I'll put up another poll sometime.

I felt the same way you're describing a few years ago. I didn't know how to ask my girlfriend if she'd like to try something as new/different as pegging; it was scary to even consider bringing it up.

How I got past it was I read an article somewhere which suggested starting a discussion with your partner about fantasies and desires. The way they said to start the conversation was by asking, maybe right after sex, this question: "What's something you've always wanted to try?"

Listen carefully to what she talks about and tell her you'd like to try it with her (that is, if you would like to try it--and unless it's a huge turnoff for you, you SHOULD!)

Hopefully, she'll ask you the same question. If not, ask her if she'd like to hear something you'd like to try. Then tell her you'd like to try pegging.

When I tried this method with my wife, I was amazed how well it worked. She told me several things she'd like to try (and we've tried them all now and then some), and when I asked her if she'd like to hear what I'd like to try, she was very interested.

I told her about pegging and actually, she was a bit skeptical at first. When I asked her why, it turned out she thought I wanted a complete role reversal thing: for her to act like a man, and me to act like a woman! Once I explained that wasn't it and that I wanted to try pegging because I knew it would FEEL really good, she agreed to try it.

And it was better than I expected! And she loved it A LOT, which surprised her (and made me VERY happy!).

I hope you try it and that it works for you!

AmethystSmoke: who suggested pegging first? I'm guessing it was you?

In any event, it's really cool that you are comfortable bringing it up. I wish my wife would do the same sometimes--but I guess in the end it doesn't matter who brings it up--as long as SOMEONE does!

we have not yet bought a strap on, but i do use a vibrator on my husband while i get him off sometimes. sometimes he requests it, sometimes i offer it. we can't wait to get our first strap on

I typically take the lead these days, there have been times he's asked in the past, though. This act can cross into a power play dynamic that may be uncomfortable for her, and initiating might be the trigger. If she is naturally submissive, or simply unaccustomed to switching roles, then initiating and topping might be stretching her boundaries a bit. There are very nice books on the topic, maybe that could help. But I think having a conversation and seeing if the power dynamic is a part of the hesitation might be beneficial. It may even be helpful for you to consider, is it a part of your experience. Do you enjoy her taking control for a little while? Or do you just like the feeling of penetration and want to feel secure that she's having fun too. Just some thoughts to help you explore further!

Thanks for your reply! I think you're right on target about her being unaccustomed to switching roles. She's more dominant than submissive (once play begins) although she also enjoys being dominated sometimes. But in any sexual and/or kinky situation, she almost never takes the lead. Even when I'm literally tied down, she still waits for me to ask for what I want. Once I ask, she always says yes and dives in.

I have asked her, in a playful/teasing way, why she's bashful about being the instigator when she's not bashful at all when she's pegging me, paddling me or beating up my cojones! She said she's simply a lot more comfortable if I lead when it comes to sex or kink. She said she doesn't really understand why, just that it's uncomfortable for her to lead. She has said she'll try to take the lead more often, but after a couple of years of this, I'm (almost) ready to give up and just be grateful to be loved by such a wonderful person who shares so much pleasure with me.

As far as why I'd like her to lead sometimes, I'm naturally a bit more submissive than dominant. I'd like the feeling of not being in control and to not know what's going to happen next. That's extremely exciting to me, in a sexual way, but also in a psychological way that goes deeper. I experienced this in one relationship years ago and I still fantasize about it. And yes, I'd like to know that she enjoys our kinky play. She always seems to enjoy it a lot (lots of smiles, laughs and playful remarks)--just not actually being in control.