So many choices... but as a general note, cocks that have a good curve tend to stand up better in harnesses. Of course, the Hank looks best in a harness, as far as I'm concerned...

Then there are the o-ring issues, where the base sits, how the leg straps handle action... *sigh* I can't answer this post, too many strands.

If I were a woman (which I'm not) in your situation, I would probably be looking for something that would please both me and my partner.
In that vein, I might suggest the Feeldoe in whatever size suits you best. I know it is supposed to be able to be used without a harness, but using it with the harness is so nice because it adds a lot of control. Also, both parties get to benefit from it.
Similar double-ended dildos will probably provide the same benefit, so that is where I would go with it.
As far as the harness is concerned, I have never been concerned about the look, so I just have a simple, inexpensive one, but you would probably be happier with one that has looks cool. Maybe the Jaguar which also comes in a Vegan variety for the animal lover in you.

CW - I never had thought about the curve, good point. What do you mean too many strands?

Jimbo - You are so thoughtful I actually have the Syd (red patent leather and pyramid studs?! How hot is that?!?! Plus, safety pins in the back!), but have never gotten to use it. It's by Outlaw, so the wearer can slip a dildo in as well.

I've also bought a Nexus, but alas, have no one to try it with (on either direction), so I'm waiting to check that out.

You are a world-rocking reviewer

My wife uses the vibrating velvet harness and it works well. We changed out the "O" ring to allow for larger dildos and have had no issues. The largest dildo she has used in the harness is the John Holmes UR3. Depending on how "rough" and fast she is, the straps can get a little loose and have to be tightened.

We have also used the Fun Factory Magnum and the Outlaw by Vixxen in the harness with great results.

I have a special edition Breast Cancer Awareness pink Leo that I like to wear in my red Jaguar. I have a silicone "alien" dildo from Divine Interventions that I like to wear in my Jaguar or my leather Sedeux or my Kinklab Harness (its just straps, not much support, but the action is really low, I like it low because I get something from it too!)
I am not a fan of Vacu-loc products because few are made of silicone and the harnesses have limited life expectancies.
I have a Share, and I need to use a harness with it. Maybe 20 years ago I wouldn't have the need, but age and time marches on.....my partner finds these certain dildos a good fit for her, and a good fit for my harnesses.