You are not alone. We both come from a similar background and it isn't an easy thing to shake. It took more than 20 years of marriage and an impulse buy (on my part) to get where we are now - and that is certainly not guilt-free. The funny thing is, I don't mind at all that she uses toys; I feel worse about going solo myself, as if I'm denying her when I do. I know from our conversation she sometimes feels the same way. I also sometimes fear she uses toys for me, and that I've pushed her into places she doesn't want to be, although she says that isn't the case. You simply get to thinking too much at times...

Like you say, other times we're manic and simply cannot get enough. When we're thinking logically, we know the guilt is unjustified. It really is such a shame that for 2000 years, men specifically chose to create a sexually repressed society, so much so, it still weighs upon even the most free-thinking, athiest/agnostic of us. Ironically none of their repressive thinking is found in the bible.

Your pleasure belongs to you. It is a gift (from God, if you believe) we can and should enjoy as we choose. Each of us is equipped to enjoy it alone, or with a partner. And when we choose to share that gift with a partner - it is a privilege for the partner, not an obligation to them. The bible never mentions masturbation once (Onan's sin was disobedience - and he most likely pulled out). Pleasures of the flesh? Simply a warning that overendulgence is detrimental to our health and well-being, just like all things in life. It makes no sense that humans - designed specifically for pleasure, should totally deprive themselves of it. Sex toys? Again, never mentioned. And, if your partner is wearing something particularly sexy and it turns you on, isn't that a sexual aid?

But yes, for those of use brought up in such an environment, guilt sometimes wins over logic. It's sad, really.