Any advice? - Created by mama2007 on May 02, 2012: EdenFantasys Forum

Ansley

I'm sure it brought up a lot of bad memories for you, but if there was no police investigation into the matter and she doesn't know it's not like you can tell her that he's a rapist. You know what happened, but you can't prove it at this point. So, it could be construed as slander and could land you in a lot of trouble if it cost him anything in life.

That being said, if you're close enough to her to tell her what happened so that she can protect herself I don't see anything wrong with that.

Reply

05/02/2012

Elaira

Quote:

Originally posted by mama2007

So I'm having a bad month 1/2, and then today i go to my friend's facebook page who i went to school with for 9 years to see she's got HIM on her friends list?????? im so pissed i wanna delete her but she doesn't know about what ... more

Has he ever tried to contact you since then?

Does she know anything about what happened?

Do you have legitimate reasons as to why you feel so unsafe?

Rape is something that can cause a person emotional damage for years on end. Have you ever thought about some form of therapy? It sounds like this is still a very difficult situation for you to face.

Reply

05/02/2012

mama2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Ansley

I'm sure it brought up a lot of bad memories for you, but if there was no police investigation into the matter and she doesn't know it's not like you can tell her that he's a rapist. You know what happened, but you can't prove it ... more

Oh I made a police report in Feb 2006 the night it happened, but i didn't press charges. that's what i meant with her - to protect herself. i COULD press charges against him - i talked to the criminal investigating officer about it in 2011 - revised my statement for an hr 1/2 but because i am now married with 2 kids, i can't put them thru a trial. it would not be hard to prove if i didn't of got rid of 8 journals in 2007 i had wrote in for a yr before i moved. I've had flashbacks and i get scared at night sometimes; it sucks 6 years later.

I saw him 2 times when I was going for a job interview at mall - once not long after it happened and once a month before i moved in 2007; and I can't tell you how scared I was I couldn't talk i just ran the other way and made my mom take me home. I'm just still scared because he hurt me in a way that no one should have to go thru; i was a virgin and i said no i can't tell u how many times. I did attend counseling for almost a yr i think but it didn't do much good. i have a friend at church im talking to about it and pastor's wife, but idk how much it'll help. Just feel stuck. sometimes i wish we never moved back here but im thankful we did for my family and jobs.

Reply

05/02/2012

Ansley

Quote:

Originally posted by mama2007

Oh I made a police report in Feb 2006 the night it happened, but i didn't press charges. that's what i meant with her - to protect herself. i COULD press charges against him - i talked to the criminal investigating officer about it in 2011 - ... more

My thoughts are with you. That's a terrible situation to have to go through. If you could talk to a therapist, even if it's just a hotline kind of thing, that might help.

For the traumatic events I've experienced in my life, I've found that talking it out with whomever will listen really eases the pain and takes the power away from the situation. It's keeping it locked inside that will destroy you. And we can't have that happen, now can we?

Reply

05/02/2012

mama2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Ansley

My thoughts are with you. That's a terrible situation to have to go through. If you could talk to a therapist, even if it's just a hotline kind of thing, that might help.

For the traumatic events I've experienced in my life, ... more

it actually helped a lot going to talk to the officer and he had said if i need anything, to call him back; but I'm not sure I'll call him back. it helps to talk thru it but i havent much since 2007 or so other than 2011 and now.

and no that wont ever happen

Reply

05/02/2012

Beck

I can't express enough that you should go through with charges. Seriously, there is nothing more worth it in the end. During the process it's painful, but totally worth it. It's really not a good thing to let him slide right on by with nothing. This only allows for countless other opportunity's for the same thing s to happen. And if all of you don't file charges then he gets away with it. You need to stand up to him in order to help yourself move on!! It will make you feel better in the end. I'm going to echo those who express to see a therapist. It could help you out. Though, I will say therapy isn't for everyone. You need to find a trusting therapist that you feel comfortable with.

I'm sorry that all your bad memories are being brought back up. I know all too well about it. You should express to your friend what kind of person he is.

My abuser lives 20 minutes from my house. After being put into jail for 6 years he was release into a sex offender's program that relocated him to this area of Cleveland. He is literally the next exit ramp from my house. I can't even shop on the better side of town because he lives on that street. I'm terrified I might run into him. The good that came from pressing charges is now he has to register as a sex offender and is labelled as an offender. Now, I can have peace of mind knowing that people can look him up to find out what kind of person he is. And now I can look him up to see where he is. I can pick to avoid areas where is close to because he is registered. Though, I don't feel like I go justice because 6 years for the years of abuse I went through is no where near equal. However, he is now labelled what he should be and that is the important part.

Reply

05/02/2012

BBW Talks Toys

Sometimes getting help right at the time helps you get through it enough to make it through the day-to-day, but does little to actually help you put it behind you. With nightmares and stuff, it sounds like PTSD, and that is something that you need a therapist to help you through. There's actually a lot you can do to lessen your PTSD symptoms.

Friends are amazing resources to have, and everyone needs a support system to get through these things, but they're not trained. You might really benefit from talking to someone who is not emotionally attached to you to help you really comb through this mess of emotions.

I know. I've been there.

Reply

05/02/2012

mama2007

Quote:

Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys

Sometimes getting help right at the time helps you get through it enough to make it through the day-to-day, but does little to actually help you put it behind you. With nightmares and stuff, it sounds like PTSD, and that is something that you need a ... more

Beck - yeah I know. I didn't get a rape kit done or go to the hospital, so I can't get a fair trial, it would be a he/she said trial and likely be dropped; and the cop had told me that the Commonwealths' Attorney told them he wouldn't let it go far or something i think because that night my mind was all jumbled up and shaky/upset and i told them 2 things when my mind stopped racing from it, and it pisses me off that I screwed myself up because I was in shock and can't do much about it. I don't want to lose it and my husband to get mad over stuff. I actually made a 41 min video the other night about general feelings of what happened and why certain things get me mad, and other stuff and he watched it and i think it helped him to see I'm not always smiling/laughing.

BBW Talks Toys - I thought it was PTSD as well, but I won't go on medicine for it because I don't want to and I'm on birth control pill and it could probably mess it up. I don't know how therapist could help with it, but I also know I don't have $20 co-pays to cough out for therapy and the only free crisis center here we have is pro-choice and i don't agree with their morals about things - i tried them once. although when my kids are in school full time, i will go volunteer and help them as i can.

Reply

05/02/2012