The New Intimacy

An (anal) experience and a few questions.

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Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
Warning: this is going to be kinda long. tl;dr (too long; didn't read) will be provided at the end. Apologies in advance if this is the wrong place.

Slight background: Before an hour ago, my anal experience was limited to a single instance of rape, and an accidental "whoops, wrong hole!" Due to both, I've kind of been leery of anything to do with my butt, other than, naturally, going #2. I've been on my period for, well, on and off for four months or so. It's been some kind of personal hell. Yay, hormone problems. Anyway, not many vaginal insertions except in the shower for a loooooong time.

Fast forward a bit, to tonight. I'm starting on my very normal evening slish session. It's boring, dull. So, then I get this idea; why not play with my back door? It was totally spur of the moment, 'ah, what the hell, why not?' kind of thing. I liberally lube up my smallest dildo (which isn't all that small, 1 3/8" in diameter, and glass even) and slide it in. And I have conflicting thoughts: 1. why do people like this? and 2. this feels weird, in a good way. Anyway, I orgasm within like 5 minutes, and it's pretty powerful. But, then, I have this weird post-orgasm regret/guilt, like, "Wow, well, this is kinda gross. I can't believe I did that!" I did like it, and I might do it again, but with a much smaller toy.

tl;dr: I slid a smallish (or so I thought) glass dildo up my butt for the first time, and it was weird, but I liked it. Here are my questions, since I'm new to the whole game.

1. Do you, personally, enjoy anal stimulation? Why? What does it do for you that vaginal stimulation/regular stimulation doesn't?
2. Is it normal to feel weird after one's first experience? Is it normal to have a tinge of regret, or guilt?
3. Where do I go from here? Can you suggest any toys or tips or suggestions, or anything?
4. Are there any consequences to buttplay? Should I expect soreness, blood, strange sensations, close encounters with a third kind? Are there any benefits, besides the normal "knowing one's body better"?

Thanks so much, guys, for allowing this community to be so incredibly open and welcoming and supportive to even stuff like this. I love you all!
07/26/2010
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Contributor: Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by Annemarie
Warning: this is going to be kinda long. tl;dr (too long; didn't read) will be provided at the end. Apologies in advance if this is the wrong place.

Slight background: Before an hour ago, my anal experience was limited to a single instance ... more
1. I do but I have to be in the mood for it, since it does feel kind of strange..but in a good way. I think that it feels weird because I haven't done it that many times and mostly with very thin things, actual anal sex feels weird for me still. But good..

2. I don't think I felt regret, but I did physically feel a bit strange, not pain but a weird sensation. I think mainly because I had cum leaking at first and I just find that weird.

3. Keep trying with lots of lube and maybe a smaller toy at first?

4. I think as long as you are well lubed and go easy you shouldn't have pain or blood. I never did, but again I'm not an expert so I don't really know.
07/26/2010
Contributor: PassionQT PassionQT
Quote:
Originally posted by Annemarie
Warning: this is going to be kinda long. tl;dr (too long; didn't read) will be provided at the end. Apologies in advance if this is the wrong place.

Slight background: Before an hour ago, my anal experience was limited to a single instance ... more
1. I do actually. Not all the time, but I think what helps is that when I orgasm, I contract all my pelvic muscles. When I have a toy in my butt, it's easier to squeeze and cum faster.

2. Anal sex is portrayed negatively by society, when in fact, it can be very enjoyable if done properly and with the right protection. It's your business, no one has to know you enjoy that, so don't feel guilty. It's very commonly enjoyed, people just don't run down the street screaming how much they love it.
It's all good. Any guilt could be associated with past experiences, etc.. I had a bad experience with anal my first time too but now enjoy it.

3. I suggest vibrating anal wands. That way, you can use a rabbit or other vibrator in your pussy and have the anal stimulation there too, without it being too large.

4. The only consequences are using toys that are too large that could tear tissue, irritate hemorrhoids, tip your tailbone (that happened to me), but you will know what your limit is after a little experimenting. Just go easy, always. Assholes weren't meant to be pounded and rammed, but we see it a lot in porn. Go gentle, start small and thin, but long enough to stay in (hey, that rhymes!). If you relax and don't push out, your sphincter will relax too.

Good luck!
07/26/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Annemarie
Warning: this is going to be kinda long. tl;dr (too long; didn't read) will be provided at the end. Apologies in advance if this is the wrong place.

Slight background: Before an hour ago, my anal experience was limited to a single instance ... more
I am so sorry that happened to you. I had the same experience (both actually-rape & accident) happen before my first enjoyable experience with anal. So...I know where you are coming from.

1. Yes I now enjoy anal stimulation a lot. More so with toys than with sex but I still like both and can orgasm from both. It is a much more intense stimulation for me, but the orgasm is different than that or vaginal/clitoral and I would never want to replace that with anal forever.

2. It is absolutely normal to feel weird after your first experience, especially after what you and I had gone through. I had doubts and guilt too that I got pleasure from something that once brought so much pain.

3. Where do you go from here? Well you decide if you even want to go from here. You need to be patient with yourself and so does your partner. I would not suggest glass though. I would suggest silicone since it is much more forgiving. If you'd like to message me, I can give you a more personalized suggestion.

4. If you do butt play safely and smartly there are no long-term consequences.
You may experience anything that passing a large bowel movement would produce-light bleeding, soreness, and or discomfort. If you are heavily bleeding or any of these things last for longer than 24 hours, you need to see a doctor and stop playing back there until they stop. The benefits? It facilitates bowel movements...that's about it.
07/26/2010
Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
1. I do but I have to be in the mood for it, since it does feel kind of strange..but in a good way. I think that it feels weird because I haven't done it that many times and mostly with very thin things, actual anal sex feels weird for me ... more
I agree, it was definitely a weird sensation; nothing like I've ever felt before.

I'll keep working on it.
07/26/2010
Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
1. I do actually. Not all the time, but I think what helps is that when I orgasm, I contract all my pelvic muscles. When I have a toy in my butt, it's easier to squeeze and cum faster.

2. Anal sex is portrayed negatively by society, when ... more
I will agree that anal is viewed as "taboo" by most people, and my past experiences doesn't help.

I'll definitely look at something smaller and more buzzbuzz, and go much slower and relax.

Thanks for the advice!
07/26/2010
Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I am so sorry that happened to you. I had the same experience (both actually-rape & accident) happen before my first enjoyable experience with anal. So...I know where you are coming from.

1. Yes I now enjoy anal stimulation a lot. More so ... more
-hughugs-

I doubt that I'll ever actually take an entire cock back there. My partner doesn't like it, so it's kind of just my own little thing. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in the doubts and guilt department!


I'll probably be messaging you shortly. I definitely think that silicone would be more enjoyable.

Thanks so much!


You guys are freakin' awesome, you know?
07/26/2010
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Annemarie
Warning: this is going to be kinda long. tl;dr (too long; didn't read) will be provided at the end. Apologies in advance if this is the wrong place.

Slight background: Before an hour ago, my anal experience was limited to a single instance ... more
Alright, well, I am assuming that most of these questions are aimed toward female readers. So let me answer the ones that I can answer!

1. I do not enjoy anal, honestly, it's just not pleasurable to me. Why? It just does not feel good, honestly. Everyone's different, though.

2. Of course it's normal. It was your first time. Do not become discouraged, however, to try it again! If you like it, then go for it!

3. Using a smaller toy might be better, as you thought. But basically, just try out what feels good. Glass is a really good material because it slides easily and makes it less intruding. Make sure to get something with a nice-sized base, just in case!

4. No, there are not any consequences or benefits. Soreness might come if you push yourself - if you take it slow and easy, you'll be fine.
07/26/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
1. I've enjoyed the good times, regret the bad. I'm almost always up for it though.

2. It's only weird because it's new. Once you get used to it (if you want to), you'll like it more and more. Heck, you might even crave it from time to time.

3. You can go as far as you're comfortable. I'd suggest just getting used to it and learning how your body reacts to it (for good and for ill).

4. Depending on your prep, you could experience looser stools or constipation. For ease and convenience, I'd suggest water based lubes. Silicone and oily based lubes might make you feel a bit too slick back there.

Also, if you are going to try it some day with a male partner, make sure you get a condom on it. Trich is NOT fun.
07/26/2010
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
"And I have conflicting thoughts: 1. why do people like this? and 2. this feels weird, in a good way. Anyway, I orgasm within like 5 minutes, and it's pretty powerful. But, then, I have this weird post-orgasm regret/guilt, like, "Wow, well, this is kinda gross. I can't believe I did that!" I did like it, and I might do it again, but with a much smaller toy."

You orgasmed, so hopefully you're starting to understand why people like anal play. It's different, but it can feel very good. It feels weird because you're not used to it and your brain isn't sure what to do with the sensations. We don't automatically link anal play to pleasure.

"1. Do you, personally, enjoy anal stimulation? Why? What does it do for you that vaginal stimulation/regular stimulation doesn't?"

I like it a lot. Part of it is that it is different and adds variety, another part is that the sensations can be very pleasurable (I have a prostate which adds to the experience). Incorporating anal play also spreads out the pleasure throughout my lower body rather than having it focussed in my penis.

"2. Is it normal to feel weird after one's first experience? Is it normal to have a tinge of regret, or guilt?"

Definitely not unusual. Culturally we have certain things attached to the anus - it's a taboo area. Moving beyond viewing the anus as an area that you deal with when necessary for hygiene to an understanding of its pleasure potential is not immediate.

"3. Where do I go from here? Can you suggest any toys or tips or suggestions, or anything?"

Depends where you want to go. If you like thrusting play then dildos are great, but you might want to explore other shapes or materials. I'd recommend a smooth surface until you're fairly well experienced. You can also play around with plugs or vibrators. Non-porous materials (glass, silicone, metal and ceramic) are the best for anal play because they're easy to keep clean.

"4. Are there any consequences to buttplay? Should I expect soreness, blood, strange sensations, close encounters with a third kind? Are there any benefits, besides the normal "knowing one's body better"?"

If you aren't careful you can hurt yourself. Go slow, use plenty of lube, and make sure that your toys follow the rectum. You should also use toys with a base on them so they don't get "lost". If you're doing it right there shouldn't be any blood- blood means that you're going to fast or not using enough lube. A little soreness at times can be normal, but it shouldn't be every time (expect a little soreness when you're pushing your limits). Strange and pleasurable sensations are to be expected, just like you expect them with other sex play

Benefits are a part that isn't studied very well. The pleasure is a definite benefit, and Jack Morin presents a case that learning to work with and enjoy your anus leads to a healthier anus and rectum (fewer hemorrhoids among other things), but there haven't been any long-term and large-scale studies of this.

You might want to see if you can get a copy of Taormino's "Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" or Morin's "Anal Pleasure and Health". You can check your library, but many public libraries find these titles a bit too hot to handle.
07/27/2010
Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
"And I have conflicting thoughts: 1. why do people like this? and 2. this feels weird, in a good way. Anyway, I orgasm within like 5 minutes, and it's pretty powerful. But, then, I have this weird post-orgasm regret/guilt, like, "Wow, ... more
Wow, thank you so much! That's a ton of information and advice. I'll definitely look into those books.
07/27/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Annemarie, I am so sorry about the assault. These things can leave lasting impressions on us, but it is so good to be able to have a break through like you did, that signals yet an other step in Recovery!

I don't know WHY it feels good, I know he sometimes hits my G Spot when we're having anal sex, part of it is the "naughtiness factor" and, yes, stimulation of the anus DOES feel good. (That's why men like to poop so much, I've been told. )

I also felt, after the first time we incorporated anal play in our sex and both really liked it, "WTF is wrong with us?" The feelings of something "wrong" quickly went away, and I started to enjoy it quite a bit. Our society is SO screwed up, especially about sex and what people are "supposed to" do and not do.

If you want to go further with your anal play, know that many people do this and enjoy it. The "guilt" was a normal reaction, which I found disappears when you realize "We aren't doing anything wrong, nobody is getting hurt, emotionally or physically and we both ENJOY it." Take it slow, stay in control for now and try to see it from the perspective that YOU can go as far or as little with it as pleases YOU!
07/27/2010