The New Intimacy

What would you do? A matter of trust.

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Contributor: TexasBrat TexasBrat
This actually happened with my ex, which is why our sex life slowed down to almost nothing.....

What would YOU do if your husband/wife wanted more children, but you honestly didn't? What if they actually threatened to poke holes in condoms or "forget" to take their Pill?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Risk pregnancy-no extra precautions. What's one more kid?
Andykh
1
Insist on using a back up method. (for example, if you were only using condoms, would you use another form of b.c.?)
Syrus
1
Go/use another b.c. method without telling them.
Syrus , srval69
2
Stop sleeping with them all together. Lost trust, no lust.
icyqueen , U3H , SexScienceAndFood , TexasBrat , Sincerely yours, N , charmedtomeetyou , CoffeeCup , March Hare , Bignuf , spaventosa , DreezzyyBabyy , Syrus , SaucyxGirl , eri86 , Velociraptor , Sei , irisheyes79 , edeneve , time4me , KinkyCouple , Inquisitor , peachmarie , Svenson , Knickersketchy , Vnessa , symbiasin , Livia Drew , lala22 , ChaoticNight , KittiezToyz , ~*Nikila*~ , Thong man , TheToyGuy , jdloelo
34
Total votes: 38 (36 voters)
Poll is closed
08/08/2014
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Contributor: SexScienceAndFood SexScienceAndFood
relationships require trust. That isn't trust. That's a threat. an ultimatum. That's not a relationship. I'd send him/her ass to a curb.
08/09/2014
Contributor: TexasBrat TexasBrat
I did eventually. Our sex life was nadda at the end. And, when we did have sex on the rare occasions that we did, we used condoms, I had timed it for less fertile days, and I used the contraceptive foam before and afterwards.
08/09/2014
Contributor: Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
(Review Program Mentor)
Sounds like there were way deeper issues with your ex than just this. If you love someone, you have to honor and respect them. Making threats because you don't get your way is something a spoiled child would do, not someone who wanted to be a parent. Also, why would you want to have a child with someone who does not want kids. You are setting that kid up for a mess of issues when they are being rejected before they are even conceived. The tricked person can hardly help but resenting that child, the child feels that tension and thinks it is something they did. There are too many kids who are brought into this world by people who have no business raising children. Kids are a life long commitment not an accessory. Sounds like you made the right choice.
08/09/2014
Contributor: Sincerely yours, N Sincerely yours, N
A similar thing is happening to somebody that I know.... Only he actually caught her no longer taking the pill (his wife and I take the same exact one, so when he sent me a picture to me after getting suspicious that the condoms kept breaking I was able to confirm that's not the pill). He just cut off the sex.

Granted, there are always deeper issues that need to be discussed in situations like these. Work those out, and hopefully all will be well.
08/12/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by TexasBrat
This actually happened with my ex, which is why our sex life slowed down to almost nothing.....

What would YOU do if your husband/wife wanted more children, but you honestly didn't? What if they actually threatened to poke holes in condoms ... more
Trust, mutual respect and common goals are, in our minds, the foundation, hallmark and core of any marriage. Without that, and without the other person being "on your side" and your best advocate (even when you disagree on a topic) what kind of relationship do you have?
08/14/2014
Contributor: DreezzyyBabyy DreezzyyBabyy
That's conniving..
08/17/2014
Contributor: SaucyxGirl SaucyxGirl
First off trust should always be a part of relationships, second that is fucked up. No one has the right to force another person via deceit into father/mother hood. I would be extremely angry if my partner even suggested poking holes in the condoms, that would be the very last conversation that we would have.
08/20/2014
Contributor: eri86 eri86
I'd stop having sex with them and insist we get therapy.

This is the sort of thing that is also up there with people who think that having a kid will save their relationship.
08/28/2014
Contributor: edeneve edeneve
wow, that's more than disrespectful! get away as fast as you can.
09/10/2014
Contributor: Inquisitor Inquisitor
Trust for me is a deal breaker. If I can't trust you or they don't trust me, it is basically over.

He couldn't get a dog or some other animal that requires a fair amount of maintenance? That's almost like a kid.
01/11/2015
Contributor: peachmarie peachmarie
Quote:
Originally posted by TexasBrat
This actually happened with my ex, which is why our sex life slowed down to almost nothing.....

What would YOU do if your husband/wife wanted more children, but you honestly didn't? What if they actually threatened to poke holes in condoms ... more
I think that both people in the relationship should be on the same page about children, if you don't want more they cannot force you to have more. At least not in a healthy relationship.
01/26/2015
Contributor: Livia Drew Livia Drew
I would stop having sex with them and insist we go to marriage counseling. If my spouse had that kind of disregard for my choice, I'd think we would need to address some deeper relationship problems. It would also give them a safe forum to speak their piece about why it was so important to them to have more children. Could be something else behind that need that could be addressed in a way suitable for both partners. Not everyone is comfortable with outside intervention, though, and it's a personal decision.
03/22/2015
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by Livia Drew
I would stop having sex with them and insist we go to marriage counseling. If my spouse had that kind of disregard for my choice, I'd think we would need to address some deeper relationship problems. It would also give them a safe forum to speak ... more
The way you write and talk. I bet you have a PhD or Masters in something. It's about time we got someone here that knows what she's talking about. So glad and honored to have you here !

Please don't leave again.

All kidding aside, no I mean it. It's nice to have you here to offset some of us jokers.
03/22/2015
Contributor: Livia Drew Livia Drew
Quote:
Originally posted by OH&W, Lovebears
The way you write and talk. I bet you have a PhD or Masters in something. It's about time we got someone here that knows what she's talking about. So glad and honored to have you here !

Please don't leave again.

All ... more
You've got me pegged (no pun intended). And you guys are in no way jokers. The fact that you're part of such an awesome community means that you've got more smarts than the average Joe/Jane!
03/25/2015
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by Livia Drew
You've got me pegged (no pun intended). And you guys are in no way jokers. The fact that you're part of such an awesome community means that you've got more smarts than the average Joe/Jane!
Or we are too dumb to know how smart we are. ummh...
03/25/2015
Contributor: TexasBrat TexasBrat
Quote:
Originally posted by Livia Drew
I would stop having sex with them and insist we go to marriage counseling. If my spouse had that kind of disregard for my choice, I'd think we would need to address some deeper relationship problems. It would also give them a safe forum to speak ... more
I did end up leaving him. It's been almost 3 years now. He thought I was "selfish" for only wanting the one child. I know my limitations, and told him so when we had discussed having children. I'd told him that, chances were, I'd only want one, and he'd have to be ok with one from me, or none. He said he was, but, most of the women he's use to being around, want a lot of kids. I never did. So, he tried to blame me for being "selfish". No, I was honest. There's a difference. After he joked and said that, like I said, sex was almost non-existent. I learned a lot the last 5 yrs of our 11 year marriage/relationship. Yes, he was conniving, but he never impregnated me again. I made sure of it. He never would've gone to marriage counseling. He said he "didn't believe in that malarky".
Now, he has another girlfriend, and their son is almost a year old. I guess he told his mother that he was thinking of getting a vasectomy, because the child support is killing him. LOL
I can't even begin to feel bad for this dude.
When he told me about the baby, I laughed. He tried telling me to be careful, that I'd end up pregnant and having to get married (because he thought pregnant women have to get married-yet he hasn't married his GF yet/still). I laughed again and told him I wasn't that stupid, and I was getting my tubes tied. He told me that I'd "be cutting down my availability", meaning potential relationships because I couldn't get pregnant. WTH???? I laughed at that again. What kind of man wants to have a baby with a 41 yr old???
07/20/2015