If you were raped as in penetrated, then your hymen will not be intact anymore. I'm so sorry that this happened to you...

The thing is, any dildo might mimic the physical sensation of being penetrated, but it won't generally prepare you for the emotional impact of taking another person into your body. If you've been abused, and learned to associate that kind of intimacy with a very negative feeling, then you might find that even voluntary sex will tend to bring back sensations of fear and sadness. I don't want to sound negative about this, because sex can and should be an incredibly blissful experience, but I've been raped too and I know that it's very normal for sex to feel different afterwards. Not just physically but mentally.

That's not to say that you should avoid a healthy sex life though, or that you should accept sex as being a negative experience in your life. It will really help if you can find a partner that you can trust, and if you build up a great deal of emotional intimacy before you take it to a sexual level. We often talk about the mechanics of sex, and what makes it physically pleasurable, but sex is still an intensely intimate experience where one can feel very exposed, body and soul. With love and trust, anyone can turn a bad sexual history into a positive and healthy future, all it takes is a willingness to take that emotional power away from your rapist and give your body and your wellbeing back to yourself.

My first question... Have you been treated, psychologically, for the rape and abuse? If not, I would recommend doing so. This is more about your emotional/mental well-being than the physical.

Physically, for penetration, I would say that you should 1) go slowly. 2) Use something small/slender. 3) Make sure you are very aroused. 4)Use lubricant if necessary.

Especially 3, making sure you're very aroused will relax your vaginal muscles. You want to make sure you are not anxious or tightening your muscles when you try penetration for the first time. This will make it difficult to insert the toy and also could make it painful.

Like I said before, though, you really should get treated by a psychologist who specializes in helping rape/abuse victims with sexual dysfunction and/or preparing for a sexual encounter. They are out there.

I'm so sorry this happened to you i was also raped from the age of 4 to the age of 9 and i have not had sex either i just use vibes also. i have gotten therapy for it and it has helped, i hope you have too because something like that just doesn't go away. And as for your question about your hymen still being intact , it doesn't sound like it is with the abuse you went through.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I was molested when I was almost five years old, and the abuse continued for a few months after I turned five. Though I was not actually raped PIV, it was pretty invasive. I always felt guilty for having such hangups over this experience since I knew other people had experienced much worse.

Since I had been penetrated with fingers at such a young age, I had wondered whether my hymen was still intact when I became old enough to know about such things. I didn't have sex until I was 22 because I was so frightened and intimidated by teen boys. I developed a reputation as a snotty bitch during high school by rebuffing anyone who was interested in me. But I wasn't arrogant; I was scared.

Surprisingly, my hymen was still intact enough that I bled the first time I had sex, though I'd never tried to insert anything other than tampons. Any masturbation I'd done up to that point had been external stimulation. So, whether or not your hymen is still intact would depend upon how much your hymen was stretched during this unfortunate experience, which was NOT your fault. No child should ever be abused in ANY way, and touching a child in even the slightest sexual way leaves a lasting emotional mark and is definitely abuse. I echo everyone else's advice to seek counseling for this.

Anyway, back to your question . . . Even if your hymen is not intact, you still need to go slow with penetration if you are not accustomed to any type of penetration. The vaginal muscles tend to tighten up when they are not used. You can start by gradually inserting one finger or using narrow toys, and then work your way up in size to help the muscles become more elastic. I suggest reading your favorite type of erotic literature and/or looking at photos or scenes in movies that you find to be especially erotic to help you become aroused and relaxed. Don't ever force the penetration; just enjoy what feels good to you.

First of all, I'd like to say you're MORE than welcome to talk about your experience as much as you'd like in this space. Many of us here have similar experiences (myself included) and this is a safe space to process those experiences and talk about how you want to move through your sexuality in the future. Please never be afraid to share, ask or anything like that.

Your hymen may or may not be in tact - some people do not have theirs tear the first, second of twentieth time they have penetrative intercourse. Some never have penetrative intercourse but year theirs through solo masturbation. Some are born without one and some are born with especially thick hymens. The fact is that looking at a hymen to determine someone's sexual history is inaccurate and not useful. I know that my hymen was actually broken by my own masturbation long before I was ever penetrated during sex. I also know an ex girlfriend of mine had a boyfriend for a year and a half and they regularly had sex but her hymen was completely in tact.

Rape and sex are NOT the same thing and it is dangerous that our culture believes they are. Sex, by definition, takes places between two consenting adults. If you are below the age of consent, or you did not say yes, then you did not have sex. You were by definition sexually assaulted, and in my personal estimation still a virgin as far.

I would also recommend feeling around with just a finger or two at first, using a little lubricant to prevent discomfort, and figuring out what feels good this way. Not all female bodied individuals enjoy penetration, so maybe just see if you like the sensations first. If you know that you do, then I would also start with something smaller at first like this thing G-spotter:



Take your time, listen to your heart and body and love yourself! Those are my words of advice. It is true (as said above) that penetration can trigger bad feelings, but it doesn't have to necessarily. Spend lots of time alone figuring out what you like and learning your body. And feel free to share here as much as you like Best of luck to you, it's not an easy road but it can be a very, very blissful, happy and rewarding one!

Also, I would not recommend that you seek counseling unless you feel ready and you WANT to. You shouldn't feel like you HAVE to go or you won't "get better" or something. You're not broken, there is nothing wrong with you and you do not have any obligation to DO ANYTHING that you don't want to.

This is about you making choices for yourself that make you feel comfortable and happy. Going to therapy before you're ready has in my experience caused further trauma - not only for myself, but for friends and family. Especially because frankly? Some therapists are awful and can be very indelicate. So do not feel like you have to see a doctor to "cure" you in order to be sexually happy and healthy. You do not.

I was raped at age 13 so i know how you feel and no if he put his penis in you at all your hymen is not intact, I wish i kept my virginty but i got it stolen from a asshole!