The New Intimacy

My situation

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Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
I really care about my bf of 3 years,but I have to admit with our conflicting work schedules and him living out of town and both of us living at our parents cuz we can't afford anything..anyway so I get sex once or twice a week but it seems he doesn't want to fuck everytime he comes over could be bad diet and lack of fitness and just getting off work,idk but It's really a big turn off for me when I patiently wait all week for him to finally come over and hang out and get some lovin,then don't get it,hell I was half undressed I was wearing a sexy bra and pajama bottoms.

I felt rejcted or not that desirable and boring..ohe just wasn't in the mood and next wensday is the only day our schedules work out so we can hang out,so I think it' s my turn to not be in the mood,what do u think? he was asking about my "puppy eyes" and then that I was giving him the look. That was me begging for it with my eyes and then feeling rejected and frustrated.
03/13/2010
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Contributor: ordinaryak ordinaryak
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
I really care about my bf of 3 years,but I have to admit with our conflicting work schedules and him living out of town and both of us living at our parents cuz we can't afford anything..anyway so I get sex once or twice a week but it seems he ... more
i know how you feel and right now i can tell your resenting him and its making your angry so your trying to "punish" him am i right?

well instead of punishing him and making him think your angry at him for somthing he probably has no idea what for why not try talking to him about it? trust me i know its hard but just let him know you want a need alittle bit more, let him know that this could in fact be a deal breaker/ let him know how much you love him but need more physical satisfaction. but remeber if he doesnt physically feel sexual its not his fault so let him know your willing to compromise and that your not telling him "i need it 5 days a week or your gone"
be honest and sincere you love him and dont want to hurt him but you do need more from him to feel connected. try suggesting that he go down on you or use his hand on you if he doesnt feel like sex or even ask him to spoon you or wrap his arms around you and kiss you while you yourself masturbate. just having him there can help you feel connected with him sexually even if your masturbating yourself. good luck i hope all goes well
03/13/2010
Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by ordinaryak
i know how you feel and right now i can tell your resenting him and its making your angry so your trying to "punish" him am i right?

well instead of punishing him and making him think your angry at him for somthing he probably has no ... more
no I won't say it's a deal breaker but if he says i'm lying i'm not in the mood i'll tell him that I really am turned off and tell him my big turn off/ your turn to not get it when u want it and tell him about my big turn off.
03/13/2010
Contributor: sarahbear sarahbear
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
I really care about my bf of 3 years,but I have to admit with our conflicting work schedules and him living out of town and both of us living at our parents cuz we can't afford anything..anyway so I get sex once or twice a week but it seems he ... more
No one is a mind reader. He can't just know how badly you want sex. You can not possibly convey to him that you want sex and that he has hurt your feelings simply by giving him any 'look'.

Open your mouth and say "I felt rejected when...", "It hurts my feelings when...", "We don't get to see each other very often and I'd like to have sex more frequently." Until you tell him what's going on, he doesn't know. It's very unfair for you to start resenting him and be angry at him for something he isn't even aware he's doing. Communication is the key to happy relationships.
03/13/2010
Contributor: Heartthrob Heartthrob
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
I really care about my bf of 3 years,but I have to admit with our conflicting work schedules and him living out of town and both of us living at our parents cuz we can't afford anything..anyway so I get sex once or twice a week but it seems he ... more
I would talk to him about it and let him know how you feel.
03/13/2010
Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Heartthrob
I would talk to him about it and let him know how you feel.
hello yes I probly will just nervous or something idk
03/13/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
As long as you keep the statements focused on YOUR feelings it won't be confrontational...some thing like "Last time we were alone together I felt (whatever you felt, lonely , rejected, frustrated ect.) and it seemed like you were uninterestd in me..." Choose a time when you are relaxed and in a good frame of mind, trying to have a good conversation while tired or stressed from work is not a good place to work from. Most of all just talk and then listen. If he says it wasn't you and that he was tired or whatever take him at his word. Once you have established the reasons behind the lack of lovin' you can put some of the other excellent suggestions to work for you. Mutual or shared masturbation can be a lovely relaxing method of bonding without the physical strain of full on intercourse.
A good bonding exercize is lover's massage. When you massage the skin of a partner especially with the palms of your hands it releases oxytocin into the bloodstream of both parties increasing the feeling of bondedness and just plain old euphoria. There are SO many good and very inexpensive massage oils available on EF such as Sensuous Oil by Kingman which is only $6.00 and SO very worth it! It might be a good idea to get a nice oil (hell even olive oil will work) give him a nice warm oil rubdown starting on his back and using the palms of your hands WHILE you discuss your issue with his seeming lack of interest. You'll be more relaxed and he'll understand that you aren't attacking him and be more relaxed. Win win situation...and it works!
The one thing you need to understand in all of this is if you aren't forthright and open about what you want or need, and you rely on looks or hints you are guilty of a form of manipulation. It's much more loving to simply ask for what you need and risk rejection than to fume silently when your "pleas" are unanswered. I learned this the hard way and nearly lost my husband over the issue...I leanred from our life partner that the correct way to deal with these issues is honesty. Ask and you might receive, don't ask and sure enough you won't.

I do wish you luck and courage...it's not an easy problem to deal with.
03/14/2010
Contributor: Sunshine14343 Sunshine14343
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
I really care about my bf of 3 years,but I have to admit with our conflicting work schedules and him living out of town and both of us living at our parents cuz we can't afford anything..anyway so I get sex once or twice a week but it seems he ... more
i had a similar situation with my ex bf of over 2 and a half years. Him and I go to the same college and he would come to my off campus apartment when he had a gap between classes. Anyways, I would always want to fool around when he was over and he would reject me. So, i asked him why he kept declining my sexual advances. He told me that sometimes he would just rather hang out and not fool around every time we have the chance. He said he would rather spend quality time together that doesn't deal with being physical. So, I told him if he wants to be like that then him and i made a deal to not do anything for 10 days. He wanted to break that deal like 3 days after we made it, but I made him stick to it for his sake. Turns out that making him wait was the best thing. After those 10 days he was all over me, which was AMAZING =)
good luck
05/20/2010
Contributor: Persephone's Addiction Persephone's Addiction
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
I really care about my bf of 3 years,but I have to admit with our conflicting work schedules and him living out of town and both of us living at our parents cuz we can't afford anything..anyway so I get sex once or twice a week but it seems he ... more
this has been my gripe with my boyfriend for years. It DOES cause problems when there is a sexual issue in the relationship and it's especially hard when one partner feels rejected by the other.
And this is one situation where I haven't seen communication helping. My BF doesn't want sex - nothing I say to him is going to change that. It just makes him feel badly...and then I feel guilty for saying anything.
But I do think that a lack of sex drive can be a medical problem. However, if you're having sex once or twice a week, you have no room to complain! lol I've gone 9 months with nothing, which is why I came to Eden Fantasys.
Seriously though, if you guys have sex twice a week, you're pretty normal. If you want it more often, talk to him about it. Maybe he's not good at reading your cues?? Tell him, "When I make this face, it means I need cock."
05/21/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Persephone's Addiction
this has been my gripe with my boyfriend for years. It DOES cause problems when there is a sexual issue in the relationship and it's especially hard when one partner feels rejected by the other.
And this is one situation where I haven't ... more
"When I make this face, it means I need cock" - that is awesome.
05/21/2010
Contributor: Persephone's Addiction Persephone's Addiction
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
"When I make this face, it means I need cock" - that is awesome.
lol thanks
05/23/2010