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Infertility

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Contributor: Army.Wife Army.Wife
Has anyone had to deal with infertility.
My husband and I have been going throught the doctors appointments and the steps to resolve some of the problems dealing with infertility and I feel as though both our sex drives have gone down. I was wondering if that is normal. If so how do you keep things from being a chore when it's constantly "I'm ovulating...now, now, now" or "NO HONEY NOT UNTIL ------"
05/03/2010
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Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
It honestly depends on the situation and other factors as well. You've said that your husband is in the military and that makes things hard as well. I've known couples who have tried for years to get pregnant and finally have.

To keep things from being a "chore" don't look at it as "Honey, we have to try to make a baby now!". Look at it from the perspective of "Let's make love and if it happens, it happens." I know it's hard, but stressing about having to have sex at certain times of the month is eventually going to put stress on sex itself. It has the potential to at least.

I am 98% infertile due to abuse and a condition that I suffer with. For me, it'll take a miracle, but I did have my doctor tell me that, eventually, I could try the artificial insemination thing that they're able to do with frozen sperm. I don't know how that works or what not, but this goes into my next suggestion.

Since your husband is in the military and goes away for periods, talk to your doctor about possibly taking some of his sperm and trying to the fertilization that way while he's away. That way, if it works, he doesn't have to necessarily be there while you're ovulating for it to happen. Does that make sense?

I know it's hard and I'm there with you 100% of the way. If you have any questions or want to talk more, feel free to message me or respond here. Good luck to you and your husband!
05/03/2010
Contributor: Nashville Nashville
Infertility has plagued me for well over 4 years. 4 years filled with this horrible feeling of, "it's never going to happen". You can definitely start to feel like a robot when having sex, you just have to keep pushing to make it feel like new each and every time. When it starts to feel like a chore or becomes monotonous you need to step back and say, "Hey! We need to be having fun!" Making sex fun can sometimes be even harder than trying to get pregnant, trust me, I know.

If it helps at all, here's an article I wrote last year.

link

I hope things look up and just know, you are not alone!
05/26/2010
Contributor: SweetestAngelGoneBad SweetestAngelGoneBad
I tried for many years to get pregnant. I tried for 5 1/2 years with my ex husband and 3 years with current husband. I have had 7 surgeries due to cyst, which caused me to have a whomping 2% chance of getting pregnant. I changed dr's and he put me on a pill called aygestin, side effects incude but not limited to, hot flashes, mood swings out the ass, low sex drive, no periods.. Well after a year of takeing these pills I asked the dr about coming off of them to see if I could get pregnant. Honestly he kinda advised against it with all the problems I had, but told me to try it and if I start feeling like I was getting a cyst to start them back A.S.A.P.. Well I was off of them a total of 6 months when I found out I was pregnant. The first month after being off of them I bled like a stuffed hog, I mean bad and the cramps was no fun either. But once I found out I was pregnant I didnt care what I went through that year, it was well worth it. I now have a healthy 3 year old that thinks he is 30..lol... But have started having the same problems after giving birth I would say about a year later. But to me it was well worth it. I got the one I asked God for..
06/15/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Army.Wife
Has anyone had to deal with infertility.
My husband and I have been going throught the doctors appointments and the steps to resolve some of the problems dealing with infertility and I feel as though both our sex drives have gone down. I was ... more
It's difficult to keep it fresh when you are trying to conceive. it can wreck havok in your relationship and just make both of you miserable. Sex becomes just a vehicle for conception and if it fails then you both feel the let down. The way Sigel and I dealt with it was to really really try to make those ovulation days special. A great dinner of subtle aphrodisiacs, hot sizzling sex with toys and all the "props" (I have a tilted uterus which makes it difficult for sperm to enter my cervix), blindfolds, feathers you name it we tried it. I would test for ovulation or optimal cervical mucus times and he would grab me for "spontaneous" sex. It takes work and planning but it can bring you closer together.

Also unless you have a schedule set by your infertility specialist (I know there are some conditions that will demand he wait until the optimum time to orgasm) don't get too wrapped up in "only at these times". You still need spotenaity and there is a whole lot of truth to the relax and it will happen advice. It was a complete surprise for us when we got pregnant the first time because we had actually quit all the fertility "treatments". Now I know that's not possible for everyone and our problems were relatively minor but you need to take a deep breath and relax. You MUST keep your relationship strong for your future baby anyhow, so look at this as a time to build that relationship first and foremost. It will make your first few years of new parenthood much easier and sweeter.

Be gentle with each other and stay loving. Keep talking and allow yourselves to grieve the loss of an easy conception...then you open the door to the renewed vigor of trying again! Good Luck to you both.
06/15/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
It honestly depends on the situation and other factors as well. You've said that your husband is in the military and that makes things hard as well. I've known couples who have tried for years to get pregnant and finally have.

To ... more
Thant's not a bad suggestion Vieux Carre! That way if decreased motility is his issue they can wash the sperm and choose the hardiest to use. It's a bit expensive for a military family though...still it can't hurt to ask!
06/15/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
Infertility has plagued me for well over 4 years. 4 years filled with this horrible feeling of, "it's never going to happen". You can definitely start to feel like a robot when having sex, you just have to keep pushing to make it feel ... more
It took Sigel and I nearly ten years of unprotected sex to conceive due to his late teen bout of chicken pox. It can happen you just have to relax and keep the faith.
06/15/2010