The New Intimacy

How to get wife to want to have sex more?

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Contributor: rom323 rom323
My wife and I are 30 years old. been married 4 years. She seems fine with sex once a week. Although, I make her have sex at least 2 to 3 times a week. She also does not like to wear lingerie or initiate sex at all. If I want it I have to ask and beg for it.

I try to make it as much fun for her as I can. I have bought her over $1,500 worth of toys and vibrators, we watch porn so she can get turned on, when she decides to have sex, she has amazing orgasms every time we have sex. We visit sex shops together, we watch porn together, we talk about sex alot and we try everything we are interested in trying.

She says sex is just not important to her. I don't understand how this is because orgasming for me is the best feeling ever and want to do it all the time. She says it feels good and she likes it but does not think about it again.

Anyone else heard of this or can offer suggestions for me of how to get her more into sex.
12/27/2011
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Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
I think the fact that you "make her have sex" isn't helping you. I took antidepressants that killed my sex drive for a while. The more my husband tried to push the issue and force it, the less I wanted anything to do with it. Trying to force something that should be natural is counter productive.

Now if you back off and she still isn't interested it could just be that she has a lower sex drive. Many people have lower sex drives. If this creates a serious issue you may want to seek out couple's counseling as that's beyond my scope of expertise.
12/27/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
I was going to say something very similar. "Making someone have sex" is a sure fire way to make them resent sex. That will only make her pull away from you more. It sounds like you're constantly pressuring her to be sexual - that will not help, but will have the opposite reaction.

She could have a general check up to make sure she's healthy and nothing is wrong physically that is affecting her sex drive. (Lots of health issues can affect sex drive.) If she gets the ok healthwise, then she may just have a lower sex drive than you.

That will be something you'll have to discuss as a couple and come to an agreement or compromise. I can guarantee you though - making her have sex, pressuring her or guilting her into is NOT going to pay off in the long run. You have got to come to a mutual agreement on the subject that is acceptable to both of you.

(And just as a tip, the times I can't help myself but come on to my man are times when he connects with me emotionally, helps me with a chore or project, opens himself up to me and become vulnerable, or does something I had previously asked him to do. For women, foreplay does not just take place in the bedroom, that's just a tip for you. )
12/27/2011
Contributor: dontbackdown02 dontbackdown02
Quote:
Originally posted by rom323
My wife and I are 30 years old. been married 4 years. She seems fine with sex once a week. Although, I make her have sex at least 2 to 3 times a week. She also does not like to wear lingerie or initiate sex at all. If I want it I have to ask and beg ... more
Me and my husband started a relationship not based on sex. sex is an added item. Try talking to her about it. My husband says sex is not part of the married relation ship.
12/30/2011