The New Intimacy

High sex drive

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Contributor: geliebt geliebt
Hey everyone!
There's something that's been nagging at the back of my mind for a long time, and really I just want a little validation about this..

For a little background, I'm a 20 year old heterosexual female.
I have (apparently) a really high sex drive. Now, I've only ever been with two partners so maybe I just managed to pick less sexually driven men, but neither of them have REALLY matched up with me. Ideally, I'd like to have sex for around an hour, and at least 3 times a week, depending on the situation. This has never seemed unreasonable to me, but I'm starting to wonder
My first partner was two years older than me and was fairly close, but it always seemed like I was much more into it than he was, and there were times when I'd be practically begging him for sex and he just wouldn't be having any of it!
My current partner is a little more than 12 years older than me (big jump, I know ) and seems to have an even lower sex drive. I guess he didn't quite GET it when I told him that I REALLY LOVE SEX, because he just doesn't have the sexual appetite or stamina that I do.

It's starting to wear on me. I can only hope that with time and work, things will get better with my current partner, but I just don't know. I know guys, stereotypically, are the ones with high sex drives. Of course, that's just a stereotype, but it seems odd to me that I managed to find two in a row who aren't as into sex as me
I always thought it was a great thing that I have such a high drive, but it's starting to feel like it's dragging me down. Not being sexually satisfied is tough. I have plenty of toys and masturbation is definitely great, but I don't actually get sexual SATISFACTION from it- just an orgasm or two, whereas some good (rough!!) sex just really leaves me feeling peaceful, happy and very fulfilled, despite my inability to orgasm from intercourse. It's awesome and it kills me not to have it for very long periods of time!

Sorry for the novel there, but basically, I want to know if anyone else is like this (male, female, or anything in between, but I'm most interested in hearing from the ladies here!) and get a little validation.
What do you do? How do your partners react? Am I just not normal??

Thanks, lovelies this is killing me and I'd love to have some support from the community!
02/03/2012
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Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
You're not alone!!! Actually I'd like to ideally have sex nearly every day, and an hour at the MINIMUM (including foreplay.) There is nothing wrong with having a high sex drive. It just means your hormones are functioning properly.

P.S. I feel your pain, regarding having a partner with a lower sex drive. My husband and I are definitely mismatched. But that could be just because he works 16 hour days. :-( Thank goodness for toys!
02/09/2012
Contributor: geliebt geliebt
Quote:
Originally posted by bayosgirl
You're not alone!!! Actually I'd like to ideally have sex nearly every day, and an hour at the MINIMUM (including foreplay.) There is nothing wrong with having a high sex drive. It just means your hormones are functioning properly. ... more
Thanks! good to hear someone else feels similarly! It's no fun being sexually frustrated half the time >.<
02/09/2012
Contributor: Ahatmadeofshoes12 Ahatmadeofshoes12
I think you must be my internet equivalent. This has been a big problem for me in all of my most recent relationships. I have always been the one to initiate sex 85% of the time in all of my relationships but my past two partners left me very sexually unsatisfied and in both cases it led to us breaking up. I want to have sex daily but I can settle for 3-4 times a week if I have to. I had one partner who I saw every day but he only wanted sex once every two weeks. That was not enough for me and we both ended it since I was sick of feeling rejected and unsatisfied and he was tired of feeling pressured and inadequate. My most recent partner was just unreliable about not flaking on plans and wasn't good at reciprocating so I dumped him. I'm sick of having male partners with low libidos. Based on what you hear about men wanting sex all the time you would think it would be easier to find a partner who was as horny and kinky as you are. It feels like a cruel joke to me.
02/09/2012
Contributor: geliebt geliebt
Quote:
Originally posted by Ahatmadeofshoes12
I think you must be my internet equivalent. This has been a big problem for me in all of my most recent relationships. I have always been the one to initiate sex 85% of the time in all of my relationships but my past two partners left me very ... more
Ugh, it sucks I'm sorry!
That's what I'm afraid of with my current relationship. Everything else is great, but I'm worried that I just won't be left satisfied ever, and that it could turn into something huge. I really don't know where this OMGHORNY MEN! stereotype comes from if there are so damn many with low sex drives... it has to have some kernel of truth >.<
02/09/2012
Contributor: blacklodge blacklodge
I sort of feel the same way. I do have a high sex drive and I want sex more than I get it, but when me and my man do have sex it's worth the wait. He lasts longer than any other guy I've been with and he is definitely the biggest. I guess this is the downside. A low sex drive. Ha.
02/09/2012
Contributor: geliebt geliebt
Quote:
Originally posted by blacklodge
I sort of feel the same way. I do have a high sex drive and I want sex more than I get it, but when me and my man do have sex it's worth the wait. He lasts longer than any other guy I've been with and he is definitely the biggest. I guess ... more
Well at least you have somethin'! I'm definitely a little unsatisfied with how long my partner lasts.. the foreplay is always great and he's a HUGE fan of oral sex, so I get lots but he'll only go for about half an hour, tops which is totally not enough for me... I wanna be SORE and TIRED from all the sex I had last night, damnit!
02/09/2012
Contributor: geliebt geliebt
Just a little bump!
02/17/2012
Contributor: geliebt geliebt
Bumping this up one more time. Anyone else with the same experience?
03/12/2012
Contributor: SeductivelyCute SeductivelyCute
I can understand where you are coming from. I like have only had 2 partners also, but both of them didn't want it as much as I do. The first one was older than the me a more than 5 years and he came close, cause he was able to go for awhile. The second which was a few years older than me, didn't want it as much as I did. I ended up breaking up with him, not because of the sex.
03/13/2012
Contributor: geliebt geliebt
Quote:
Originally posted by SeductivelyCute
I can understand where you are coming from. I like have only had 2 partners also, but both of them didn't want it as much as I do. The first one was older than the me a more than 5 years and he came close, cause he was able to go for awhile. The ... more
It really sucks
It's made me feel really weird, like I'm not normal or something. And my first partner always seemed.. indignant about it, when I wanted sex and he didn't. As though it was wrong of me. Of course, that relationship ended up borderline abusive, so he sucks anyway!
I wish you the best of luck finding someone awesome
03/13/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
You are not weird, sweetie. Wanting sex 3 or 4 times a week is well within the boundaries of "average." I've gone though periods, many, where I've needed it once or twice a day. My Man has a high sex drive, but at this point in our lives, he's in his 50s, so sometimes I get it every day and sometimes he falls asleep in the evening and then I go to the bathroom in the morning and when I get back into the bedroom, he's dressed and ready for work. (That is his way of saying, "I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood."

Then we go through a period of daily or twice daily sex. We're in a dry spell right now, we're both sick with colds, I've been feeling like shit, and I have my period (I usually want sex a lot during my period, but I just feel sick this time) he's working like crazy and sick, and our youngest child got sick at school today (thank G*d she made it to the bathroom) and now I have that to worry about. So, we're in a not so good place. And he was ragging at me tonight about something that made no sense and I was thinking, "Shit. We really need to have a wall banging, scream inducing toy laden fuck fest pretty soon, or one of us is going to go Postal."

I think one of the reasons for dating is to find a compatible person, and of course, a partner's drive is part of that. It's not always perfect, but it should be close at least a great part of the time.
03/13/2012
Contributor: geliebt geliebt
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
You are not weird, sweetie. Wanting sex 3 or 4 times a week is well within the boundaries of "average." I've gone though periods, many, where I've needed it once or twice a day. My Man has a high sex drive, but at this point in our ... more
Thanks for replying! Awesome post

I really hope you both feel better soon, and you get that awesome screaming sex you're looking for!

Definitely. It did suck finding someone who was generally pretty compatible with me, only to find out he wasn't as interested in sex as me.. wasn't into the same things I was either, and there were a few other little weird things so meh, but still it was definitely a let down! I can only hope that it gets better next time around

Thanks again Good to know I'm (sort of) normal!
03/14/2012