First of all, it has to be said... if you have any history of rape or sexual abuse there could be underlying emotional issues causing this problem and I would definitely seek the counsel of a therapist.

Okay, that out of the way... this could also be a physical condition. It is possible that you are not generating enough blood-flow to your genitals to maintain arousal (which would be the equivalent of flaccid penis), in which case you may want to talk to your gynecologist about meds that may help (or what may be causing...). You may even have some luck with female arousal creams, although I can't say how effective they are since I have never used them.

Finally... as far as plain suggestions go.... I would just try to play on what turns you on (porn, erotica, fantasy, whatever) and try a variety of techniques to continue that feeling as long as possible. It may take some time and experimentation to discover what your body reacts best to. Some women like to lay on their back and use their fingers directly on the clit, some prefer less direct, by rubbing the mons or labia. Some like circles, back/forth, up/down... differing speeds. Some women prefer to lay on their stomachs and grind against pillows or mattresses. Don't get too frustrated if it takes several minutes to get into it and decide if you like that technique or not.
And of course, we can't forget the power of a vibrator (the erocillator is wonderful), or of just plain stream of warm water via the tub faucet.

I wouldn't even be too concerned about reaching orgasm at this point, just in trying to stay relaxed and go with the "feeling". Other than that, I am really out of ideas. I'm sure someone else can come along with more, and perhaps even better suggestions. Good luck!!

As long as you're not stretching your budget, I'd recommend going to a therapist if there is even a question of going. They are really helpful even if you don't consider your problem serious - and if you don't like it, you can just stop going.

A doctor will also help, especially if you suspect your birth control pills. They can also talk to you about other hormonal issues that may be inhibiting your sex drive.

If you think it's all in your head, I second the vibrator idea. It's also important that you don't get into high-pressure sexual situations in which you feel like you need to perform. Relax, take it slow, and if the feeling goes away then stop. Don't force yourself to do it just because you wish you wanted to.

Everyone else had very good suggestions and I agree with all of them.

Have you thought of the possibility that you either feel it's wrong to be sexually involved with this person and you're just hiding those feelings, or perhaps you're not as sexually attracted to them as you may think? The woman's brain is definitely the most powerful sexual organ, and if you're feeling any negative feelings about the sexual relationship, it can pretty easily prevent you from feeling any pleasure.

I'd recommend before going to a therapist that you sit by yourself and really think thinks over. If you honestly can't think of any reason why you're not totally comfortable with your sexual arrangement, maybe go to a gyno (try Planned Parenthood if you're strapped for cash) to see if it's possible that your birth control is the problem. They might be able to help you, and prescribe you something that won't have those effects on you, if that is what is causing the problem.

If you try all of this to no avail, then try going to a therapist. Maybe you have some repressed feelings or memories about sex causing you to be unable to be aroused.

Hopefully our suggestions help! Let us know how it goes!

I have experienced similar issues, but lately it's been a lot better. I used to hook up with boys and not get aroused at all and wonder what was wrong with me and why I wasn't feeling anything. I think for me it was a combination of being nervous or uncomfortable and also not knowing what things turned me on. My current partner is the only one that I have ever really gotten aroused with, and I think it's because I feel comfortable with him and I've figured out some things that I like and I'm not afraid to ask him for them. I still find that it is easier for me to get aroused when I am by myself fantasizing about being with him than when I am actually with him though, so it's not totally resolved.

Good points all around. Just to add, too, I was also on birth control, and it really messed up my libido as well. They're doing studies on this because they found it makes the liver produce more globulins that filter out certain 'free' hormones, causing a drop in libido. They don't know how to reverse it. Perhaps if possible, i suggest going to get your hormone levels checked if possible at all to rule out any possible physical issues that may need replacement hormone therapy.

Of course it doesn't affect all women as we are all different, but it's being studied.

Also, keep an eye on your diet, avoid the fatty foods, eat healthy, and get plenty of sleep. It DOES help libido if you take care of yourself.

Just my thoughts.