my partner and i have very different sex drives--mine is super high and hers is average to below average. we make it work for us, but i'm wondering if anyone else has had the same issue and what you've done to alleviate tension about it.
different sex drives.
03/20/2011
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He: I bought a book!
She: Now I read instead and nothing is better.
He: Not true, liar. It was Betty Dodson's "Sex for One." She says it helped her to relax a bit because that lady is so out there that nothing we do could even come close to weird. It also helped her get more comfortable with herself.
She: That one did help a lot. I also have this other book (bookworm) called "5 Love Languages" and it's kind of a relationship self-help book, so it's a bit touchy-feely, but it does have some stuff in there about how to show your love better to your partner. Once we started doing a better job at that, it was way easier for me to get turned on.
He: I think people's brains get (read: her brain gets) in the way of being comfortable with sexuality. If there aren't any comfort issues and it's truly different drives, we navigate that with a lot of patience and a little self-love. It helps to be really open about everything, like "hey I'm turned on. If you're not, do you mind if I take care of it/do you want to help take care of it some other way?" Sometimes she'll get turned on watching me, and everything goes better than expected.
Last comment! According to Tim Ferris, doing stuff like boosting your testosterone will produce pheromones which will help make you irresistible. Read "The 4-Hour Body"
She: Now I read instead and nothing is better.
He: Not true, liar. It was Betty Dodson's "Sex for One." She says it helped her to relax a bit because that lady is so out there that nothing we do could even come close to weird. It also helped her get more comfortable with herself.
She: That one did help a lot. I also have this other book (bookworm) called "5 Love Languages" and it's kind of a relationship self-help book, so it's a bit touchy-feely, but it does have some stuff in there about how to show your love better to your partner. Once we started doing a better job at that, it was way easier for me to get turned on.
He: I think people's brains get (read: her brain gets) in the way of being comfortable with sexuality. If there aren't any comfort issues and it's truly different drives, we navigate that with a lot of patience and a little self-love. It helps to be really open about everything, like "hey I'm turned on. If you're not, do you mind if I take care of it/do you want to help take care of it some other way?" Sometimes she'll get turned on watching me, and everything goes better than expected.
Last comment! According to Tim Ferris, doing stuff like boosting your testosterone will produce pheromones which will help make you irresistible. Read "The 4-Hour Body"
04/14/2011
It can indeed be difficult.
Frustration does not make for harmonious relationships.
In my younger days it was quite a problem for more than a few of my partners.
Frustration does not make for harmonious relationships.
In my younger days it was quite a problem for more than a few of my partners.
04/14/2011
My libido is much much higher than my husbands. He is stressed about keeping up with me and not disappointing me. We are finding ways to make it work including me maturbating more, even if he is in the room, him learning accept that I don't expect any particular "performance" from him. It's a new problem for us since I am finally getting all hormonal drives back after 6 years of continuous pregnancy and/or Breastfeeding and the exhaustion of caring for small children/babies full time. Lactation lowers libido so after weaning my youngest it's like an unleashed tiger! In our younger college days we screwed like rabbits....much to the chagrin of neighbors.
07/11/2012
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Unique posters: 4