The New Intimacy

Never had an orgasm?

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Contributor: meezerosity meezerosity
This may be a bit long so bare with me please.

I am 21, a recent thyroid cancer survivor that I will need to take medication for the rest of my life now, have fibromyalgia, and suffer from schizophrenia, depression, and extreme anxiety/paranoia that I am also on a slew of medications for.

I've been sexually active since 16 and have never had an orgasm in my life. I've never particularly enjoyed sex either. Not much sensation despite trying everything I could think of. I've been on various medications, far too many to list since I was 13. I hit puberty very early around 9 when I got my period.

Am I just broken or have all of these meds, treatments, and mental issues squashed my libido completely? For a while I researched asexuality but that does not fit me. I crave affection and eventually will feel attracted to someone if I get close to them and love them enough. I suppose I fit in the category of demi-sexual.

Does anyone have any advice? Am I broken for good? I'm weaning off some of my medications now under the supervision of a doctor but there are some well known to decrease sex drive I am dependent on for life or I will become too mentally unstable. I'm at a loss and don't know what to do, so frustrated about this situation. I'm currently single and have had 3 partners in the past, none of which could help me nor can I seem to help myself.
01/06/2012
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Contributor: Chirple Chirple


Have you ever tried vibrators for clitoral stimulation ? How far did those get you ?

Have you ever tried a wand massager ?


I had my first orgasm a little while ago, at 22. I'm on some medication, but I'm unsure if it's effecting me or not. I've never come close from just manual stimulation. Vibrators changed that for me and gave me something I'd never thought I'd experience. However, not just any vibrator will work. The first one I ever had was so weak that it was just a frustration and upset me to the point I didn't look at toys again for a few years.

Can you / do you feel physically aroused ? When using a vibrator, does it produce that feeling at all ?


I wouldn't give up. If anything, you could talk to your doctor or see a sex therapist to see what the problem might be and what your options are. If it IS related to medication, they can give you a much clearer idea of what you're looking at, chemically.

I had a loss of sex-drive due to birth control at one point, and changing the medication seems to have helped, even if I'm not how I was when I was younger. I don't know how much of that is the medication and how much is just getting older. Other than hormonal BC, I'm not sure how other medication effects sex-drive, though I'm sure it can.
01/06/2012
Contributor: arduous arduous
Quote:
Originally posted by meezerosity
This may be a bit long so bare with me please.

I am 21, a recent thyroid cancer survivor that I will need to take medication for the rest of my life now, have fibromyalgia, and suffer from schizophrenia, depression, and extreme ... more
I know that many of the psych meds have loss of libido and inability to achieve orgasm as side effects, which just really seems cruel on top of everything else you have to deal with. Hugs to you.

When I was on a ton of psych/neuro meds, my doctors had some recommendations of supplements that could be safely taken with those meds that helped a little to increase sensitivity, lubrication, and libido. Another thought would be to talk to your endocrinologist. Your situation sounds pretty complex, but the thyroid stuff can seriously mess up a person's sex life, if your levels aren't just right.

Chirple's post has some great suggestions to explore. I know someone who was on medications that eliminated her ability to orgasm, and she had pretty good luck with a sex therapist.
01/06/2012
Contributor: meezerosity meezerosity
Quote:
Originally posted by arduous
I know that many of the psych meds have loss of libido and inability to achieve orgasm as side effects, which just really seems cruel on top of everything else you have to deal with. Hugs to you.

When I was on a ton of psych/neuro meds, my ... more
Thank you, I will look in to it
01/10/2012
Contributor: meezerosity meezerosity
Quote:
Originally posted by Chirple


Have you ever tried vibrators for clitoral stimulation ? How far did those get you ?

Have you ever tried a wand massager ?


I had my first orgasm a little while ago, at 22. I'm on some medication, but I'm unsure if ... more
Thank you so much for the advice. I do have a Gigi by Lelo that I like, it feels nice but doesn't really get me anywhere. I've used it for both internal and external stimulation.
01/10/2012
Contributor: Katelyn Katelyn
I think that each person is different but for me orgasmic is a very mental process as well. Just because you haven't had one yet doesn't mean you can't and just try to relax and be mentally aroused as well as physically.
Medication can play a huge part in this struggle but don't be discouraged!
Good luck hun and take it slow, you have been through a lot and I hope you can find what you want : )
01/18/2012
Contributor: Passionate Mandi Passionate Mandi
I agree with Katelyn. I think mental stimulation is key. I'm on lots of medications myself and they make it difficult to orgasm. Try reading an erotic story first or watch some porn if you're into it. It'll help get you into a sexier, relaxed mind set.
07/23/2012
Contributor: bottled-diva bottled-diva
I'm sorry that you have this issue. I recently heard about the concept of think off which uses breathing techniques to produce an orgasm. Check out this article if this sounds interesting. link
11/06/2012
Contributor: Supervixen Supervixen
You should speak with your doctor about it. If you take a lot of different kinds of drugs, and have for a while, then it certainly could effect your ability to orgasm. I've been on antidepressants in the past that made it nearly impossible for me to reach orgasm, when before, it was no problem.

And yes, it could be a mental block as well. Keep exploring, keep trying new techniques, and above all, be patient with yourself. I used to have trouble reaching orgasm with partners, no matter how turned on I was or how much I wanted it. I couldn't relax completely and just let myself go, and every time I told myself, "this time is going to be different!" I'd just psych myself out and get frustrated when I couldn't quite get there. It helped to STOP focusing on reaching an orgasm and just enjoy the different sensations as they happened, let them wash over me and not think of having an orgasm as the goal that must be achieved. Eventually, I relaxed and learned to appreciate the experiences as they came, and once I did that, well, I came! Don't get frustrated. Just enjoy the things that you feel, and it will open up door after door for you.

Also, don't think of yourself as defective. Everybody's body works differently, which is why you need to familiarize yourself with your own and explore it. I didn't find my g-spot until a couple of months ago, and believe me, I searched for it for forever! I've been masturbating since I was ten (my first orgasm as well), and am 26, and I constantly discover new things about my body and my sexual response. When you think of your sexuality like, "well, I guess this is it..." then you limit yourself. There are layers to sexuality and sometimes, it just takes time and perseverance to unlock all of it.

Good luck!
11/06/2012