The New Intimacy

Deafness

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Contributor: bodymodboy bodymodboy
I will be taking ASL translator classes soon, and will be working with elementary school kids with deafness to translate and help them in class. Recently, there has been a focus in my queer discussion groups on deafness in the community, but also about sex in general. I've found quite a great resistance within my circle towards trans people, let alone deaf people. Many people remarked things such as;
"Well, how can you do it if you can't HEAR them?"
"Do you they do it in the dark?"
"I bet they can't even do it in the shower."
Now, what struck me as odd was that there was a big "they vs. us" type thing, and some people even questioned how they would know they are queer if they are deaf (ridiculous, I know.), and I was curious to know your opinions.

What would you have done in this situation? Are you a deaf individual, and if so, what would you like to be said to these folks? I want to educate them, because a lot of them do not get it (racism, transphobia, ableism, etc).
05/01/2009
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Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
I was unaware that being deaf meant you couldn't get aroused. Are a man's ears connected to his penis and I just missed something?

And considering how deathly quiet some hearing individuals are...well, I don't think being able to hear would make much difference.
05/01/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
I was unaware that being deaf meant you couldn't get aroused. Are a man's ears connected to his penis and I just missed something?

And considering how deathly quiet some hearing individuals are...well, I don't think being able to ... more
I agree. It's shocking that people would equate deafness with the inability to have or enjoy sexual activity. WTF, right?

As a hearing person.. I'd be curious how communication does differ in bed but that's not really something you asked.
05/01/2009
Contributor: Ciao. Ciao.
Transphobia in the queer community seems to be pretty prevalent, unfortunately...and often times it's just a lack of education that is responsible for the issues. But it's still unfortunate-especially coming from people who have faced discrimination themselves.

On the deafness issue, I'd definitely say press the education issue with those involved. It seems ridiculous (to me) to assume that a deaf person couldn't enjoy sex and intimacy just as easily as anyone else.
05/01/2009
Contributor: Perish Perish
Thanks Boink, you nailed that. I'm going to be a little more crude though. I think it's a little pathetic, that those homosexuals and all the other what not in the "queer community" to sit on a computer or what ever their doing and talk about deaf people. I mean seriously wtf is wrong with those people. Yes, they may have some questions but the way you quoted them, made them to sound very ignorant. But in the end though it's like they say, it's not gay if you beat them up afterward.

Anyways, there are several other factors of arousal than just to be able to hear someone so being deal would not really have a big impact on sex i think. <-- IMO
05/01/2009
Contributor: Miss Jane Miss Jane
I have a friend who's deaf and gay, and she has no problems whatsoever with her sexuality. Just because you can't hear someone doesn't mean you can't feel them. Sure, it's great to hear your partner moaning - but if you can't hear them, your body tunes into the other body language they give off.
05/02/2009
Contributor: bodymodboy bodymodboy
Quote:
Originally posted by Ciao.
Transphobia in the queer community seems to be pretty prevalent, unfortunately...and often times it's just a lack of education that is responsible for the issues. But it's still unfortunate-especially coming from people who have faced ... more
Thanks boink. I'm definitely trying to educate the group about being an inclusive community, but it's very frustrating and hard. Even online, it's hard to find a safe space. The only one so far is post_queer on livejournal, which seems VERY anti-racism/anti-oppre ssion orientated and I don't need to do the obvious 101 lessons on "It's transphobic/ableist/ra cist/etc when you..."
05/02/2009
Contributor: bodymodboy bodymodboy
Quote:
Originally posted by Perish
Thanks Boink, you nailed that. I'm going to be a little more crude though. I think it's a little pathetic, that those homosexuals and all the other what not in the "queer community" to sit on a computer or what ever their doing and ... more
I am somewhat offended by your ""s around the word queer community. Are you implying that there is no such community, or that it's ridiculous that there is, or something else entirely? And, they are quite ignorant of things outside their own spectrum. And what about your line of "it's not gay if you beat them up afterward"? What does that mean?
05/02/2009
Contributor: Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
It is pretty sad that the group of people you refer to display such general ignorance about disabled individuals. On the WTF scale, it's at the same level as believing that nearsighted individuals are born with glasses perched on their little baby noses, if not slightly higher. I can't imagine anyone truly believing that deaf persons are unable to determine their own sexual orientation or have sex in the dark, but a lot of people surprise me nowadays.

I think the lesson learned here is that, even if you are discriminated against or a part of some minority, that does not make you immune to bigotry. This is true for racial groups, LGBT, disabled persons... "everyone's a little bit ___ist."

The cure for ignorance, traditionally, is education. However, there are those who just want to make a ruckus and will not listen because they don't want to be the ones in the wrong. If your circle consists of people that you mostly see in person, the next time that something like this comes up, just say "You know, that was kind of ignorant and rude." Let them know you're not ok with it. If this type of negative behavior persists and they are not willing to become more open-minded and less shallow, then it may be healthiest for you to find new folks to hang out with. I realize that's not always an option, depending on your community, but sometimes it's necessary.
05/02/2009
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by bodymodboy
I am somewhat offended by your ""s around the word queer community. Are you implying that there is no such community, or that it's ridiculous that there is, or something else entirely? And, they are quite ignorant of things outside ... more
The implication that I caught was that they weren't really members of the queer community, considering they aren't even trying to understand trans issues.
05/02/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by bodymodboy
I will be taking ASL translator classes soon, and will be working with elementary school kids with deafness to translate and help them in class. Recently, there has been a focus in my queer discussion groups on deafness in the community, but also ... more
I would have said that they're complete ignoramouses and have no idea what they're talking about. Being blind or deaf has nothing to do with sexual sensitivity or preference or even gender. Rather than making fun of them, it's a sad thing because they CANNOT hear or see their lover. But really, you don't need any of that - they're people too, so they will be whatever they are. Homosexual, trans-, or anything else.

And I agree with what a few people said, too. Transphobia in the homosexual community is very looked down upon, ridiculed, or completely unknown. And within the trans- community, there's people against each other for no reason at all. It's really just all ridiculous, people should just understand each other from the beginning and accept the differences in life.
06/15/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
I have a friend who's deaf and gay, and she has no problems whatsoever with her sexuality. Just because you can't hear someone doesn't mean you can't feel them. Sure, it's great to hear your partner moaning - but if you can't ... more
Exactly. The thing that I find difficult is people who are both blind and deaf. They only have taste and feel. Communication is very hard that way.
06/15/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Cinnamon
It is pretty sad that the group of people you refer to display such general ignorance about disabled individuals. On the WTF scale, it's at the same level as believing that nearsighted individuals are born with glasses perched on their little ... more
[I think the lesson learned here is that, even if you are discriminated against or a part of some minority, that does not make you immune to bigotry. This is true for racial groups, LGBT, disabled persons... "everyone's a little bit ___ist."]


Exacly and rightly put. Happens, sadly, all of the time. Completely true, especially in the LGBT community. I see it all of the time. As well as in ageism groups. They're generally geared towards older people, when, I'm sorry to say, younger and middle-aged people are discriminated against as well in that aspect.
06/15/2009
Contributor: Madam Z Madam Z
Quote:
Originally posted by bodymodboy
I will be taking ASL translator classes soon, and will be working with elementary school kids with deafness to translate and help them in class. Recently, there has been a focus in my queer discussion groups on deafness in the community, but also ... more
Be patient people's curiousity can seem very ignorant. I had a sign language instructor who told me he goes to deaf clubs. I was floored. Questions surfaced. Many stupid questions later but his patience and amusement overshadowed my ignorance. Lights and vibrators allow the music to be felt. So just be aware that your insights will minimize the ignorance prevelant in this world. I would ask them how would you have sex if you were deaf? Turn it back around on them. Most people ask questions but have the answers already.
Best of luck.
Z
12/28/2009