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My partner doesn't shower, what do I do?

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Contributor: ShadowedSeductress ShadowedSeductress
My partner and I have been together for 3.5 years. We're both 20 (well, I will be this month) and I'm having trouble getting him to shower.

He grew up in a normal home that taught him about hygiene. Ever since he got an xbox Christmas of 2011 he's decreased the frequency of his showers over time. It's bad enough that him playing has lessened our sex life but now he's hardly showering. He doesn't brush his teeth daily, (he's a smoker...) and just today I was wondering the last time he showered when I realized it was Easter morning. He tried telling me 3 days ago but even if that were true, that's pretty bad too. Of course shaving his face or body is even less frequent. He also works a labor job outside so he sweats a lot.

I'm concerned and quite honestly pretty turned off. I work a desk job and shower frequently. I'm pretty upset and I have no idea what to do about it. I tried talking to him and it just felt so weird, because he's an adult. To top it off, he's uncircumcised which I have always loved but he's DEFINITELY not getting clean, so it makes it a little gross.

Now I don't really think it has to do with him not wanting me, because he still looks at me in that special way, tells me I'm sexy all the time, kisses all over me, gets very turned on when watching me play, and also gets turned on when we're just TALKING about being intimate together.

When I asked him why he just said it feels like a waste of time. Granted I have said this myself multiple times when I was grumbling and getting in the shower but I still do it because it's necessary and I love being clean. He said he'd handle it himself but I'm just reaching my breaking point with this situation. I noticed how dirty his side of the bed was yesterday and was surprised once I really looked at it. I love him, don't get me wrong. I don't mean to sound harsh. I'm just embarrassed for him, for myself, and everything else.

I don't even know if anyone can help me, I just needed to vent.
04/06/2013
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Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
Informative topic breakdown of Shower Dildo:

Do You Shower Immediately After Sex?
After sex, what is the first thing that you do? Do you shower, or do you just lie back and relax?

Do you shower before or after sex?
do you like to be clean for sex, or do you usually shower after?

Showers
Do you have to shower after sex? care to explain?

Sex in the shower dual locking suction handle – position accessory
I think you could help me with this one. I think I'd love it but what about any of my partners?

Are you a Shower or a Grower
To all the men on EF do you show the goods that genetics gave you or is it a nice surprise for your S.O to find out. ^.~ If you don't understand my..
04/06/2013
Contributor: XxFallenAngelxX XxFallenAngelxX
Tell him how badly that it is bothering you. I really don't know, in this situation. I think I'm with you. I'm not sure how I would deal with it. I've never had that problem. My guys usually take too many showers, lol.

I hope things work out, sweetie!
04/06/2013
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
You need to get him to realize how it's effecting you, your attraction to him, and your feelings toward your sex life/relationship. Are you still being intimate with him even when he hasn't showered? Even though you mentioned it to him, maybe he's not realizing how it's effecting you. Would it be weird for you two to start showering together? It could be an intimate experience, you both get clean, and it wouldn't be a fight. Give it a try! It's worked for me before in some situations too.

It's always a struggle when you consider the fact that he's a grown man, but even adults need some direction when things get out of hand. If the Xbox is becoming the issue, it needs to be changed.
04/06/2013
Contributor: ShadowedSeductress ShadowedSeductress
Quote:
Originally posted by PropertyOfPotter
You need to get him to realize how it's effecting you, your attraction to him, and your feelings toward your sex life/relationship. Are you still being intimate with him even when he hasn't showered? Even though you mentioned it to him, ... more
We aren't as intimate as we used to be, but that from his video games and me not wanting to be as intimate because I'm a little grossed out. We used to shower together all the time, but honestly it's a little frustrating because we're both water hogs And also being intimate in the shower is hard since I'm plus size and quite insecure under that florescent lighting.

He did say it was HIS problem, meaning I think he only feels it affects him. I tried to explain that it affects me too, since I sleep with him, kiss him, etc. I just don't get it. I mean a week without a shower??? It blows my mind. Now, oddly enough he has always been that guy who never had morning breath (happens a little more since he smokes) and while it has been a week I'm sitting 3 feet from him and he doesn't smell. It takes a couple days for him to even build a slight odor, which I just think he's lucky about. His private areas though are a different story. Like I said, he's uncircumcised.

Our diet has been terrible. We eat junk food just about daily and it really affects our moods, our energy, and I'm wondering if it has also contributed to our sex life dwindling. I personally feel its so hard to be intimate because it's so much work, and I'm so tired, and I think he feels similar. Our diets weren't this bad until I started working full time because I cooked tons when I stayed home, and we also managed to be a little active too. Then, both of our sex drives were up. He has also gained about 20 lbs. It doesn't bother me, and I like him with a little meat. He was extremely skinny before so now he looks normal to me. I suppose he could be a little self conscious.

That makes me wonder if him not showering is part of this whole scenario. Our diet is at an all time low and we both hate it. The whole situation is just terrible. I'm not sure how to handle things.
04/06/2013
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
Sounds like the gaming needs a break and some things need to change.

Is he depressed about anything? From the sounds of it, he's kind of letting himself go. Are things going well for him in general, or not?

I know how it feels to be self conscious and not want him to see your body, but maybe you need to try to let go of that a little bit and just see how it goes.

You two need to take time for each other. Go back to things that used to mean so much. Turn off the game system, turn off the TV, turn off the cell phones, lock the door, and take some time for each other. Sit down with him, facing each other, and tell him how you feel. You miss him, right? Your upset that things have changed, right? Tell him those things. It seems like you two are at the point where you're at that comfortable spot that means you don't have to try for each other any longer. But hitting that wall doesn't make anything better.

Do your best to reconnect with him, you two need to make time for YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Forget about all the electronics, forget about how tired you are, and remind each other of why you're together.

Is there any way you could just turn off the TV, grab his hand, lead him to the bathroom and tell him you want each other to take some time together, starting with washing each other in the shower? It could be very erotic and help remind him of how much he enjoys you and might open him to the idea of things being a little different.
04/06/2013
Contributor: married with children married with children
just be honest with him. Tell him he stinks and you cant sleep with him until he starts taking care of himself better. Do you have another room in your home? Make him sleep in his own bed if he cant get his act together.
04/06/2013
Contributor: spiced spiced
I suggest a playful — but firm — approach.

Next time he wants to get romantic, stop him (assuming he's dirty), smile (very important), point him in the direction of the shower and tell him something like, "Go get cleaned up and then we'll talk — and brush you teeth while you're at it!" Make a playful "disgusted" face. Hold your nose, and/or do that "waving away a bad smell" thing.

If he resists, tell him you love him, and want him, but you don't enjoy getting next to him when he's so dirty. Tell him you LOVE being next to him when he's nice and clean. Be sure to include his penis in the convo!

When I first started working from home, I started slacking off on showers and I was a little annoyed when my wife called me on it (she took the approach I suggested above). But I got with the program and I hope your boyfriend will, too.

I can vouch for the fact that being physically active also makes a BIG difference, not just in the bedroom, but in A LOT of things. I know it's not easy, but I hope you can get back to taking walks, or whatever physical activities you enjoy. Good luck and remember to keep it playful!
04/06/2013
Contributor: never shy never shy
Grab a waterproof toy and tell him to join you in the shower start by soaping each other down
04/06/2013
Contributor: bog bog
Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowedSeductress
My partner and I have been together for 3.5 years. We're both 20 (well, I will be this month) and I'm having trouble getting him to shower.

He grew up in a normal home that taught him about hygiene. Ever since he got an xbox Christmas ... more
The next time he showers, bum-rush him and start touching him. Say how much it turns you on when he's all clean, and how you want to make him dirty. Make sure you mention that you love the way he smells when he's clean! If he asks what the deal is, be honest!

Positive reinforcement, not negative!
04/06/2013
Contributor: ShadowedSeductress ShadowedSeductress
Thank you everyone!

After thinking about it some more and trying to decide what to do I decided to bring it up again. I was in the kitchen making dinner and suggested he shower while I cook. I told him how sexy it is when he's freshly showered, and how great he smells.

I tried to make it as sweet as possible. I asked him why he didn't want to, and asked if it had anything to do with the weight he put on. He seemed embarrassed and admitted that he didn't feel attractive anymore. I assured him I found him as sexy as ever. He went and showered, and even shaved up for me.
04/06/2013
Contributor: Fluke Fluke
Weird, a nice hot shower is one of the fun parts of my day.

He's young so being a slob when you are first on your own is normal and he'll eventually get his act together but he most certainly will not change if you let him get away with continuing to be a slob.
04/07/2013
Contributor: eri86 eri86
I'm grossed out now.

Have you told him it bothers you and is a turn off when he's smelly and tastes bad?
04/07/2013
Contributor: spiced spiced
Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowedSeductress
Thank you everyone!

After thinking about it some more and trying to decide what to do I decided to bring it up again. I was in the kitchen making dinner and suggested he shower while I cook. I told him how sexy it is when he's freshly ... more
Yay! I LOVE a happy ending.
04/07/2013
Contributor: *Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
I had an ex who didn't like to shower all the time and we would get into fights over it. Simply sex stopped and so did sleeping cuddled up next to each other. I understand if you have been sitting at home and have done nothing to need a shower but if he is working and sweating a shower is a must. I have to get a shower once if not twice a day. My ex didn't see that he needed to shower all the time cause most of the time when he was working the most he did was hop out of the truck unhook the trailer and connect to another. So he wasn't sweating but even then he needed to shower at least every other day. I don't know if I was in the situation you described I think I would be sleeping on the couch and he wouldn't be touching me. I am glad to hear that things have looked up and I hope that he continues on the showering daily and making himself presentable for you
04/07/2013
Contributor: Bubba29 Bubba29
he's a loser...drop him. just bein' honest.
04/07/2013
Contributor: jr2012 jr2012
Give him tons and tons of positive reinforcement after he does shower (think blowjobs after ripping off his towel). Say he smells great and tastes so good, and looks so sexy with clean and styled hair. And don't give him lots of physical attention when he's stinky. Hopefully he gets the hint!
04/07/2013
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowedSeductress
Thank you everyone!

After thinking about it some more and trying to decide what to do I decided to bring it up again. I was in the kitchen making dinner and suggested he shower while I cook. I told him how sexy it is when he's freshly ... more
This is FANTASTIC!!!

I'm so glad to hear that you were able to get through to him! Keep it up!!
04/07/2013
Contributor: Chastity Darling Chastity Darling
I hope that the showering continues for your sake. Personally I couldn't be with a man that smelled horrible.
04/10/2013
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
Quote:
Originally posted by Chastity Darling
I hope that the showering continues for your sake. Personally I couldn't be with a man that smelled horrible.
Same here lol. My dad is one of those people who doesn't want to shower regularly, and my mom and I have joked for years about it..but honestly it's very embarrassing to have a dad who smells bad and doesn't shave. I would NEVER put up with that from my own man. My hubby showers twice a day, as do I most days.
04/11/2013