There is nothing wrong with either of you, but an honest discussion would help I think. People come in many shapes/sizes/types, as you suggest, and as such thinking along the lines of "how can we go about this in a way that works best for both our levels of sexual desire" might help. First, she could masturbate before hand to lower her energy buildup so that by the time you both are ready to rock she is a bit depleted. Secondly, one of the fun things about sex is that we can still please our partners without having to receive any sexual stimulation ourselves. "I don't have the energy left for another erection because you worked me so well but I'd love to eat you out again baby"...One can please without having to receive. Lastly, a lot of sex is in the buildup and not penis-in-vagina.

If you worry about her not feeling okay about herself, find different ways to express your sexuality that she responds too to lessen the focus on just sexual intercourse. How do you use your eyes, how do you touch her when you're fully clothed, how do you talk to her throughout the day to let her know how desirable you find her to be... Desire is a state of mind as much as it is in physical experience for both the sender and the receiver of those messages. Again, many conversations would help over time around this, in my opinion, because if she really does take this to heart easily, and you are doing your best to be sensitive but honest, it's more up to her to work through that self-conscious area of her identity. YOu can help be a guide by asking questions about what messages she has received over her life that have shaped her sexual identity, and hopefully that would help her feel more vulnerable and supported in loosening her need to be vigilant. less