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double standard or not?

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Contributor: earthpig earthpig
My gf says it's ok for her to have toys because for a girl, it doesn't replace sex. In other words, when we use toys, it just makes her want me more...this is very true, I can attest to that. I enjoy using toys with her during sex, then we usually move on to intercourse. I love how good it makes her feel. I had the jealousy of the toy factor for a while, but now that I know it augments our sex life, I really have begun to enjoy using them with her!

When I say I would like a toy, she says it would affect our sex life since if we used a fleshlight, etc during sex, I would be done and not be able to have intercourse. And the same with a prostate toy, I could only use that alone for the most part, and that would use me up for the day! I think she has the feeling I would start liking the toys too much

I see her point on one hand, but am jealous on the other. What do you ladies think? I do not masturbate at all now because I get to have sex pretty much anytime I want it, which is all the time!
01/27/2011
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Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
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01/27/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
My personal feeling is that toys are ok for both members of the relationship. They can be used in a healthy way that augments your intimacy as you mentioned. I think that can be just as true for a man as it is for a woman. I'm all for it, if the guy is interested in using toys, that is.
01/27/2011
Contributor: Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
My personal feeling is that toys are ok for both members of the relationship. They can be used in a healthy way that augments your intimacy as you mentioned. I think that can be just as true for a man as it is for a woman. I'm all for it, if ... more
I agree. I see your girlfriend's side, in that if you get off using a Fleshlight while you're making out or something then it *could* replace sex from her point of view (after all, you'd be out of commission for awhile) but I don't think she's thinking of all the possibilities. A man can use toys to add excitement and new feelings without getting off, and it can make foreplay much more exciting.

Butt plugs and such can be used during sex to enhance your pleasure, or she could use prostate toys to drive you wild before sex. She could also use her vibrators to tease your nipples, thighs, shaft, and perineum during foreplay. If she did those things before you started toying with her, it would give you a chance to calm down a little so you wouldn't shoot the minute the action started if you know what I mean. You could also explore vibrating cock rings since a good one will give you both extra pleasure at the same time.

There so many ways that couples can use toys on each other that I'm not even going to attempt to mention them all here, but that gives you an idea of what I'm talking about.

As for solo masturbation, that's a touchy subject for some couples and something that you'd have to work out with her. Personally I think it's healthy for couples to sometimes do their own thing so to say, but that's just me.
01/28/2011
Contributor: Fiendress Fiendress
Quote:
Originally posted by earthpig
My gf says it's ok for her to have toys because for a girl, it doesn't replace sex. In other words, when we use toys, it just makes her want me more...this is very true, I can attest to that. I enjoy using toys with her during sex, then we ... more
Sex toys are for both of you! Have fun with them and use them together. A Fleshlight isn't the only toy for guys either. Play with Cock Rings, Anal Toys, and Strokers.
As to the masturbating, even with regular sex, you should still masturbate. It gives you a chance to learn more of your body and will help you in your sex life as well. Consider it "sexercise"
01/28/2011
Contributor: PussyGalore PussyGalore
Hmmm, interesting. Are you known for having only one orgasm a day? If so, I could see her concern. And there is also the aspect of delayed orgasm, where you play until you get close and then you stop and do something for her.

I wish there was a better selection of toys that my husband could use because I hear his jealousy but I think the lack of selection is because men need friction to get off and manufacturers haven't stumbled upon the idea that men might like to be teased too. Say something along the lines of a stroker that has a slight sucking sensation that can be used on the penis hands-free.

I do think it's a double standard and I wonder if she thinks that your enjoyment will lead to you wanting to be with a guy. It's not too far of a stretch, I've met a lot of women who feel that way and I initially had those questions when my husband and I started role playing and using toys.

If it's something you want, then pick your battle and go for it. It's not like she wouldn't be able to participate and it will just bring you closer when the myths start dropping away.
01/28/2011