Hello everyone,

The staff here is sad to see such a productive post go so awry, myself included – I was hoping to read even more about what people find offensive and learn about the perception of others. Maybe we can continue that?

Ok – so onto addressing the drama in this thread:

I can see how some feathers were ruffled, but I think some things could’ve been discussed in private messages – and some things that are not related to this thread could have been not mentioned at all.

We are considering a two week account suspension for Lauren. With all of the private emails / messages we get, as well as what we see on the site, and good threads like these being derailed – we just think it’s time to cool off and take a break. I am emailing Lauren privately and allowing for her rebuttal, but in the interest of full disclosure to everyone who has seen this recent flare up, I thought you should know.

We have the community in mind here – we are listening to the concerns, even on a Sunday. less

I don't understand how I again am the the one to blame. I wish I was not so far out of the loop because I do not understand how my message got taken so differently than it was meant. I thought I was writing just like everyone else respectfully and was shocked that it got a negative response at all.

I guess I'll just wait for your email. less

Something I just thought of...I have seen more and more reviews suggesting unsafe practices (i.e. using a non flared toy for anal). If the reviewer wants to do it, fine, but I do believe people read our reviews and not all of them know what is safe and not safe. It is irresponsible of the advanced reviewers to suggest things that are known to be unsafe. less

Something I just thought of...I have seen more and more reviews suggesting unsafe practices (i.e. using a non flared toy for anal). If the reviewer wants to do it, fine, but I do believe people read our reviews and not all of them know what is safe and not safe. It is irresponsible of the advanced reviewers to suggest things that are known to be unsafe. less

Well, jelly toys are fine, they just should not be shared if the person is going to use them anal to vaginal or with partners where they do not know whether or not they have STDs since they cannot be sanitized. It's just healthier, that's all. Jelly toys, in and of themselves, are fine - hey, they're cheaper too.

I agree with you though, Carrie Ann. I understand what you mean completely. less

Yea that's what I was saying. They are not the safest, but are fine if you are smart about it. Like being smart and doing the things you suggested.

I think some people take offense when told that there are safer ways. I know I did in the very beginning, which was silly. But...I didn't know any better with ym first toy and now I do! less

One of the most offensive things I've seen in this community is something that I know I was once guilty of. It's the way people sometimes turn transpeople into sex objects. I never really fetishized transpeople, but I did say in a thread about changing sex for a day that I'd prefer to be a hermaphrodite for a day. Within days of posting it, I was ashamed of being so callus, and wished I could take it down. Calling trans- of any variety the "best of both worlds" and going on about how you'd love to have sex with one is offensive. They're people, too, with families and parents and children.

Thank goodness, I've never seen a regular of this community say such a thing. It's only the people who pop in for a thread or two then disappear who slaver over how they would worship a transgendered lover simply for being transgendered, and how amazing and sexy it would be to get laid by someone with differing presentation and genitalia. It's made me feel very comfortable in this community to never have to worry about someone thinking of my dad as a sex object, existing only as something to satisfy their lust and curiosity. less

While I get what you're saying about fetishizing it, I don't think your comment (or how you summed it up) is nearly as callus as you think it was. After all, it would be interesting to be trans for a day. Or, for me, a man. Or tall. Or more physically sensitive and not because it's the "best of both worlds" but just because it's different and different piques our curiosities. Unless you specifically meant because it would be the best of both worlds, in which case, rest assured that some folks read that a lot more innocently than you intended. less

First and foremost, I find the idea that some people are never offensive offensive. EVERYBODY is offensive from time to time, even if they don't mean to be, because there are so many things that people are sensitive about, especially with regards to sexuality. I know for a fact that a comment I use from time to time, "buy I'm a very tiny woman" (usually meant to refer to my actual vagina, but it's easy to misinterpret) has offended people from time to time, and I try to explain myself without acting haughty. Nobody is 100% PC, so be willing to listen to others when they say you've offended them; by the same token, don't automatically flip shit if somebody inadvertently offended you. Talking, not yelling, folks.

I also agree with the "made in China" thing. This is something I've had to remind people about many times, mostly with regards to makeup: China is huge and is the manufacturing capital of the world. A sizeable chunk of what you own was probably made in China. Chinese people aren't biologically designed to create crappy equipment; if a company provides the Chinese manufacturer with cheap-o "ingredients," methods, etc., it's the company's fault, not China's. PS: I never hear anybody complaining about stuff when it's made in Canada, Taiwan, Thailand, or the UK. Just a thought.

Also, I just did a review and noticed the tags, and they really boggle my mind. It kind of bothered me having to tag my review, since I feel like I'm trying to "peg" peoples's preferences.

I dislike the term "tranny," but only because I've never seen it used in a positive way. (As compared to "queer," "dyke" and "fag," which I've heard used by members of the LGBTQ community in a positive/humorous way.) Usually, I hear the word "tranny" when people are trying to insinuate a woman is "ugly" or "masculine," and that just rubs me the wrong way.

99.9% of the time, "transgender," "transsexual," and "transvestite" refer to three different things. "Transgender" is often used as a blanket term, but it can also refer specifically to an internal gender feeling; "transsexual" usually refers to someone who is physically trans, and "transvestite" usually refers to those who wear clothing of the opposite gender, but do not alter their physical bodies and may still identify as their "birth sex" (for lack of a better word).

Also, remember that essentialism is out: women do not automatically love clitoral stimulation, men are not the only people who are pricks, not all male dancers are gay men, not all female motorcyclists are lesbians, and trans people are people, too. So on and so on. less

First and foremost, I find the idea that some people are never offensive offensive. EVERYBODY is offensive from time to time, even if they don't mean to be, because there are so many things that people are sensitive about, especially with regards to sexuality. I know for a fact that a comment I use from time to time, "buy I'm a very tiny woman" (usually meant to refer to my actual vagina, but it's easy to misinterpret) has offended people from time to time, and I try to explain myself without acting haughty. Nobody is 100% PC, so be willing to listen to others when they say you've offended them; by the same token, don't automatically flip shit if somebody inadvertently offended you. Talking, not yelling, folks.

I also agree with the "made in China" thing. This is something I've had to remind people about many times, mostly with regards to makeup: China is huge and is the manufacturing capital of the world. A sizeable chunk of what you own was probably made in China. Chinese people aren't biologically designed to create crappy equipment; if a company provides the Chinese manufacturer with cheap-o "ingredients," methods, etc., it's the company's fault, not China's. PS: I never hear anybody complaining about stuff when it's made in Canada, Taiwan, Thailand, or the UK. Just a thought.

Also, I just did a review and noticed the tags, and they really boggle my mind. It kind of bothered me having to tag my review, since I feel like I'm trying to "peg" peoples's preferences.

I dislike the term "tranny," but only because I've never seen it used in a positive way. (As compared to "queer," "dyke" and "fag," which I've heard used by members of the LGBTQ community in a positive/humorous way.) Usually, I hear the word "tranny" when people are trying to insinuate a woman is "ugly" or "masculine," and that just rubs me the wrong way.

99.9% of the time, "transgender," "transsexual," and "transvestite" refer to three different things. "Transgender" is often used as a blanket term, but it can also refer specifically to an internal gender feeling; "transsexual" usually refers to someone who is physically trans, and "transvestite" usually refers to those who wear clothing of the opposite gender, but do not alter their physical bodies and may still identify as their "birth sex" (for lack of a better word).

Also, remember that essentialism is out: women do not automatically love clitoral stimulation, men are not the only people who are pricks, not all male dancers are gay men, not all female motorcyclists are lesbians, and trans people are people, too. So on and so on. less

First and foremost, I find the idea that some people are never offensive offensive. EVERYBODY is offensive from time to time, even if they don't mean to be, because there are so many things that people are sensitive about, especially with regards to sexuality. I know for a fact that a comment I use from time to time, "buy I'm a very tiny woman" (usually meant to refer to my actual vagina, but it's easy to misinterpret) has offended people from time to time, and I try to explain myself without acting haughty. Nobody is 100% PC, so be willing to listen to others when they say you've offended them; by the same token, don't automatically flip shit if somebody inadvertently offended you. Talking, not yelling, folks.

I also agree with the "made in China" thing. This is something I've had to remind people about many times, mostly with regards to makeup: China is huge and is the manufacturing capital of the world. A sizeable chunk of what you own was probably made in China. Chinese people aren't biologically designed to create crappy equipment; if a company provides the Chinese manufacturer with cheap-o "ingredients," methods, etc., it's the company's fault, not China's. PS: I never hear anybody complaining about stuff when it's made in Canada, Taiwan, Thailand, or the UK. Just a thought.

Also, I just did a review and noticed the tags, and they really boggle my mind. It kind of bothered me having to tag my review, since I feel like I'm trying to "peg" peoples's preferences.

I dislike the term "tranny," but only because I've never seen it used in a positive way. (As compared to "queer," "dyke" and "fag," which I've heard used by members of the LGBTQ community in a positive/humorous way.) Usually, I hear the word "tranny" when people are trying to insinuate a woman is "ugly" or "masculine," and that just rubs me the wrong way.

99.9% of the time, "transgender," "transsexual," and "transvestite" refer to three different things. "Transgender" is often used as a blanket term, but it can also refer specifically to an internal gender feeling; "transsexual" usually refers to someone who is physically trans, and "transvestite" usually refers to those who wear clothing of the opposite gender, but do not alter their physical bodies and may still identify as their "birth sex" (for lack of a better word).

Also, remember that essentialism is out: women do not automatically love clitoral stimulation, men are not the only people who are pricks, not all male dancers are gay men, not all female motorcyclists are lesbians, and trans people are people, too. So on and so on. less

I'm with Miss Cinnamon, my boyfriend's getting jealous.

Very well articulated, and a good reminder that none of us are perfect. We need to post chunks of this (especially that first paragraph of yours) somewhere prominent, to help keep us all from putting our feet in our mouths quite so often, hahah. less

Ditto this! And while we're on the subject of offensive things, there are a couple of people (no names) who seem to think it is their personal job to be as rude and cutting as possible on the new reviewers, and it irks me to no end. I find it offensive because they often come across like their opinions are law and they have some special place in EF that makes them superior so they can speak for all of us. Since the comments that they're leaving are visible with the review, I think it's relevant here.

Funny thing is, these same people will leave polite criticism or even positive comments for people whom they know or like, but can't manage to give the same courtesy to new reviewers.

The bad part is, I personally know 2 very promising newbies who left EF because of it.

Even if it's the worst review you've ever read, if you have something negative to say, you should think first and employ a little tact. Maybe it would help to re-read what you've written (before you post it) and think about how it would make you feel to get a comment like that. less