The New Intimacy

Should I get my EX Boyfriend a Birthday Present?

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Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
A week or so before breaking up he got me my birthday present early..He spent about $500 one me!! Holy Sh*T

Anyway his birthday is already over I was thinking just put a bag of things in his car,he leaves it unlocked and put a note that says "Thanks for the Birthday gifts"
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
yes
Elaira
1
no
Coralbell , mandiegk , 0 , GravyCakes , Kkay , darthkitt3n , Breas , KrazyKandy , JessCee , DeliciousSurprise , indiglo , ~LaUr3n~ , ily , Redboxbaby , unfulfilled , Taylor , Adriana Ravenlust , Tori Rebel , P'Gell , sausagelover , Sohotdinosaur , Jul!a , beachluv51800 , A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople) , Illumin8 , Starkiller87 , MissK680 , Alyxx , Sex'и'Violence , wetone123 , Airen Wolf , stlouisxxx , Bignuf , Vanille , Katastophy , Mr. E , BBW Talks Toys , Diabolical Kitty , Lucky21 , null , Selective Sensualist , Cream in the Cupcake , K101 , TameTemptress , Jon S , Midway through , arewehavingfun? , Stagger13 , Lummox , aliceinthehole , MustangMan , icyqueen , CaseyDeuce , potstickers , Crystal CrazyBiatch Sheffer , Kat and Aaron(aaron) , mpfm , malantha , deltalima , toxie m , SilverNarnia , bayosgirl , Kirill1171
63
I can't decide
Trysexual
1
it won't matter either way
Sir
1
Other (explain)
Peggi , Shellz31 , Ms. Spice , -BillD , married with children , Dusk , l'amour
7
Total votes: 73 (73 voters)
Poll is closed
09/24/2011
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Contributor: Coralbell Coralbell
Personally, I wouldn't. I think it's better to just move on. And leaving something in his car might come off as kind of creepy/stalkerish.
09/24/2011
Contributor: mandiegk mandiegk
It is probably a bad idea if you aren't even comfortable giving it to him in person. It would be okay if you were still on good terms, but you are going out of your way to avoid him by creepily leaving it in his unlocked car.

Also, that is illegal so you could face charges for trespassing. It's probably not the best idea to leave evidence of a crime.
09/24/2011
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
It really depends on if you two are still good friends or not. If you aren't on good terms, no way!
09/24/2011
Contributor: Peggi Peggi
I agree you probably shouldn't do it unless you are still friends. Don't feel obligated to buy him something just because he spent that much on you. He could've just done it because you were dating, and in reverse roles might not do the same for you if you'd spent that much on him right before breaking up.

If you're still friends, that makes it different, I mean I still buy my ex's that I'm friends with gifts for birthdays and Christmas but they do the same for me, too.

I also agree, don't leave it in his car (unless you're friends) because that might seem creepy that you're just going in his car. But, if you're still friends it might not be.
09/24/2011
Contributor: GravyCakes GravyCakes
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
Personally, I wouldn't. I think it's better to just move on. And leaving something in his car might come off as kind of creepy/stalkerish.
i agree, leaving something in his car would be weird.
09/24/2011
Contributor: Kkay Kkay
It depends on the circumstances between the two of you, but I would be very uncomfortable with an ex leaving something in my car.
09/24/2011
Contributor: Breas Breas
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
Personally, I wouldn't. I think it's better to just move on. And leaving something in his car might come off as kind of creepy/stalkerish.
I agree, it's a tad bit creepy.

If you two are still friends and you really want to give him a gift, maybe just knock on his door and hand him the gift yourself?
09/25/2011
Contributor: KrazyKandy KrazyKandy
Do not do it! If he feels violated for you being in his car then he might call the cops on you.
09/25/2011
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
If the break up was pleasant and you're still friends then I don't see a problem if you'd like to do something nice by giving a birthday gift.
And if you are still friends I'd give it to him in person. Kinda seems weird putting it in his car for him to find.
09/25/2011
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
You're not obligated to do anything. I wouldn't ever put it in his car no questions asked. If you were friends and wanted to do a little something then go see him and give it to him, otherwise don't worry about it. He's an ex and doesn't expect that from you.
09/25/2011
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
Putting it in his car seems like a really weird and stalker like thing to do. If you are still friends, then I don't see why not, but if not, you shouldn't feel obligated to give him anything. The point of being an ex is that everything is over and you don't have to do anything for him anymore
09/25/2011
Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
Personally, I wouldn't. I think it's better to just move on. And leaving something in his car might come off as kind of creepy/stalkerish.
yea we talked yesterday.. I mentioned I would get him a birthday present. I dont think we should date though. He wants me to change...but what about him? Even though Im working on changes..what about him? Ok so I change but I want him to change as a person and I dont see it happening.
09/25/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Giving someone a present isn't about "keeping up" or "being even" with them or what they got for you.

The relationship is over. Clean breaks are best. Every time you make an other contact, old wounds are opened and the pain starts again. Nobody really changes for others. They only change for themselves and it usually takes a long time. DO NOT say you will "change" to hang on to a guy who wants to manipulate you.

You have no obligation to get him a present (especially if you plan to put it in his car and not even be present for his opening it) and IMO it would be best to simply move on.

I've told my own daughters the same thing, when they wanted to hang on to relationships which were over. I never went out of my way to recontact an old flame, and I think I had less pain and suffering doing it this way.

It's time to move on. He'll be just fine without a present from you. What he bought you has nothing to do with the situation.

You're better off getting on with your life and healing without going back again.
09/26/2011
Contributor: Elaira Elaira
If you two are still on good terms or still friends, there's really no harm in it. It shows you have no hard feelings, you know? And, I mean, everyone appreciates a sweet gesture. Just because you two aren't together anymore doesn't mean that you can't still do something nice for him.
09/26/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Unless you're still good friends I wouldn't unless maybe you had already purchased it and wouldn't have a use for it on your own. I did that with an ex. We were trying to stay friends (ended up failing) but I had already bought him something before we broke up, and I had no need for a beard trimmer so I still gave it to him, but I asked when he wanted to meet to get it. I did vote no because to me at this point, a break up should just end all ties until you can both heal enough to have a healthy friendship (if that's where it leads). I do agree with everybody who says not to leave it in his car. A note on his car is one thing, but going into his car and leaving stuff he could very well take to be a violation of his personal space, even if he didn't bother to lock the door.
09/26/2011
Contributor: Illumin8 Illumin8
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
Personally, I wouldn't. I think it's better to just move on. And leaving something in his car might come off as kind of creepy/stalkerish.
My thoughts exactly.
09/26/2011
Contributor: Starkiller87 Starkiller87
No, from all your posts about this you seem really really hung up on him. I know break ups are hard but I think youre just making it worse for yourself emotionally. You should just try and move on, and do something fun for yourself.
09/26/2011
Contributor: Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
Definitely not.
10/07/2011
Contributor: wetone123 wetone123
Quote:
Originally posted by Starkiller87
No, from all your posts about this you seem really really hung up on him. I know break ups are hard but I think youre just making it worse for yourself emotionally. You should just try and move on, and do something fun for yourself.
This! Sorry, I'm such a jerk sometimes hun, I just want the best for you and there really is a wonderful man out there with your name on him. You are sweet and considerate and deserve the same in return.
10/07/2011
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
A week or so before breaking up he got me my birthday present early..He spent about $500 one me!! Holy Sh*T

Anyway his birthday is already over I was thinking just put a bag of things in his car,he leaves it unlocked and put a note that says ... more
Sounds like stalking. IF you can, you should return that $500 of stuff and give him back his money. THAT would be the right thing to do.
10/23/2011
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Starkiller87
No, from all your posts about this you seem really really hung up on him. I know break ups are hard but I think youre just making it worse for yourself emotionally. You should just try and move on, and do something fun for yourself.
Well said.
10/23/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Sounds like stalking. IF you can, you should return that $500 of stuff and give him back his money. THAT would be the right thing to do.
I have to strongly disagree with this idea.

A "Gift" is something freely given, with no strings attached. The only "gifts" which require return are engagement rings (actual engagement rings, not other jewelry) and wedding or shower presents, if the wedding was canceled for any reason.

If her BF gave her a $500.00 gift of his own free will she has no legal or moral obligation to give him anything in return for it! He gave the gift willingly, and now it's over and she owe him nothing.... except peace.

That being said, I think expensive gifts are ridiculous, especially from young couples who can not afford it. My Man and I are full adults and have been together for over 20 years, and we don't give each other such expensive gifts. A tentative teen or recent-post-teen relationship should never entail gifts that cost hundreds of dollars.

MOVE ON! I mean that kindly. You owe him NOTHING. DO NOT give him a gift, certainly do NOT give him any freakin' money. There is simply NO precedent for doing that, and would have a serious impact on "kinky girlfriend's" already tenuous financial situation. (She can't afford to see a doctor, she certainly doesn't have $500.00 lying around. She owes him NOTHING.)

Simply move on, kg. It's all you are required to do.
10/23/2011
Contributor: Vanille Vanille
No. An Ex is an Ex for a reason.
10/23/2011
Contributor: Diabolical Kitty Diabolical Kitty
Ex's are Ex's for a reason. The only way my ex gets a gift is if it's from my kids to him for a holiday.
10/23/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Well it kinda depends on why yall broke up, but I would NEVER give an ex a gift for several reasons. I also wouldn't feel obligated to only because he got me something when we WERE TOGETHER. Now, yall ain't together so you shouldn't feel obligated to.

I wouldn't leave a gift at all and certainly not in his car. It might seem a tad bit... desperate or like you're stalking him and honestly, he'd probably get the impression you're trying to get him back. Sorry, it just seems that may be how it would come off. If it were me, I'd feel that way.
10/28/2011
Contributor: l'amour l'amour
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
I agree you probably shouldn't do it unless you are still friends. Don't feel obligated to buy him something just because he spent that much on you. He could've just done it because you were dating, and in reverse roles might not do the ... more
This!
10/30/2011
Contributor: arewehavingfun? arewehavingfun?
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Well said.
Ditto. The fact that you are thinking so much about this man and his birthday says that you are still into him and are hoping that this gift will hook you back up--you give the gift, he calls to thank you, you are in bed again.

OR

You give the gift, he doesn't call because he has moved on, you get depressed. Cut the cord and move on.
11/05/2011
Contributor: arewehavingfun? arewehavingfun?
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I have to strongly disagree with this idea.

A "Gift" is something freely given, with no strings attached. The only "gifts" which require return are engagement rings (actual engagement rings, not other jewelry) and wedding ... more
Listen to P'Gell, KG. No contact--no returns--no gifts--no $$--no relationship.
11/05/2011
Contributor: Kat and Aaron(aaron) Kat and Aaron(aaron)
Under no obligation to.
10/26/2012