The New Intimacy

Love-Shy?

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Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Love-shyness, to put it simply, is difficulty initiating or continuing relationships due to social anxiety. I could be that a person worries too much about saying or doing the wrong thing, or it could fear of rejection, or simply the idea of a relationship in and of itself causes stress (even if a person truly wants a relationship).

Does anyone here suffer love-shyness? If not now, have you ever? Does/did it cause you any degree of stress?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I am currently love-shy.
58  (42%)
I'm not love-shy now, but I was.
35  (25%)
I've never been love-shy.
28  (20%)
Other (feel free to explain).
17  (12%)
Total votes: 138
Poll is closed
06/26/2011
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Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
I'm curious mainly because I am very love-shy. I have trouble gaining the courage to ask someone out, and the few times I've dated I ended it simply because I could not become comfortable, through no fault of the other person. It's rather troublesome at times, especially since I also feel lonely fairly often.

I've become more talkative as I've grown up, but for whatever reason this area of my life never got anywhere.
06/26/2011
Contributor: LittleBird LittleBird
I used to have severe "love-shyness." I would often push for relationship status: boyfriend, girlfriend, Dominant, play partner just because I wanted to know what we "were" so I wouldn't be rejected. Get over that socially awkward gray area as soon as possible. I believe that has changed for me. I take my time with new relationships, and deeply contemplate how I wish to continue with a relationship, or new person in my life.

Now I like to wait it out. I enjoy what I have with the people in my life, whether that is pre-relationship, or status relationships.
06/26/2011
Contributor: MaryExy MaryExy
I'm shy about asking people out, but it's better once a relationship gets rolling. It's a bit stressful, but stress usually comes when I realize someone I like is interested in someone else (had a big problem with guys looking at my sis instead until recently).
06/26/2011
Contributor: zeebot zeebot
I have a lot of these problems but they're not entirely social anxiety related. I have a real fear of rejection and a lot of trouble opening conversations.
06/26/2011
Contributor: GravyCakes GravyCakes
i was always the exact opposite of love shy, which is probably why i could never get anyone to want to date me for the longest time. i kept scaring guys off.
06/26/2011
Contributor: Sir Sir
I'm do not have anxiety when I start getting close to someone. I tend to consume and put my everything into that person, however, when I get close. It's more of the opposite, instead of pulling away, I get closer (too close). I do get scared and freaked out very easily and will close in on myself and shut down if the person breaks my trust, which is very easy to do since I have extreme problems with trusting other people.
06/26/2011
Contributor: Sinfully Sinfully
I used to be really love-shy. Now I'm not too bad.
06/26/2011
Contributor: ToyBoy ToyBoy
I hate asking people out so much! I have never been really good at it. It isn't that I think I will get turned down, it just creates an awkward moment in my mind and I get really self-conscious. It is kinda unavoidable, so I just suck it up and get over it.
06/26/2011
Contributor: SexyLilPixi SexyLilPixi
I haven't myself. I'm more "love-weary", but I have seen crippling shyness in others that can be so painful to witness.
06/27/2011
Contributor: CarmenGore262 CarmenGore262
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Love-shyness, to put it simply, is difficulty initiating or continuing relationships due to social anxiety. I could be that a person worries too much about saying or doing the wrong thing, or it could fear of rejection, or simply the idea of a ... more
LOl Im suffering from it right now.
07/04/2011
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
Yes, I am and I hate being so.
07/04/2011
Contributor: froggiemoma froggiemoma
i have always been
07/04/2011
Contributor: Maeby Maeby
I chose "other" because I've been with my husband so long I can't remember!

I have often said that I'm so glad we found each other young (and in college), because I would have no idea how to go about dating in the real world. I bet I would be love-shy, though. I'm pretty reserved in general, and I'd probably be afraid of rejection.
07/04/2011
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
I'm never been love-shy, but I've been DATING-shy.

Currently, I'm relationship-shy - after my divorce and subsequent dating experiences (guys who ran off when I got too emotionally involved), I'm now scared to death of chasing Master away. Instead he assures me that he wants me to be emotionally open and close. I think he's waiting for me, because he's quite sure of where we're going. I'm just terrified of making mistakes.
07/24/2011
Contributor: thebest thebest
not now, but i was
07/25/2011
Contributor: The Curious Couple The Curious Couple
I was love-shy, but I'm not anymore now that I've found it.
07/25/2011
Contributor: Kkay Kkay
I'm love-shy but don't act it, generally. I'm an introvert often mistaken as a extrovert.
07/26/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
I used to be very shy when it came to males and still am with most except my partner. I just couldn't ever get comfortable at all around men. I know some of it has to do with a lot of negative and a traumatic experience, but I had a severely hard time getting comfortable around my partner. I don't think I would call it love shy for me though. I'm not shy at all, I'm actually a major people person. I just love people and haven't ever had problems socializing or meeting new people, but I had such a hard time with males. I wasn't ever afraid to fall in love at all. I actually believe strongly in taking the chance of being heartbroken than shying away just because something bad could happen. It took me years and even with panic attacks and bad anxiety to get comfortable around my partner. We've been together for 5 years and even now there's times where I'm unsure and all, but I'm not shy of the actual relationship.

I say take the chances! Don't be free with your heart, but if it feels right or you really care for a person I don't think you should let shyness stop you from getting involved with someone slowly.
10/17/2011
Contributor: Menarae Menarae
I've never used the term love-shy before, but it certainly fits. I'm dealing with depression and anxiety on a daily basis, and it's not just related to dating. Once my boss told me "We need to talk...it's nothing bad, I promise, but come talk to me at your next shift." Yeah, all I could think about for three days was that she was going to fire me. Even though I knew a couple of the supervisors had recommended me for a raise, and that was likely what she was going to talk to me about (it was) but...I just couldn't think like that.

In terms of dating...I am very shy and awkward around men. When I was on dating sites, I'd take it personally when someone never responded to a message I'd sent. But when I have gotten past that first date with someone, it hasn't ended because I've pulled away. Once the guy seemed to pull away, as if he was love-shy too, and I realized that wasn't what I wanted or needed in a relationship, especially a long-distance one. And I was just a rebound thing to another guy *shrugs*
10/19/2011
Contributor: socceras socceras
I don't consider myself love-shy but I'm always scared of getting hurt.
10/20/2011
Contributor: LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Love-shyness, to put it simply, is difficulty initiating or continuing relationships due to social anxiety. I could be that a person worries too much about saying or doing the wrong thing, or it could fear of rejection, or simply the idea of a ... more
I was, now I am not.
10/23/2011
Contributor: Rhinobaby Rhinobaby
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Love-shyness, to put it simply, is difficulty initiating or continuing relationships due to social anxiety. I could be that a person worries too much about saying or doing the wrong thing, or it could fear of rejection, or simply the idea of a ... more
Nope. I love everyone. But I don't fall in love.
12/07/2011
Contributor: SweetieLuv SweetieLuv
if i love u u know it lol
12/15/2011
Contributor: SweetieLuv SweetieLuv
Quote:
Originally posted by socceras
I don't consider myself love-shy but I'm always scared of getting hurt.
agree
12/15/2011
Contributor: Virago Virago
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Love-shyness, to put it simply, is difficulty initiating or continuing relationships due to social anxiety. I could be that a person worries too much about saying or doing the wrong thing, or it could fear of rejection, or simply the idea of a ... more
I'm another one with depression/anxiety and a fear of getting hurt. I'm very introverted and mostly stay home (safe zone), so I don't have to confront it much. Yep, it's very unhealthy.

I think I just need to grow up a bit as I've lived a sheltered sort of life, spending most of my time around family and female friends. I think a general fear of failure is more stressful than my love-shyness because it holds me back more.
01/09/2012
Contributor: dks210 dks210
Just be upfront. If it works out, GREAT! If not, move on. People complicate things too much.
01/19/2012
Contributor: ksparkles16 ksparkles16
Ya, I'm love shy because I'm not outgoing. I'm more of an introvert and I don't really like to go out.
01/23/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Love-shyness, to put it simply, is difficulty initiating or continuing relationships due to social anxiety. I could be that a person worries too much about saying or doing the wrong thing, or it could fear of rejection, or simply the idea of a ... more
I have social anxiety but it seems to revolve around strangers.
02/12/2012
Contributor: LAndJ LAndJ
I used to be, but now, I think I am the more forward one.
02/12/2012