The New Intimacy

I MIGHT live in a city where I can't date, but I just signed a lease.

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Contributor: emiliaa emiliaa
Yeah, what the title says.
The reason I am not sure I can date is because,

1. I am female, feminine, and I'm attracted only to other feminine women. There is very little wiggle room here.
2. I'm mentally not so healthy, so it's another added challenge.
3. I live in Atlanta... And you may have heard it has a big gay scene, but it's VERY butch/femme oriented. VERY much so. Almost all the lesbians are butch.

However, I just signed a lease at a new apartment. I am very very lonely, I haven't been sleeping because I'm desperate for a woman's touch.

Any advice? :/ I'm getting very helpless.
10/09/2012
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Contributor: charletnarouh charletnarouh
It is hard to transcend the butch/femme dichotomy sometimes, but not impossible. Have faith. I'm sure you're not the only one. At least a large portion of Hotlanta is very gay friendly.
10/10/2012
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by emiliaa
Yeah, what the title says.
The reason I am not sure I can date is because,

1. I am female, feminine, and I'm attracted only to other feminine women. There is very little wiggle room here.
2. I'm mentally not so healthy, so ... more
Well besides the being mentall unhealthy, I'd not let that stop me. I mean surely not everyone where you live abides by this... rule? What is this a law or what? Never heard of that.

But if you're mentally unhealthy anyways, I'd probably focus on myself and getting my needs before worrying about dating.

Atlanta -- wait? You said you weren't allowed to date where you live but said there are lots of "butches" there? So it really isn't that the rule of not being able to date those of same sex will stand in the way.

They're ALL butch? Surely not? Sorry. I don't know. However, I only live 2 hours away from ATL. Yep! We're in the same state, and we are near EF too! ATL is very big, I don't think it'll take you long to find people you're interested in. Believe me! Just getting out will bring you to meeting loads of new people. Even when you aren't trying to

Best of luck to you, and I hope you soon get things under control and feel well. Get out a lot and try and make conversation, and I'm sure someone will latch right on.
10/10/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Isn't this kind of like saying all the good men are "married or gay"?

I think you're selling yourself and my hometown short. We do have a large gay and lesbian population, we also have a large bi and trans population.

You won't know unless you get out there and try. Though, if you know you aren't emotionally or mentally stable right now, you should definitely concentrate on getting yourself healthy instead of diving into the dating pool. Casual hookups aren't out of the question.
10/10/2012
Contributor: emiliaa emiliaa
I don't really appreciate that kind of comment.
I'm mentally ill, it's an illness, it's not like I can simply cure it. I've done many things to try to alleviate my symptoms, and I'm not really able to do any more.

So, if I never recover and become 'normal', do I not deserve to have someone...?
10/10/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by emiliaa
I don't really appreciate that kind of comment.
I'm mentally ill, it's an illness, it's not like I can simply cure it. I've done many things to try to alleviate my symptoms, and I'm not really able to do any ... more
No one said you don't deserve a relationship; everyone deserves to be loved.
10/11/2012
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
Quote:
Originally posted by emiliaa
I don't really appreciate that kind of comment.
I'm mentally ill, it's an illness, it's not like I can simply cure it. I've done many things to try to alleviate my symptoms, and I'm not really able to do any ... more
No one had the ability to know that you've taken the right steps to overcome your mental condition. It's understandable for someone to suggest that, not knowing whether or not you've explored your options.

Of course you deserve to be loved and have someone in your life. I understand that it's difficult to deal with an illness that you can't control. It's good that you've gotten help for it, I hope that it's made things easier for you to deal with.

As far as location, you're going to come across people from all walks of life, all races, all genders, all hair and eye colors. Just because you haven't SEEN a lot of 'pretty' lesbians, doesn't mean that there aren't any and doesn't mean you should feel like you can't put yourself out there because of that reason.

Open yourself up a little bit. There are amazing people in the world that you might discover you find attractive because of who they are, not what they look like. Tastes change over time and not all people are the same. If you put yourself in such a closed box, it's going to be a lot harder to find someone to spend your time with. Be open to having someone show you something a little different!

My sister is only attracted to feminine lesbians as well. She lives in Tennessee and hasn't had any issues finding girls that she's been attracted to. Put yourself out there and you'd be surprised by the results!

I hope you're settling well in your new place. Try not to get discouraged. Get out there, make some friends, and see where life takes you from there!
10/11/2012
Contributor: shorejen9 shorejen9
My best suggestion is get out there and make friends! Out of friendships you may meet that special someone. Plus friends do help with loneliness. Don't be too down, I hope things work out for you.
10/11/2012
Contributor: emiliaa emiliaa
Friendships help, but I'm so horny I constantly hit on my female friends, it's hard for me to control because i have no outlet for it. Porn doesn't arouse me at all, and solo things just...don't work. There has to be some degree of company.
10/12/2012