The New Intimacy

FWB, harmful or helpful?

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Contributor: TexasBrat TexasBrat
If you've ever had a FWB, do you think that they were helpful or harmful for you?
Did having one make you feel like you shouldn't actively pursue finding someone else? Did it make you feel bad about yourself having an FWB?
Or, did having one make you feel empowered and better about yourself?
08/08/2014
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Contributor: dv8 dv8
The situation's different for everyone. Having an FWB isn't inherently problematic. Your questions relate more to personal issues and insecurities than to the experience of having an FWB.
08/11/2014
Contributor: SexScienceAndFood SexScienceAndFood
FWB?
08/11/2014
Contributor: dv8 dv8
Quote:
Originally posted by SexScienceAndFood
FWB?
friend with benefits
Online dictionaries are convenient.
08/11/2014
Contributor: js250 js250
One helped me to get back into the real world after my husband's death. However--I can see where it could also go the other way and be harmful if there were other feelings developed by either party. Luckily mine was a friend only with a few benefits attached, so it was no big deal when he found a relationship.
09/14/2014
Contributor: Azula Azula
Quote:
Originally posted by TexasBrat
If you've ever had a FWB, do you think that they were helpful or harmful for you?
Did having one make you feel like you shouldn't actively pursue finding someone else? Did it make you feel bad about yourself having an FWB?
Or, did ... more
Personally, I've really enjoyed my FWB relationships! They tend to upgrade to relationships or else end because one or more people involved upgraded a different FWB to a relationship. I'm not terribly romantic, so I'm happier playing video games and then having sex than I am having to go on dates, even fun coffee or movie dates. I don't think they've ever made me feel like I couldn't pursue someone seriously, but I've never actually been interested in doing so-- hence my FWBs. Like any friendship or sexual partnership, good communication can make all the difference. If you want a FWB now but are ultimately looking for a long-term relationship, it's good to let your FWB know that up front.
09/14/2014
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
One helped me to get back into the real world after my husband's death. However--I can see where it could also go the other way and be harmful if there were other feelings developed by either party. Luckily mine was a friend only with a few ... more
I am glad to hear that helped you and things worked out well.

I agree with dv8. It has to do with knowing yourself and how you may react. Of course, asking other people about their experiences can't hurt, after all, you may see people point out pitfalls or benefits you never thought of. I personally have not had the opportunity to try FWB, but as much as I'd like to think I could handle it, I worry one of us would want more and get hurt. I already feel badly enough for boyfriends I broke up with (who wanted more) and it's a horrible feeling for me. I feel sick to my stomach knowing someone is attached to me and I am not interested, or not in anything but a casual way. I hate breaking someone's heart! And you can't always anticipate it. I know I would hate being in their position as well, so I might only try FWB with someone I know I don't like that much to begin with (you know, someone with certain things about them that annoy the crap out of you, lol!), but then, how could I stand having sex with them? I am probably not destined to a FWB relationship, but I sure wish I could do it, and in a way, I envy those who can!
09/14/2014
Contributor: MrClark MrClark
Quote:
Originally posted by Wicked Wahine
I am glad to hear that helped you and things worked out well.

I agree with dv8. It has to do with knowing yourself and how you may react. Of course, asking other people about their experiences can't hurt, after all, you may see people ... more
Agree w/ dv8 & Wicked Wahine, you have to know yourself. I will say I had never considered it until I made a new friend, which wasn't really made for a long term relationship and we both knew this. But I was kind of in a funk after breaking up with my ex-gf and they were needing physical intimacy with someone and so to get me out of my funk and keep them from going back to their ex we decided to share a physical connection with each other as FWBs. This worked out well for both of us and we are still friends even after we broke things off when I met someone new who I had an interest in dating and the FWB had to move out of state.

But I can't do the one night stand/fling kind of relationship as anonymous sex does nothing for me and it's so risky. So this provided me an option where I could still be friends with them and safe as we both got tested before we started a physical relationship. We also talked about it and set ground rules for what we expected, when we would end it, etc. This also included talking about it if one of us began to feel more than friendship towards the other.
06/11/2016
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by TexasBrat
If you've ever had a FWB, do you think that they were helpful or harmful for you?
Did having one make you feel like you shouldn't actively pursue finding someone else? Did it make you feel bad about yourself having an FWB?
Or, did ... more
I've had many of them before. When I was younger, I think it was more harmful, but it did help me learn to not attach quite so much. However, since I was much more emotionally fragile then, I think it was a little harmful.

It didn't make me feel empowered or bad. It just made me feel like I was in a relationship when I really wasn't. It made me more lonely.
06/13/2016