The New Intimacy

Do I need to sleep with someone new to truly get over my ex? - from Em and Lo

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Contributor: Em & Lo Em & Lo
This week on EMandLO.com, a female reader wrote to us asking this: "I broke up with my boyfriend almost three months ago, the reason we broke up is because he was “scared” of having a commitment. I’m still trying to work out my feelings towards him and trying to move on. The thing is, I’m not sure how I can move on. One friend of mine said that the only way to truly get over a guy is to get with another guy. Do you think that is necessary true? I don’t think that is true. I haven’t been with another person since my ex, but I have never been the type of person to hook up with random guys. Yet, do you think it’s true that I need to be with someone else to finally get my ex out of my head?"

What do you think? Is it possible to move on without the help of a palate cleansing hookup? And even if it is, is it faster, smoother, easier with a hookup to distract you? Or will you pay for that sort of shortcut further down the road? Share your advice in the comments here or join the discussion already underway here.
07/20/2011
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Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Speaking 100% from my experience, it wasn't true for me. We weren't having commitment issues, we just weren't totally on the same wave-length. I was madly, head over heels, singing in the rain in love with this guy for the longest time. I called it quits and spent a year away from him. I dated two guys and even slept with another woman during that time and all it did was make me feel guilty. I still thought about him, compared him to the new guys in my life, missed him terribly when something good - or bad - was going on in my life. I picked up the phone and expressed my feelings and we've been together ever since. That was seven years ago.

However, when someone is afraid to be "tied" to another person I think it's a different story. This woman should definitely find someone knew to play with and explore life with because he quite clearly is saying "I'm just not that into you" and in order to avoid becoming his "girl on the hook", she should probably concentrate her time and affections elsewhere.
07/20/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
I don't think just picking up a guy to have random sex with is going to "cure" her of this problem.

Moving on takes strength, and confidence and most of all time.
07/20/2011
Contributor: SexyLilPixi SexyLilPixi
Sometimes it really takes time, but I've always found the ultimate cure is to actually fall in love with somebody else, someone more fitting (which I also find always eventually happens, for me at least), not just straight up sleep with somebody else.
07/20/2011
Contributor: Cori Cori
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I don't think just picking up a guy to have random sex with is going to "cure" her of this problem.

Moving on takes strength, and confidence and most of all time.
Couldn't agree more!
07/20/2011
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
I really think that that would only further muddle her feelings about relationships. Moving on takes gentle love, not rough sex!
07/20/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Ryuson
I really think that that would only further muddle her feelings about relationships. Moving on takes gentle love, not rough sex!
Interesting. Is there something I missed in the article? I don't see anything about rough sex or one-night stands in the text.
07/20/2011
Contributor: babyrock babyrock
I think if you hook up with some random guy it'll only make you feel worse.
07/20/2011
Contributor: Kinkypixie Kinkypixie
Quote:
Originally posted by babyrock
I think if you hook up with some random guy it'll only make you feel worse.
I agree and coulnt have put it better myself
08/01/2011
Contributor: GravyCakes GravyCakes
i think there would be a lot of regret if someone were to hook up w/ someone just to get over an ex.
08/05/2011
Contributor: Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
Everyone heals differently. No one can tell you what will work best for you.
08/05/2011
Contributor: wetone123 wetone123
Believe me...It does not work! Been there Done that
08/05/2011
Contributor: kellyg kellyg
Personal experience proves for me that sleeping with someone else does not help. I think it temporarily makes me feel good, cause of the attention possibly, but in the end it makes me feel worse than where I started out.
08/05/2011
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
No, you will just end up regretting it.
08/06/2011
Contributor: IslandGoddess IslandGoddess
NO you will regret it and feel horrible after. The best way to get over him is TIME. No contact, no calling, texting, emails, try to avoid him for as long as possible if your serious change your number. Get rid of all the memories of you and him, picture, videos, old texts anything that reminds you of him, gifts etc. But never ever sleep with someone take it from me i tried that once and it made everything worse, til this day i regret it and if i could go back id change it.
08/11/2011
Contributor: Dear Ruby Dear Ruby
Sleeping with someone else is totally ineffective. I think your friends are confusing sex with love. You can't substitute one for the other, that's ludicrous.
08/15/2011
Contributor: frisky069 frisky069
Quote:
Originally posted by Em & Lo
This week on EMandLO.com, a female reader wrote to us asking this: "I broke up with my boyfriend almost three months ago, the reason we broke up is because he was “scared” of having a commitment. I’m still trying to work out my feelings towards ... more
definitely not true with me! i actually left a guy i was completely in love with because i was afraid of being hurt and the fact i loved him, well i left him and started dating someone else right away, and slept with him, didn't help at all!! all i did was think of him still, and now i'm trying to work things back out with him after i left him!
09/18/2011
Contributor: Eva Schwaltz Eva Schwaltz
I think that would actually make things worse. People need their own time to heal.
09/18/2011
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
that's a terrible idea. in order to get over someone, it would be best to go on with life- it sucks, but that's how it is. Having sex with someone just to get over a previous partner is not going to make you feel better. random hook ups have their time and place and it's not after a newly broken up relationship
09/18/2011
Contributor: UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
It's not going to be the only solution, but it sure can help.
09/27/2011