The New Intimacy

What would you do if you found out your partner was cheating?

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Contributor: Rory Rory
This is the other half of the poll I posted yesterday.
My husband has traveling service people work for him and one man always talks about the women he is fooling around with. He is married 20 plus years and it sounds like a "happy" marriage. He travels everywhere and has regulars as well as one nighter's. It sounds like the regulars know he's married and the one nighter's may not know. If you were the spouse and you found out what would you do? I'd go with answer 1!
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Cut his BALLS off!!
Threaten him (if you don't stop I'll leave)
BrittaniMaree
1  (2%)
Leave
Kissy , charmedtomeetyou , Lovely Jubblies , Noelle , llellsee , Big Dog , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , sXeVegan90 , BlooJay , deltalima , Skindiver , Boyfriend , Ryuson , MissCandyland , AliMc , Alyxx , haley730 , Stagger13 , Neotigress , PropertyOfPotter , Deeder , TiffyPixie , married with children , mpfm
24  (60%)
File for divorce immediately!
Stay quite because you don't want him (or her) to leave you
Don't bring it up because of the kids
Cheat on him - that will make it fair
Ask to make it a threesome
I'm in an open relationship so my partner can sleep with who ever
SiNn
1  (2%)
Other - I'm sure I missed a bunch of choices
Taylor , Mwar , *Camoprincess* , Gracie , mistressg , Supervixen , SneakersAndPearls , funluvinmama , tortilla , solitudinarian , darthkitt3n , Billie Bones , Jimenko , richsam
14  (35%)
Total votes: 40
Poll is closed
09/30/2012
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Contributor: Taylor Taylor
I would try and talk through the issue to see if anything could be resolved. Probably would want to go to couple's counseling. I don't think any sudden decision is good, and it is important to see if the relationship is worth saving and what if any steps can be taken to repair the relationship.

I also don't think violence/threats are ever the answer.
09/30/2012
Contributor: *Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
I have to say other because it depends on if the wife has found out before and gave him another chance or not. I personally don't give 2nd chances to cheaters, I tried working things out with my "ex husband" when I found out he was cheating on me. I gave him that chance an he was busted again so I left him!
09/30/2012
Contributor: Mwar Mwar
I'd give him a chance or two with the line "anything you'd like to tell me?" If he doesn't come clean, then:

-Hire a PI to get evidence of cheating.
-Read up on my states divorce laws
-Slowly start packing my valuables

When I'm prepared enough, I would tell him what I'd want in the divorce (I'd be fair).
09/30/2012
Contributor: Kissy Kissy
I don't take any of it. I would leave.
09/30/2012
Contributor: mistressg mistressg
- Ask him how long it had been going on and WHY.
- Get tested.
- Leave.
- Probably move, too.
09/30/2012
Contributor: Gracie Gracie
It's time to sit down for a heart to heart. They need to find out what they want, why this happened, and what makes sense for the future. If they want to stay together they will probably need therapy. Every couple is different and the motivation for staying together varies widely. I couldn't stay in a relationship if there was cheating. The key is to know yourself and what you can and cannot live with. Before I left I would want to know I explored all the options for salvaging the relationship first. But then if we both weren't all the way committed to the relationship I would walk away.
09/30/2012
Contributor: Noelle Noelle
Quote:
Originally posted by Rory
This is the other half of the poll I posted yesterday.
My husband has traveling service people work for him and one man always talks about the women he is fooling around with. He is married 20 plus years and it sounds like a "happy" ... more
First I'd freak out, then ask him if he had something he wanted to tell me. Hopefully he would come clean, so I could get at least a tiny amount of respect over it. Then I would leave his sorry ass. I might even sleep with his best friend or brother or someone just as a payback.
09/30/2012
Contributor: Supervixen Supervixen
I would talk about it first. There are too many circumstances to consider before making a rash decision in these situations. People always say, "Oh, I'd leave in a heartbeat!" Well, it's not always that simple. What if you have kids, or are not financially independent, or you have nowhere to go, or there's something about the situation that you don't know about? It's hard to leave a spouse. Divorces are long, drawn out processes, and it's rare that anyone can just walk out the door and be done with it.
09/30/2012
Contributor: PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
I would leave. I have been cheated on in the past and I don't go for that shit.
09/30/2012
Contributor: SneakersAndPearls SneakersAndPearls
There would be a lot of issues that would need to be addressed before I made any sort of decision. Was it ongoing? Was he in love with her? Was it a one-night stand? Was it done as some sort of revenge? Was there some sort of emotional damage that had been done to push him in that direction?

At the very least, we would have to sit down and hash out the hows and whys, and there'd be a lot of trust issues.
09/30/2012
Contributor: funluvinmama funluvinmama
Honestly, I don't know what I would do. I tell myself that I would leave, because I have been in the situation with an ex. I really don't know what I would really do, now that I am married with 2 kids.
09/30/2012
Contributor: sXeVegan90 sXeVegan90
I'd leave, simple as that.
09/30/2012
Contributor: BlooJay BlooJay
I'd leave. I might still love her, but I'd leave.
09/30/2012
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by Rory
This is the other half of the poll I posted yesterday.
My husband has traveling service people work for him and one man always talks about the women he is fooling around with. He is married 20 plus years and it sounds like a "happy" ... more
I'd be sad. If it was my current partner, I really don't know.
09/30/2012
Contributor: tortilla tortilla
need more info to decide
09/30/2012
Contributor: Boyfriend Boyfriend
leave, that is completely unacceptable
09/30/2012
Contributor: MissCandyland MissCandyland
I would definitely leave. I'd always have trust issues with that person.
10/01/2012
Contributor: solitudinarian solitudinarian
I would try to find out why, and would probably be more forgiving if he told me himself. It also depends on how long it had been going on for, whether he was in love with the other woman (women?) and whether there was something problem in our relationship that was a contributing factor. The bragging to the colleague bothers me as much as (if not more than) the cheating.
10/01/2012
Contributor: Alyxx Alyxx
Especially if it was a frequent, habitual thing like what you described, I'd leave immediately. Once, maybe I could forgive, but every time you go out of town, that's bullshit.
10/01/2012
Contributor: Neotigress Neotigress
Quote:
Originally posted by Rory
This is the other half of the poll I posted yesterday.
My husband has traveling service people work for him and one man always talks about the women he is fooling around with. He is married 20 plus years and it sounds like a "happy" ... more
If he and his wife have an understanding that is one thing, but if he's sneaking around and lying, he's a scumbag at best.
10/01/2012
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
It wouldn't matter why, or how many times, or what it involved. I will not allow myself to be in a relationship with someone that has that much disrespect for me that they would cheat. If you don't want to be with me, leave. If you do, stay faithful. Simple as that.
10/01/2012
Contributor: BrittaniMaree BrittaniMaree
I would discuss our options after 10 years it would be stupid to just leave unless it was a really bad situation like Jerry springer shit slept with my sister aunt or even mom shocking that that actually happens my god
10/01/2012
Contributor: Deeder Deeder
I'd leave, whatever the case. If they're not happy with me, whether it's because I'm "not enough" or they've fallen out of love, then I'd just remove myself from the equation.
10/01/2012
Contributor: TiffyPixie TiffyPixie
This is a big fear of mine. I've told him that if he ever cheats, I'm gone.
10/01/2012
Contributor: Billie Bones Billie Bones
I would wonder why they felt the need to 'cheat' because I'm pretty open to opening up whatever relationship(s) I'm in. So cheating would be not being honest about who they were fooling around with. I would talk to them about it before making any decisions.
10/01/2012
Contributor: SiNn SiNn
Quote:
Originally posted by Rory
This is the other half of the poll I posted yesterday.
My husband has traveling service people work for him and one man always talks about the women he is fooling around with. He is married 20 plus years and it sounds like a "happy" ... more
my betetr half and i have an open relationship now if he hid it from me id be pissed and flip out
10/01/2012
Contributor: Zombirella Zombirella
I honestly don't know. I would want to leave but not sure if I'm strong enough. If it was more than once, I'd FORCE myself to do it. I stayed with a cheater before and he only did it again and again. He really hurt me and my trust in men in general. I think I'm finally able to trust my fiance completely....that took three years. While I know it's unfair to take it out on other guys, it is just SO hard for me to trust. I also have issues with trusting people in general because of it.
10/02/2012
Contributor: married with children married with children
it would be over.
10/03/2012
Contributor: richsam richsam
Quote:
Originally posted by Rory
This is the other half of the poll I posted yesterday.
My husband has traveling service people work for him and one man always talks about the women he is fooling around with. He is married 20 plus years and it sounds like a "happy" ... more
talking really ddoes help alot but u have to be able to open up and talk and not scream n yell
10/05/2012