The New Intimacy

What to do with a hubby that is 'ol fashioned?

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Contributor: Cammie ♥ Cammie ♥
Hi Everyone!

My hubby is 15 years old than I. I never had an issue with this until I discovered that we are on two different sexual levels in our life. I'm 27 and at the peak of trying new things and discovering who I am and what I like. My husband, who is 42, must have already passed his peak and is now on the fast, downward slide to boring sex.

Anyone else married to an older man and find that things have just become 'ol fashioned and boring? What can I do to spice things up without having him run for the hills? I found out that he has an interest in using toys on me, and will gladly play around until it becomes something he finds unusual. For him, the idea of licking chocolate off of my body was greeted with a look of "People really do that?" Gotta love him though lol

Help girls (and guys)!
12/16/2010
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Contributor: UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
Quote:
Originally posted by Cammie ♥
Hi Everyone!

My hubby is 15 years old than I. I never had an issue with this until I discovered that we are on two different sexual levels in our life. I'm 27 and at the peak of trying new things and discovering who I am and what I like. ... more
Oh geez, sorry to hear that. How did you not know before you were married that you weren't sexual compatible?

The only thing I can suggest is to communicate. Let him know that it's something important to you, and that you'd appreciate him working with you on that.

Also, 42 is rather young to be losing an interest in sex. I know plenty of men older than that that still have sex drives like they were 18. So, I wonder if there are some other issues at work. Again, communication. If there are other issues, get them out in the open. You don't want to become overly frustrated by this problem because frustration often times leads to resentment (by one or both parties).
12/17/2010
Contributor: Lady Neshamah Lady Neshamah
oxygen is right, 42 is a bit young for losing his sex drive. i have a lover that is in his early 60s and is just the same as my 24 year old lover.

what i would start with is to see if anything peaks his interest, from outfits to food to even something a bit on the light end of kink. just test the waters to see if there is something that will get him up and going that even he didn't know he was into.
12/17/2010
Contributor: sophie2229 sophie2229
Good luck! I love the "people really do that" reaction
12/17/2010
Contributor: Kindred Kindred
I don't think a persons age necessarily has anything to do with sex becoming "boring." I'm in my forties and we are just discovering the fun of toys. I think it has more to do with personal preference, as well as time married. I think that after awhile, sex can become "routine" in a marriage. What I might suggest is rather than trying to get him to do something, turn the situation around and do it to him. For example, you suggested he lick chocolate off your body. Instead, why don't you do the licking. If he enjoys it and sees that you enjoy it, he might be more receptive to trying new things. Also, I can't stress how important it is to talk to each other. Also, be sure that you don't let him know that you think your current sex is boring. That will only make him defensive. Explain that this is something that you are interested in and think would be fun to try. Be sure to ask if there is anything that he would be interested in.
12/17/2010
Contributor: Cammie ♥ Cammie ♥
Quote:
Originally posted by UnknownGirl
Oh geez, sorry to hear that. How did you not know before you were married that you weren't sexual compatible?

The only thing I can suggest is to communicate. Let him know that it's something important to you, and that you'd ... more
We never had sex until after we was serious. Mostly because I had just got out of a divorce and just had a child. We bonded on other things than sex, which I don't regret at all. I just wish I would have known about this issue.
12/17/2010
Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
I would suggest just going slow with him. See what he is and isn't up to. And eventually you might find he starts coming around on some ideas he's already turned down.

But don't think it's just because of his age that he's like that. My husband is 54 and we still try all kinds of new things.
12/17/2010
Contributor: PussyGalore PussyGalore
Show him. Tell him. Talk about it. Discuss boundaries. My husband is 16 years older than me and when we met, I knew more about sex and fetishes and fantasies than he did. Now, we're about equal pace with discovering new things we like and perfecting our classics. In my opinion, because this is something you want more than he does (right now) it is your burden to discuss and present this with maturity and respect. This is not an area to strong arm, throw tantrums, or manipulate the situation if he doesn't initially like what you suggest.

You may find explaining why it turns you on turns him on enough for whatever you want to be a nonissue. Be very firm and clear and respect each other's boundaries about the realism of the fantasy, involving other people or even the use of realistic toys. Involve him to the utmost and fullest extent. Communication is key!
12/20/2010
Contributor: PussyGalore PussyGalore
Quote:
Originally posted by UnknownGirl
Oh geez, sorry to hear that. How did you not know before you were married that you weren't sexual compatible?

The only thing I can suggest is to communicate. Let him know that it's something important to you, and that you'd ... more
Whoa Oxygen, way to dive into the deep end there. This is a great opportunity for them to become more sexually compatible. And just because they've hit a block at this point doesn't mean GAME OVER. Just means there needs to be a lot of open communication about what turns each other on and if he is open to reading a book or two, it's an even greater opportunity. (When Someone You love Is Kinky, for example is a great start.)
12/20/2010
Contributor: mrs.mckrakn mrs.mckrakn
im 25 and hubbie is 30. the gap isnt as big as your but i did noticed that i want sex more than he does. they say a man reaches is peck teens early 20s. a woman 30s. so im guessing his already passed. wish isnt a problema anymore. i would drive myself crazy and was kinda depressed from his constant rejection. i learned to accept it...its not like we dont have sex often, its that i want more. if it were up to me, everyday, or would even seattle for everyother day. good luck girl...
12/20/2010
Contributor: Maiden Maiden
I agree with the others when they say communication is key. Find out what he likes. I was in a relationship with an older man for five years. I would go through catalogs of lingerie with him and ask him which styles turned him on. Also, we watched porn together and I could get a gist of what he liked and didn't like by his reactions. Every person is different and there really is no way to know unless you talk to each other, explore, and have fun with it. Take your time and try things out, finding by trial and error what turns each other on. Also, he may be more receptive to trying things you like that he isn't particularly into if you do the same for him. Take turns so that you can say, "okay, now it's my turn to choose something I would like to try or have you do for me."
12/20/2010
Contributor: Cammie ♥ Cammie ♥
Thanks to everyone for responding. I have to admit, reviewing products with EF has really helped, but me bringing it up in marriage counseling. Our therapist said that men are at their peak in the late teens/early twenties, and women hit their peak late 20's / early 30's. I'm 27

Anyways, thanks so much for the advice and maybe I'll be able to post later about how to stop having so much sex! lol
01/13/2011