The New Intimacy

Where do you meet people?

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Contributor: PinkySt PinkySt
Because I must be dense, I don't like bars, munches are usually sausage fests, poly groups in my area are folks old enough to be my parents, meeting people IRL randomly tends to get me weird looks and scorn, and online has gotten me nowhere because I'm married. What do?

I'm starting to feel like lying and pretending to be single is the only way I'll ever get a girlfriend, and I don't want to stoop to that crap.

I have been trying to meet someone for three years, and i havn't had any promising dates in about two years, hell I haven't even gotten a woman to look at me. I don't get it!
04/18/2013
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Contributor: KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
I found my current partner on OKCupid, but my other partners were people I met in my hobbies. They all knew before anything happened about my partner, so there was no oddness. I prefer to find people that way because it is more organic and laid back.

I am also an active member of my local BDSM community, so I do attend munches and have met potential partners there, but I am a bit poly saturated right now, so I am not actively pursing anything.
04/18/2013
Contributor: PinkySt PinkySt
Quote:
Originally posted by KrissyNovacaine
I found my current partner on OKCupid, but my other partners were people I met in my hobbies. They all knew before anything happened about my partner, so there was no oddness. I prefer to find people that way because it is more organic and laid back. ... more
I've been on OKCupid for ages, and nothing, no one will even talk to me most of the time, and of they do I get dropped after about 3 messages. Like I said, the BDSM groups and the munches they host are all full of guys, and I don't want to meet guys. So I guess I'm just stuck.

Most of my hobbies are for an older demographic, so I rarely meet anyone my age at events like that, it's always people that are a minimum of 10 years older then me.
04/18/2013
Contributor: KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
Quote:
Originally posted by PinkySt
I've been on OKCupid for ages, and nothing, no one will even talk to me most of the time, and of they do I get dropped after about 3 messages. Like I said, the BDSM groups and the munches they host are all full of guys, and I don't want to ... more
I am taking a wild stab in the dark with this next thing.

It may also be if you are being specific. I don't want to be jugey, but in my experience the more specific you are in what you are looking for, the harder it is to find.

I started poly looking for a unicorn. (hot bi chick that will be into both me and my male partner). I wanted her to be open to polyfidelity with us. She had to have similar interests. She had to be sane and willing to communicate her needs well. She also had to be single without any other partners.

I haven't found her.

Instead, I found a Lesbian that loved me and my husband (non sexually for him), but had serious sexual hiccups and attention issues that made us incompatible and we parted ways.

I found a bisexual dominant man that has become a life partner to, not only me, but my hetero husband. They aren't sexual together, but they also can't imagine life without the other.

I'm not saying that being specific is bad, but it does mean that your pool is limited. I am sure my perfect woman is out there, but for me, it wasn't worth the wait.
04/18/2013
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by PinkySt
Because I must be dense, I don't like bars, munches are usually sausage fests, poly groups in my area are folks old enough to be my parents, meeting people IRL randomly tends to get me weird looks and scorn, and online has gotten me nowhere ... more
I tend to find most of my partners and playmates just by living openly and being patient.
04/18/2013
Contributor: PinkySt PinkySt
I'm really not too terribly particular, I just don't want to be with a man, simply because I'm not interested in men for the most part, my husband was pretty much my exception. It would be nice if she was a mythical unicorn, but I'm pretty sure they are called that for a reason.
though sanity is not negotiable, I've been down that road, it wasn't enjoyable.


Also I can't be super open, I have a job to worry about and all that, since i live in the south, and a right to work state. I have to be very careful about who I make aware of these things.
04/18/2013
Contributor: ac0313 ac0313
I too have found some on OKC. More in my local kink community by attending sloshes and other events.
04/20/2013