The New Intimacy

What are your thoughts on what polyamour in general? And specifically, do you think it should be legalized?

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Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
Related to: 
Polyamour: A Soulful Slant on Multiple Sexual Lovestyles
Today we had two articles on SexIs dealing with Polyamory. In the first, "Polyamour: A Soulful Slant on Multiple Sexual Lovestyles", A Modern Love Muse paints a picture of the definition of polyamory with a very broad stroke. In it she asks: "How many of us think of ourselves as polyamorous? Some do, of course, but probably most of us think of ourselves as monogamous. Yet, how many of us can claim we've loved just one person in our lives? Likely, not many. So, are we truly monogamous or are most of us serially polyamorous?"



What are your thoughts?



The other article was a short sexfeed piece called, Polyamorists Argue for Polygamy in British Columbia. In it, Jeff Schult reports about a case that is being heard in the BC Supreme Court Supreme Court where the CPAA says that polygamy should not be considered criminal.



Do you think they should allow the legalization of polyamorous relationships?
03/31/2011
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Contributor: savagelove savagelove
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
Today we had two articles on SexIs dealing with Polyamory. In the first, "Polyamour: A Soulful Slant on Multiple Sexual Lovestyles", A Modern Love Muse paints a picture of the definition of polyamory with a very broad stroke. In it she ... more
My general rule is that if all parties involved are informed, consenting adults, it's nobody else's business.

I don't believe the concept of having one and only one true love is a common human trait, behaviourally. I look at partners like I look at, say, brownies: Out of all the brownies in the world, there probably is one best suited for me, that has the perfect amount of cocoa, sugar, walnuts, moistness etc. Does that mean that the brownie ranked 30th best couldn't satisfy me completely for a really, really long time? Absolutely not. I could possibly never taste the #1 brownie, but have very successful experiences with brownies number 30, 89, 108... maybe if I'm lucky number 12. You get the idea. Relationships are the same way. There's a spectrum of compatibility and we're lucky to find people who fall in the section that best suits us. Hopefully, though, we don't rank them like brownies.

I think this is a really interesting age for poly relationships, mostly because women are able to take more control of their love lives than maybe 50, 200 or 1000 years ago. The ranking systems of poly's past aren't today's set rules and are consistently being challenged. Some folks can't conceive of a group of 3 or 5 people who love each other equally or are happy with the rankings (I may be one of them), but it's happening, and I think that's really neat. Communication is a beautiful thing.

As for legality:
One reason I think it'll never be considered legally--at least not anytime soon--is the bureaucratic mess that would be rewriting the laws for medical emergencies, inheritances, and domestic violence disputes. We assign rights to people based on their legal marriage status. I'm guessing it's awful for one partner not to be allowed into a hospital room because s/he's not the one on the marriage certificate and I believe there's reason for that to be changed, but change is slow, excruciatingly so for "nontraditional" relationships' rights.
03/31/2011
Contributor: Rockin' Rockin'
I don't know why we need laws about relationships in the first place. So, from that, I'd say that polyamory (along with any other relationship structure between consenting adults) should be legal.

Might it be good to have laws for things that people actually do? For instance, having laws or rights concerning property ownership, shared expenses, caretaking...sure, let's talk about what rights people should have and how these things affect society. Love? Commitment? Relationships between people? I don't think relationships need special laws.
03/31/2011
Contributor: Sammi Sammi
These were definitely interesting articles.
03/31/2011
Contributor: alliegator alliegator
To legalize polygamy would be a big mess logistically and such a hot topic dividing issue, I don't think it could happen in the US anytime soon. But, I do think is should be DECRIMINALIZED. Big difference. What consenting adults choose to do is their business. If they aren't defrauding the government or breaking the law in other ways, who they choose to "marry" in a religious wedding/commitment ceremony/spiritual union that is meaningful to them even if it isn't legally recognized is their business.
04/01/2011
Contributor: miamortis miamortis
yes it should be legal. and gay marriage
04/04/2011
Contributor: CPTInsanity CPTInsanity
I'm a Christian, but I don't believe in forcing my morals or values on anyone. I think that all of those kinds of moral laws should be taken off the books. What people do in their home is their business and I don't care. It is between them and what ever higher being that they believe in.

I agree with alliegator that it should be decriminalized. I guess you can't make it leagal because it opens up a can of worms like issues with insurance and things of that sort, but now that I think about it, with the new Obama care everyone will have to have insurance anyway, so go ahead and legalize it.
04/08/2011
Contributor: ac0313 ac0313
Am I missing something? Why is Polyamory illegal? If you are talking about marrying multiple partners, then yes that is illegal, but that is not the Polyamour lifestyle choice. At least not how I understand it and live it! We have a primary partner and one or more secondary and possibly even tertiary partners. My primary SO and I are deeply in love and that love was solidified by a near-death experience for me. She was by my side the entire time with no regard for her own comfort and when I came back to, she was the only one I wanted to see and she had accepted the possibility that she would stay with me even if all of my body did not function. But I regress...

I lived a serial Monogamous life for 40 something years, but strayed after 23 years of marriage because I believe I am wired for Polyamory. I not only accept, but encourage my SO to explore and find others with whom she feels attracted to and determine if she is compatible for a relationship with them (male or female). She does the same for me (females only). To use the analogy from Savagelove, there are many other brownies out there that we can enjoy, but we know not all of them will be to our personal taste. We are very comfortable with this and know that we are deeply in love with each other and want to spend as as many years together as we can, always coming back to the other and taking care of each other, as most any couple would do.
04/08/2011
Contributor: horngry horngry
Of course it should be legal, but I think we're far away from this reality, once even gay marriage isn't legal in most of areas.
04/11/2011
Contributor: BadassFatass BadassFatass
It should be legal, although I don't see it happening in my lifetime. Until Church and State are truly separate in the US, things like this are always going to be an issue.
04/11/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
The thing that bothers me is there are people who actually think caning a woman who was simply in a bedroom DRESSED and doing nothing sexual with a man who isn't her husband is a GOOD thing. Nine stripes the woman took because she is divorcing her husband and has prurient sexually obsessed neighbors. This is the reality of the world we live in.

It shouldn't be illegal to love whomever we choose sexually or otherwise. Love should never be illegal and sex should only be illegal when age is concerned. I DO believe children need and should be protected but adults should be free to live and love as they choose..and be responsible for their own actions.
04/11/2011
Contributor: SamsDelight SamsDelight
Okay so I may not be the most knowledgeable person to comment on this because I truly do believe for me there is only one. I have never had an intimate relationship with more than one person at a time. In saying this I do not believe anyone has the right to tell you what you are doing is illegal when you are all consenting adults. I am tired of discrimination in all forms. And I will say I had sex with a few but only said I love you to one. I was 23 years old and I have never wavered. I have one true love but he had two true loves. His first died a few months before he met me. Each story is different and each person is different. No one has the right to judge another.
04/14/2011
Contributor: tammyandy69 tammyandy69
Freedom....wouldn' t that be nice. Saddly it will never happen. Those in power want to stay there..so they will always tell us what is morally right. That is a form of control. as in times past people will go out side the "LAW" and do as their heart commands them to do. People should be free to do as they wish as long as it does not harm another.
04/24/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
I don't know why we need laws about relationships in the first place. So, from that, I'd say that polyamory (along with any other relationship structure between consenting adults) should be legal.



Might it be good to have laws ... more
Make it a civil union and a business contract, which is what marriage has always been at it's roots. Define who gets what and what the boundaries of the relationship are and you take away all the massive problems people envision would happen. I know it will take thinking outside the box and some things will be harder to define like parental relationships but damn it's not THAT much of an issue. The real problem is people believing that for some reason redefining the term "marriage" will undermine and invalidate their own. My loving and marrying two men at once doesn't make YOUR relationship less special! Two men or two women marrying doesn't invalidate my poly union or make it less special.
I guess I don't understand the need to belong and voiciferously defend an 'exclusive' club when it comes to love and relationships.
04/26/2011
Contributor: sexyintexas sexyintexas
I think that who people choose to love should be just that...their choice not anyones elses!
04/26/2011
Contributor: Joie de Cherresse Joie de Cherresse
Very interesting articles. I believe it should be legal. I don't think the government should govern how people love. I say love because that's exactly what they are trying to tell you. That you can't love more than one person and have a happy life together.
04/26/2011
Contributor: Diabolical Kitty Diabolical Kitty
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
Today we had two articles on SexIs dealing with Polyamory. In the first, "Polyamour: A Soulful Slant on Multiple Sexual Lovestyles", A Modern Love Muse paints a picture of the definition of polyamory with a very broad stroke. In it she ... more
I think they should. Who has the right to tell anyone who they can love and how many people can they love.
04/26/2011
Contributor: tiname25 tiname25
why not its their choice
05/10/2011
Contributor: yatinp30 yatinp30
ya its a free country
05/10/2011
Contributor: hotcoktail hotcoktail
Everyone has his own choice.
05/11/2011
Contributor: Nice to Eat you Nice to Eat you
agreed, but why do you need it legal, you just make it complicated
04/27/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Nice to Eat you
agreed, but why do you need it legal, you just make it complicated
For the same reason other folks want to be able to legalize their unions. For us it would allow our life partner to actually move to the States and live here legally. I don't want benefits that I really don't think should be reserved for married folks but it would be nice to be able to make an honest man of him!
05/01/2012