The New Intimacy

Starting an Open Relationship

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Contributor: AnalArtist AnalArtist
So, I have moved to a new city and well been working a lot and starting to get tired of the single life. The only problem is, I have a mistress I'm into bdsm.) She is one of my best friends and lives out of state. We don't get to see each other too often but we share an emotional and sexual bound. She has a girlfriend of like 6 years.
My problem is, Who do I find a girl that would be fine with this and open to later down the line? I wanna have a family but my mistress is such a key part of my life I don't want to lose her as a mistress or my friend. So any advice on how or where to look for a girl more open minded about sex?
12/01/2009
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Contributor: LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Where did you find your mistress? I would suggest looking for groups that are kink-friendly. You are more likely to encounter women who are at least familiar with your situation.

I have a friend who posted a profile on OKCupid.com, a free personals site. Now, many people have a wide variety of opinions on the usefulness of this site, but he was able to state clearly and directly on his profile that he was single, but poly-minded and this was something that needed to be ok with anyone who got in contact with him. So, that's an avenue to check out as well.
12/02/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
Where did you find your mistress? I would suggest looking for groups that are kink-friendly. You are more likely to encounter women who are at least familiar with your situation.

I have a friend who posted a profile on OKCupid.com, a free ... more
I agree. I've also heard from many people that fetlife. com is very good. You can say quite clearly that you're interested in a polygamous relationship, as well as some other things on the site. From what I've personally seen of it, it's very well laid out and easy to get your likes/dislikes across.
12/02/2009
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
All such good advice! The real question, to my mind, is whether you are seeking a poly arrangement or something more akin to a kink arrangement. If you have a full on sexual as well as emotional relationship with your Mistress then a poly arrangement is what you are seeking. To that end it would do you well to look online for poly groups in your area and/or some sites that cater to poly people such as ok cupid or 'Loving More'.

Still and all the best way to find your special someone (or someones!) is to get out there and look just as if you were monogamous! The only real difference is you MUST be honest from the very begnning of any potential relationship about your desire to be poly. It's the ethical and sane thing to do. Now I don;t suggest you wear a sign or blurt out your desires but defnately before you form a deeper commitment (or have sex!) be sure you are clear about your preferred arrangment.

If your relationship with your Mistress is purely kink then you also need to be clear to any potential lifemate that this is something you will continue to pursue and give the new love the choice to stay or go, again it's the only ethical thing you can do.

Good luck with your search and with your long distance relationship! ~Airen
12/30/2009
Contributor: KinkyShay KinkyShay
Quote:
Originally posted by AnalArtist
So, I have moved to a new city and well been working a lot and starting to get tired of the single life. The only problem is, I have a mistress I'm into bdsm.) She is one of my best friends and lives out of state. We don't get to see each ... more
I agree that okcupid is a great resource. As a poly individual, I have a profile there, but had no idea initially that there were so many others who are poly within the site. As someone else mentioned, Fetlife is a great resource as well. I disagree that you should continue to fish in the monogamous pool though. People have a higher likelihood of a relationship lasting when they aren't convincing a partner to "try out" poly. Not that it doesn't happen, but it is the harder road to take.
02/03/2010
Contributor: AnalArtist AnalArtist
I just made a profile on okcupid... I have only found on "match" to me that's poly. I'm hoping to be able to at less make some friends at less on it. I keep picking the harder things in life but I'm hoping for the best.
02/08/2010