The New Intimacy

small town poly

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Contributor: oliverHyde oliverHyde
It might just be because I'm in a pretty small town, but I seem to have encountered a lot of do-gooders who feel the need to inform my partner and I that my partner or I are cheating on us even after we've explained that we're poly and we both know about each other's dates.

has this happened to anyone else?

has anyone ever been stopped in mid-date? It's never happened to me (thank god) but it's happened to several friends of mine.
07/22/2010
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Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by oliverHyde
It might just be because I'm in a pretty small town, but I seem to have encountered a lot of do-gooders who feel the need to inform my partner and I that my partner or I are cheating on us even after we've explained that we're poly and we ... more
We tend not to have "dates" as much as play dates which are not handled in public venues like restaurants. No one ever ratted out my husband he is a rather scary guy...though people have tried to tell him that I cheated on him. It's crazy really and none of anyone else's business but there ya go. I have had women that Sigel is interested in treat me as though they are the "mistress" and his "true love" even though he explains in pretty bald terms that neither is true. He is painfully blunt and to be honest if a man ever talked to me the way he does these women I'd slap the taste out of his mouth and walk away...but they persist in their fantasies. It boggles my mind.
I mean ok the man is very attractive and the quintessential "bad boy" but OMG get a grip! If a man tells you all he wants you for is sex even if he is a nice man then shouldn't you at least entertain the notion that he's telling the truth?
I've had these women call my house and refuse to talk to me insisting on talking to my underage daughter! That's where I draw the line and explain to them FIRMLY that I know he has been with them, I knew BEFORE he approached them that he was going to AND that it was my permission that made it possible! Then I invite them to talk to my life partner! It really makes me angry when people persist in their Disney world romance novel mentality.
Poly and swinging couples do not do this because they are "searching" for the perfect partner, they are not missing some essential element in their love life with their primary partner and they aren't looking for the illicit thrill of cheating.
When a man tells you right off the bat that he isn't leaving his wife and that she knows what's going on wouldn't it make sense to meet the wife and find out for yourself??? I love meeting my husband's playmates and he likes it as well but they seem to have this childish belief that all I really want to do is punish them...to me it would make more sense to meet the partner of a playmate first BEFORE anything happens, even if I don't plan on making her/him a friend at least if they meant to punish me I'd know it before I actually did anything!
Ah well the perils of open relationships right?
07/29/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
There are so many people who are trouble makers. My Man and I used to have an Open Relationship, and wow, I cannot tell you how many people would "hint around" that he was "cheating." Even after I would explain, in really simple terms, "We see other people. It's what's best for us at this stage in our relationship. It doesn't bother me." People would STILL go on and on, "How can you let him do that? What a jerk. I would NEVER let my bf see other girls." When I would explain that I saw other men, too, people would just.....stare.

Funny thing is SO many of the people who made the most trouble either were secretly cheated on by their SOs or were secretly cheating, with NO Open Understanding, on their own SOs. I think people want to start trouble a lot of the time when they see something they want but can't have.

We had a mutual friend that just wouldn't stop. She would get me alone, and go on and on about, "So, you KNOW The Man is seeing other people? Why doesn't bother you? Are you SURE you know what's going on? Do you want me to get you information?" NO, I did NOT want "information!" I finally told My Man that this woman was doing this and he agreed that she was a trouble maker and a gossip and to just ignore her. Funny, because she and the guy she was "madly in love with forever and ever" and claimed would never "cheat" on her did, and they are now divorced, and My Man and I are still together and now monogamous.

Funny how things turn out.

I wish people would mind their own business. Especially when you TELL THEM you have an Open Relationship, and NO, you don't want to hear the details of what they saw or heard. I guess the jealous can't seem to fathom any other way of being.

I wonder if a lot of these people were secretly jealous of US, because we were exploring alternatives to mono "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationships, and maybe they wished they had the same freedom.
07/29/2010
Contributor: Vexed Vexed
P'Gell, I think those people wanted to talk about it. It's a fascinating subject to talk about. Also, maybe they were questioning it personally. Even though they would say that it wasn't for them, they still may have been seriously considering it and mulling it over.
10/18/2010
Contributor: J's Alley J's Alley
Quote:
Originally posted by oliverHyde
It might just be because I'm in a pretty small town, but I seem to have encountered a lot of do-gooders who feel the need to inform my partner and I that my partner or I are cheating on us even after we've explained that we're poly and we ... more
My best friend and her husband are poly. Another one of our friends is always telling me I should tell her that her man is cheating. I am forever explaining that he isn't cheating and that she knows...it's OK. No one gets it. J and I just laugh...people don't get how we can be friends with them because of all the "cheating" drama.

I am well known for not tolerating cheating, so it confuses mutual friends when I never address their issues, especially because we are monogamous. Umm...they aren't issues. They KNEW they were poly before marriage. Simple. You learn to just ignore it and laugh it off.
10/18/2010