The New Intimacy

Opening up a relationship, not polyamory

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Contributor: Rarity Rarity
Sorry! I couldn't figure out where to post this under Relationships and this seems to be the closest I could find. I'd like more information on this subject and am wondering if anyone would be willing to share their insights.

The past few days straight I've been having dreams about men other than my partner. It's got me to wonder if I am missing out on the sexual conquest that I haven't gotten to experience since my partner has been my one and only. Today I brought up the subject with him and we both realized we know little on the subject and how it works.

How does a couple determine whether or not they're ready to take the plunge? He's afraid that I might find someone better than him but I have no interest in finding another life partner. They would be purely sexual relationships without a romantic component. There's also a matter of jealousy, on both our parts (a little more from me than him from what I can tell!) I expect him to find partners as well if we were to open up our relationship. How do partners deal with that issue?

I believe I'm feeling a bit unsatisfied with my current situation and the thought of having multiple partners has been something I've considered. It might be worth noting that my partner and I are currently dating long distance due to school (we live 3600 miles apart on different continents) and don't get to visit each other more than twice a year. I'd really appreciate insight from others who have tried this sort of arrangement.
10/10/2011
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Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Rarity
Sorry! I couldn't figure out where to post this under Relationships and this seems to be the closest I could find. I'd like more information on this subject and am wondering if anyone would be willing to share their insights.

The past ... more
WOW that's a mighty big can o worms to be thinking about opening! Still it can be a great one if you are going fishing....
First off you really really should discuss this face to face before you take the plunge. What sounds great in theory can totaly wreck a relationship so be sure you know what you are getting into. Remember that while you may not WANT to have feelings in the mix that is actually a very rare occurrance so you need to have a battle strategy for that.
READ and research the topic just as you would for any school assignment or subject you are studying. It makes no sense to repeat mistakes made by others if you can avoid it. Then go out and talk to people with successful open marriages of all configurations but especialy those who are doing what you feel would work for you two. Don't be afraid to approach people (especialy here at EF) most of us would be glad to talk to you about your situation and lots of us have tried many different approaches to being open before settling on the one we like best.
10/10/2011
Contributor: Rarity Rarity
This seems to be a very one sided thing. He has no desire to be with anyone else so the major issue is whether or not he can afford to allow me to see other people. He can't separate sex from love but in my head things work differently, although I can't tell if things work in real life as they do in my head!

He really doesn't want to restrain me from exploring my sexuality but there's always an issue of what's ok and what's not. I think we do need to do a lot of research into this to see if this could possibly work for us for the time being. It's just a huge step to take! The scary part is not knowing what it can bring for us as a couple.

Thank you so much for your reply! It's absolutely great to be able to talk so openly about this subject. I really appreciate it.
10/10/2011
Contributor: Rarity Rarity
After sleeping it off, my partner and I have decided that we aren't ready to take this step. Thank you so much for your help.
10/11/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Rarity
After sleeping it off, my partner and I have decided that we aren't ready to take this step. Thank you so much for your help.
I wish you both the best of love and luck. Keep talking and building your relationship...you might find yourself ready, willing and able to take this step or you might decide that you have everything you need at home! Either way you'll already be happy which is a wonderful place to be.
10/13/2011
Contributor: SexyStuff SexyStuff
I think it is awesome how open and honest you are with him. A lot of people today it seems would just sneak something on the side to sow their wild oats. So way to go! Also, maybe you two could try more experimentation together. New places, toys, techniques.
10/17/2011
Contributor: Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
Quote:
Originally posted by Rarity
After sleeping it off, my partner and I have decided that we aren't ready to take this step. Thank you so much for your help.
It's definitely not a decision that should be taken lightly, especially if both partners aren't wanting to give it a shot. If you are still looking for information on this or may consider again in the future, I recommend checking out link or other of Jinxypie's sites for information.
10/23/2011