Both times it fell through, yet I still want to mess around with other ppl but not be in relationships with them. Where does this leave me?
Me and my gf tried being Poly twice. But...
09/04/2011
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That really depends on why it didn't work out in the first place. If you're both still open to having sex with other people, then it is what it is: you both want to be with each other and share the responsibilities of life, but have flings or whatever on the side.
Be up front about the situation with any of the people you choose to sleep with. Use condoms until a set number of STI tests come back clean (a number you both agree on) if you plan on seeing someone more than once or regularly. Be honest about where your feelings lie with all people involved and respect everyone's boundaries.
If the rules are: don't ask, don't tell (about specific details) and use protection, then stick to those rules. If you feel like you're about to break them, then you need to open dialogue and handle the situation maturely and with honest communication and intentions.
If it's because of insecurity or jealousy or not being able to stick to boundaries, then an open relationship probably isn't right for you at this point. Then you must decide if you value sex with a lot of people more than your relationship or vice versa and go from there.
Be up front about the situation with any of the people you choose to sleep with. Use condoms until a set number of STI tests come back clean (a number you both agree on) if you plan on seeing someone more than once or regularly. Be honest about where your feelings lie with all people involved and respect everyone's boundaries.
If the rules are: don't ask, don't tell (about specific details) and use protection, then stick to those rules. If you feel like you're about to break them, then you need to open dialogue and handle the situation maturely and with honest communication and intentions.
If it's because of insecurity or jealousy or not being able to stick to boundaries, then an open relationship probably isn't right for you at this point. Then you must decide if you value sex with a lot of people more than your relationship or vice versa and go from there.
09/04/2011
It sounds to me like you're not happy in this relationship. If it tried and failed twice, chances are it isn't going to work a third time.
If you try to stay together, you will end up resenting her, and wanting to be with other people anyway. There's nothing wrong with being single - try it for a while. When you are absolutely sure you're ready for another relationship, the right girl (or guy) won't be far away.
If you try to stay together, you will end up resenting her, and wanting to be with other people anyway. There's nothing wrong with being single - try it for a while. When you are absolutely sure you're ready for another relationship, the right girl (or guy) won't be far away.
09/06/2011
Quote:
but i do love her in the end all i want is her but still want to sleep around. ive always had a tendancy to cheat.....so we went to open relationship for my sake
Originally posted by
LibertyGirl
It sounds to me like you're not happy in this relationship. If it tried and failed twice, chances are it isn't going to work a third time.
If you try to stay together, you will end up resenting her, and wanting to be with other people ... more
If you try to stay together, you will end up resenting her, and wanting to be with other people ... more
It sounds to me like you're not happy in this relationship. If it tried and failed twice, chances are it isn't going to work a third time.
If you try to stay together, you will end up resenting her, and wanting to be with other people anyway. There's nothing wrong with being single - try it for a while. When you are absolutely sure you're ready for another relationship, the right girl (or guy) won't be far away. less
If you try to stay together, you will end up resenting her, and wanting to be with other people anyway. There's nothing wrong with being single - try it for a while. When you are absolutely sure you're ready for another relationship, the right girl (or guy) won't be far away. less
09/12/2011
Quote:
why did it fall through? if i had more of an idea of what the problem was i might be able to give advice...?
Originally posted by
XzombehxbearzX
Both times it fell through, yet I still want to mess around with other ppl but not be in relationships with them. Where does this leave me?
09/12/2011
Quote:
There's your first problem. Opening a relationship solely based on the fact that you can't stop cheating is never going to work out. She'll never be comfortable with what you're doing if she isn't open minded about open relationships in the first place.
Originally posted by
XzombehxbearzX
but i do love her in the end all i want is her but still want to sleep around. ive always had a tendancy to cheat.....so we went to open relationship for my sake
Cheating is never accidental. You don't just fall into someone else's genitals and say "whoops, it just happened". It is always intentional, maybe not planned, but always intentional.
If you love her, you'll do what's best for her. You have to make a choice.
09/12/2011
CutiePatootie
Quote:
I agree with Stormy. My husband has a "wandering eye" and he knows it, but after 2-3 years of no threesomes or anything and him staying commited to me I've become fine with it, I know it's there and he would never ever cheat on me because no matter what he knows my feelings and would not hurt me in that way.
Originally posted by
Ansley
There's your first problem. Opening a relationship solely based on the fact that you can't stop cheating is never going to work out. She'll never be comfortable with what you're doing if she isn't open minded about open
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more
There's your first problem. Opening a relationship solely based on the fact that you can't stop cheating is never going to work out. She'll never be comfortable with what you're doing if she isn't open minded about open relationships in the first place.
Cheating is never accidental. You don't just fall into someone else's genitals and say "whoops, it just happened". It is always intentional, maybe not planned, but always intentional.
If you love her, you'll do what's best for her. You have to make a choice. less
Cheating is never accidental. You don't just fall into someone else's genitals and say "whoops, it just happened". It is always intentional, maybe not planned, but always intentional.
If you love her, you'll do what's best for her. You have to make a choice. less
We have opened the realtionship up to both of us being with another woman, but there are a lot of ground rules on both sides of it so that no one is hurt/upset/jealous. If there's a girl he kinda likes and thinks I would like, he puts it on the table and we talk about what that would mean if it were to happen.
09/21/2011
It might be that instead of a committed poly type relationship what you are really looking for is a shorter less intense encounter like a swinging type relationship. Sigel is like you, XzombehxbearzX, in that he loves me with every ounce of his being but still likes the amazing feelings he gets meeting and enjoying a sexual encounter with another person (or even couple). He doesn't want to invest a lot of emotional energy in another relationship (though he is open to the idea should the right woman come along).
I am not the type to desire casual sex or non-emotionally invested sex as I don't really get turned on by the pysical sensations of sex as much as the stimuation of being with someone I care for deeply. So for most of our marriage we had a series of poly and swinging type encounters that went horribly wrong.
Once we learned to allow each other to decide for ourselves what we wanted/needed from our relationships we really connected as a couple and were able to really appreciate being together but open.
So all that being said, I would give you the same advice I gave Sigel and Arch gave us both: Do some soul searching and really decide what, exactly, you are looking for. Once you can communicate what it is you are wanting/needing you can begin to ask for it...until you do this youare shooting in the dark hoping to hit the target, which isn't fair to either of you. Your parter needs to do the same for herself. This isn't a cooling off period, mind you, just a time of reflection and inward looking.
Use the time to REALLY get to know your partner and yourself and how the two interconnect..this will have two purposes:
First it will crystallize where your lives intersect relieving jealousy and possessiveness (if you already possess it you won't NEED to posess it). This allows for a playmate (or even a potential third partner) to have a special place that belongs to them woven into the web of your lives more naturally.
Second it allows you to go looking for what you really want/need in a playmate or partner. This sets you up for success rather than another failure. Even if you never find anyone else, it opens the door to the possibility, which, I am sure you will agree, is the really exciting part of being in an open relationship!
On another level this sort of deep reflection and connection also allows your lady to feel like she is part of this whole adventure rather than the one on the sidelines. She will be better able to advise you and care for this potential playmate/partner because she will know the reasons you are attractd to her/him. This also alleviates jealousy or at least mitigates it.
Anyhow, good luck and keep on lovin'
I am not the type to desire casual sex or non-emotionally invested sex as I don't really get turned on by the pysical sensations of sex as much as the stimuation of being with someone I care for deeply. So for most of our marriage we had a series of poly and swinging type encounters that went horribly wrong.
Once we learned to allow each other to decide for ourselves what we wanted/needed from our relationships we really connected as a couple and were able to really appreciate being together but open.
So all that being said, I would give you the same advice I gave Sigel and Arch gave us both: Do some soul searching and really decide what, exactly, you are looking for. Once you can communicate what it is you are wanting/needing you can begin to ask for it...until you do this youare shooting in the dark hoping to hit the target, which isn't fair to either of you. Your parter needs to do the same for herself. This isn't a cooling off period, mind you, just a time of reflection and inward looking.
Use the time to REALLY get to know your partner and yourself and how the two interconnect..this will have two purposes:
First it will crystallize where your lives intersect relieving jealousy and possessiveness (if you already possess it you won't NEED to posess it). This allows for a playmate (or even a potential third partner) to have a special place that belongs to them woven into the web of your lives more naturally.
Second it allows you to go looking for what you really want/need in a playmate or partner. This sets you up for success rather than another failure. Even if you never find anyone else, it opens the door to the possibility, which, I am sure you will agree, is the really exciting part of being in an open relationship!
On another level this sort of deep reflection and connection also allows your lady to feel like she is part of this whole adventure rather than the one on the sidelines. She will be better able to advise you and care for this potential playmate/partner because she will know the reasons you are attractd to her/him. This also alleviates jealousy or at least mitigates it.
Anyhow, good luck and keep on lovin'
09/21/2011
Total posts: 8
Unique posters: 6