The New Intimacy

Length of Your Poly Relationship

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Contributor: VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
I've been in a committed relationship with my two partners (an equal triad) for nine years now. Of course, when we got together, we heard a lot of comments like, "That can never last." If you are in a poly relationship, how long have you been with your current partners?

This is not meant to ask how long you've been poly or in an open relationship in general, but how long your CURRENT relationship dynamic has lasted, i.e. how long you've all been together, counting from the person who is "newest" to the realtionship.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Things change too often to even keep track.
3  (9%)
Less than six months.
7  (22%)
Six months to a year.
4  (12%)
A year to two years.
Two to five years.
7  (22%)
Five to ten years.
4  (12%)
Ten to twenty years.
Over twenty years.
My poly relationship doesn't work that way.
1  (3%)
I'm not poly.
6  (19%)
Total votes: 32
Poll is closed
04/22/2012
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Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
I've been with my first partner over 25 years and we became an acknowledged triad five years ago. People tell us all the time it can't last, but then people told Sigel and I that we would eventually break up...so now we just nod and walk away.
04/22/2012
Contributor: VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
Now when people say that, I say, "Well, most MONOGAMOUS relationships don't last; most relationships don't last, period." Most people date, break up, move on, date, break up, move on, until they find "the one", thus meaning most of their relationships don't last, and even then, marriages do have a significant failure rate (averages). I'd say, for a serious relationship (living together, committed), 9 years is a good start!
04/22/2012
Contributor: badk1tty badk1tty
Quote:
Originally posted by VelvetDragon
I've been in a committed relationship with my two partners (an equal triad) for nine years now. Of course, when we got together, we heard a lot of comments like, "That can never last." If you are in a poly relationship, how long have ... more
I'm poly, my husband isn't. Thus, monogamous.
04/22/2012
Contributor: AutumnNight AutumnNight
I just joined into a poly relationship with a couple, so very new into it, and honestly a little worried about the stigma of how people view poly relationships. Mostly my family. But I haven't come out to them yet that I'm gay yet either...so I know in my personal life there will be a few hurdles.
04/23/2012
Contributor: VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
Quote:
Originally posted by AutumnNight
I just joined into a poly relationship with a couple, so very new into it, and honestly a little worried about the stigma of how people view poly relationships. Mostly my family. But I haven't come out to them yet that I'm gay yet ... more
I understand, AutumnNight. Coming out can be very difficult. We were very lucky that all three of our families have been extremely supportive and accepting! When I was young, though, I really didn't know how my family would take that I was not straight, and I stressed for a long time over coming out (it ended up being anticlimactic for me, which was its own stress).

There are some great resources on the web about coming out, though mostly oriented at coming out in terms of sexuality, not relationship style. They apply to both, I think. Has your family expressed negative views on polyamory or homosexuality?
04/23/2012
Contributor: AutumnNight AutumnNight
Quote:
Originally posted by VelvetDragon
I understand, AutumnNight. Coming out can be very difficult. We were very lucky that all three of our families have been extremely supportive and accepting! When I was young, though, I really didn't know how my family would take that I was not ... more
Homosexuality, yes, at least from my father. But I'm not even honestly sure what my parents know about poly relationships - besides the usual 'oh so you want a harem'...

So I've been avoiding getting into it with them until I get into a stable and established relationship, but have been doing a lot more reading lately on it - especially since this is such a new thing for the three of us anyways and want to make everyone feel comfortable with it.
04/23/2012
Contributor: VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
Quote:
Originally posted by AutumnNight
Homosexuality, yes, at least from my father. But I'm not even honestly sure what my parents know about poly relationships - besides the usual 'oh so you want a harem'...

So I've been avoiding getting into it with them until I ... more
That's unfortunate. :/ Well, if you haven't read it, The Ethical Slut is an amazing book on the subject.
04/23/2012
Contributor: AutumnNight AutumnNight
Quote:
Originally posted by VelvetDragon
That's unfortunate. :/ Well, if you haven't read it, The Ethical Slut is an amazing book on the subject.
I have! It's actually what opened me up to the idea, as I didn't have much of an idea of polyamory before then. But thank you for the support, it's nice to talk to like-minded folk.
04/23/2012
Contributor: PassionQT PassionQT
Hubby has had his BF for 2+ years now. I can't find anyone who wants to "date" , even casually.
04/23/2012
Contributor: Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Quote:
Originally posted by VelvetDragon
I've been in a committed relationship with my two partners (an equal triad) for nine years now. Of course, when we got together, we heard a lot of comments like, "That can never last." If you are in a poly relationship, how long have ... more
I have never been in a poly relationship before.
04/23/2012
Contributor: lisasharrer lisasharrer
Quote:
Originally posted by VelvetDragon
I've been in a committed relationship with my two partners (an equal triad) for nine years now. Of course, when we got together, we heard a lot of comments like, "That can never last." If you are in a poly relationship, how long have ... more
2 weeks
04/23/2012
Contributor: CadmiumKitty CadmiumKitty
Soo much drama!
04/24/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by CadmiumKitty
Soo much drama!
I, actually, have found there was much more drama in my monogamous years than there is now-a-days. Could be our ages though or the fact that we are finally happy 100%.
04/24/2012
Contributor: VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
Quote:
Originally posted by CadmiumKitty
Soo much drama!
There's absolutely no drama in my poly relationship. I hate drama, and wouldn't be happy in a drama-based relationship.

I think there is more drama in monogamous relationships set up with jealousy as a measuring point of success (i.e. "he's jealous so he must really love me"). I've seen so many relationships like that. Possessiveness leads to a lot of drama, in my opinion. Especially when it gets to the point of, "OMG were you looking at him/her??" Not to mention the worries of losing someone to someone else. Less of that in a poly relationship because people are willing to share, no need to leave. XD

So at least for me, poly relationships are less drama.
04/24/2012
Contributor: AutumnNight AutumnNight
I have to agree.

It also seems like in a poly relationship people tend to talk more or be more open in confronting any potential drama to make sure it doesn't happen. I know I can get a little dramatic at times, but the further into this relationship I go, the less that seems to be an issue.

I never had such open conversations in any of my previous mono relationships, which is maybe why they never lasted for me. lol.
04/24/2012
Contributor: VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
Quote:
Originally posted by AutumnNight
I have to agree.

It also seems like in a poly relationship people tend to talk more or be more open in confronting any potential drama to make sure it doesn't happen. I know I can get a little dramatic at times, but the further into this ... more
I definitely agree! The poly community is really strong on drilling a few concepts into newbies, too -- communication, transparency, honesty, communication, trust, equality, communication.... Did I mention communication? Haha. I know when we first started exploring the concept, and read some books on the subject, it really got us TALKING.
04/24/2012
Contributor: thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
My triad relationship is very young, but we're all rising sophomore college students, so that's hardly surprising. We would all very much like our triad to be a long term relationship, though.
05/15/2012
Contributor: Tangles Tangles
Quote:
Originally posted by thisisadeletedaccount
My triad relationship is very young, but we're all rising sophomore college students, so that's hardly surprising. We would all very much like our triad to be a long term relationship, though.
That's very similar to my situation! We're all in college currently and we're a new triad. All of us are new to the poly scene.
06/09/2012
Contributor: xOhxSoxScandalousx xOhxSoxScandalousx
We're not into that.
07/08/2012
Contributor: animepanda89 animepanda89
I am not poly but I have been involved in a FWB relationship with someone who is for going on two months.
07/10/2012
Contributor: smlove smlove
My wife and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. We haven't found any regular partners, but we've shared many partners over the past 2 1/2 years. We keep falling for straight girls : /
08/22/2012
Contributor: The Kitty The Kitty
Quote:
Originally posted by VelvetDragon
I've been in a committed relationship with my two partners (an equal triad) for nine years now. Of course, when we got together, we heard a lot of comments like, "That can never last." If you are in a poly relationship, how long have ... more
I'd have to go with 5-10 as the average, 1 is 22 yrs, the next is 6 yrs, then 5, then 2 and all are happy and hoping to continue for a long time
08/22/2012
Contributor: thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Quote:
Originally posted by Tangles
That's very similar to my situation! We're all in college currently and we're a new triad. All of us are new to the poly scene.
Oh cool! It's neat to hear of the existence of other triads in similar situations. I hope yours is going well!
09/01/2012
Contributor: LAndJ LAndJ
I'm not poly, and I'd worry about there being too much drama and jealousy.
09/03/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by LAndJ
I'm not poly, and I'd worry about there being too much drama and jealousy.
...as opposed to the drama and jealousy in a monogamous relationship? My parents are totally monogamous and have been their entire marriage, as far as they tell it, and their house is a war zone. I am still trying to deal with the after effects. Neither my parents nor my grandparents ever told their respective partners they would choose them again if they had the chance. BOTH of mine have said they would be with me in a heartbeat if they had to choose all over again.

I know my partners are with me because they WANT to be there not because of some social convention. I never worry that some pretty young thing will turn their heads, or that they secretly want out. I have no fear of jealousy because there's nothing to be jealous of...if I need more time or attention I can simply say so.
We have very little drama in our house even though we are parenting three children and planning a complete change of residence, job and area of the Country.

This past Summer we have dealt with massive surgery, Pertussis, zero sex lives, allergies, gas prices, food costs going up, a drought and living in two separate Countries. Through it all I have had two strong sets of shoulders to cry on and some amazing friends who are ready and willing to help out...especially with the sex part!

Honestly? I have no idea how monogamous couples do this, we were a gigantic mess, Sigel and I, when it was just the two of us.
09/07/2012
Contributor: SmutGeek SmutGeek
We're in it for the long haul but so far we've been together as a couple for 3 months but together as play partners and friends with benefits for 6 months...
12/29/2012
Contributor: RosesThorns RosesThorns
S and I have been together almost a year, but he and his wife have been married 21 years.
01/01/2013