The New Intimacy

Jealousy problems?

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Contributor: sexy19364 sexy19364
I've been curios about poly for a while now, but every time I mention it to my fiance, he starts getting jealous and asking me if he is inadequate. how can I explain to him that a person can love more than one partner?
03/12/2011
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Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by sexy19364
I've been curios about poly for a while now, but every time I mention it to my fiance, he starts getting jealous and asking me if he is inadequate. how can I explain to him that a person can love more than one partner?
To be honest, you can't. Your best bet would be to table the whole thing until you have given him the courage to see that love and sex are not the same thing. Really what you are looking for is a situation where a new love interest adds something to your relationship that is above and beyond the basic necessities. Work on the relationship you already have without pining for something that may or may not be a good addition to your life.
If you feel something is lacking in your current set up then work on the current set up to get what you need out of it. What do you think you will get out of a poly lifestyle that you aren't getting in your monogamous lifestyle? There are ways to add those elements into your relationship while building your partner's trust and confidence.
It's never going to be easy to introduce polyamory to a closed relationship, it can be done and done successfully but it isn't an easy or fast process. Check out some of the other forum posts on this subject here at EF. There's world's of good advice and suggestions from those of us deep in the trenches!
03/15/2011
Contributor: That Guy That Guy
Airen knows more about this than I ever will, so her advice is going to be infinitely more valuable than mine. However, because it hasn't been said already: you should probably accept at the outset that this may turn out to be a deal breaker. Some people just aren't wired for this sort of thing (or don't want to be), and your guy may be one of them. You may, after years of working on this, realize that it's just not going to happen and have to decide between him and the potential for a poly relationship. I'd think long and hard right now about how important it is to you and if you're going to be resentful about it later if it never happens.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Take Airen's advice and check out the forums.
03/15/2011
Contributor: sexy19364 sexy19364
Thank you for your input. It's very helpful.
03/15/2011
Contributor: UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
Also, you're only 18. Most people that age have enough relationship trust issues as it is without bringing additional partners into play. Just comes with the territory of growing up. You have plenty of time to explore your sexuality; don't rush it.
03/16/2011
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
Good info above.
03/16/2011
Contributor: miamortis miamortis
my husband went through this also. if your man wants another woman its easier to show him that he isnt inadequate. if he wants only you then maybe you should rethink polyamory.
04/04/2011