Well, when one expects just one person, normally their mate, to provide all of the necessary variety of social interaction and emotional support to meet all of their needs (so that this individual never has to say, find a friend to confide in or hang out with), we call this relationship unhealthy and the person's expectations unrealistic. Now, physical needs can be a lot less pressing and varied, but for some people they are very vast, and expecting one person to provide for all of the necessarily variety with these individuals can be similarly unhealthy.

To take the analogy further, it does not hurt a relationship to have friends other than your beau, it strengthens it. You are still primarily emotionally attached to your mate, and having other outlets helps keep healthy perspective and you from becoming needy and demanding. This same thing can be true of the physical realm - if an open relationship is done right, the extra physical playmates do no harm (the reverse, in fact) to you and your primary's physical and emotional relationship. After all, sex is, in the end, just another level on which to connect with someone.

This is, of course, just my take on it. Others may be more helpful. Good luck and well wishes with the relationship complicated-ness! less

see, that's the issue. he doesn't view sex as i do. i have a vastly larger number of past partners than he, and view sex as a way to connect as well. in frustration at him one day i told him, 'by the way, i've slept with nearly all of my guy friends!' and it's true. it's a way to connect for me, really.

for him, he loses a piece of me each time i sleep with someone else.


i tried the analogy about love not being quantitative, there's an infinite amount of it to go around. it's not as if i have 100 units of love and give 50 to someone else i'll only have 50 left for him. he didn't really get that.


but you're right, and that's a great way to explain it. we try having other friends, why not other lovers? i've also noted to him that the idea of having one person to fulfill ALL one's needs is pretty far-fetched, but he still wants monogamy. me, only me. we shall see...


thanks so much for responding! and i kiss your little doggie. less

To someone who has grown up with monogamy all around them, taught as the only way, and believes thoroughly in it - how would you explain the logistics of an open relationship?

My ex-beau and I split up due to differences in belief as far as sex and mono/polygamy. We're talking about possibly trying to repair our relationship, but the thing is I really want to have an open relationship.

I'm wondering how you explain an open relationship to folks who really don't understand or know anything about them at all? Folks only ever exposed to monogamous relationships often have a hard time grasping the benefits of an open relationship.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated! Thanks!


PS. If you're worried about me, don't be. I know this will never work if we're not both on the same page, and that an open relationship is something both partners have to be completely open to in order for it to work. A compromise of sorts may end up being the solution, or I may have gotten this out of my 'system.' Who knows. We're taking it slow. less

see, that's the issue. he doesn't view sex as i do. i have a vastly larger number of past partners than he, and view sex as a way to connect as well. in frustration at him one day i told him, 'by the way, i've slept with nearly all of my guy friends!' and it's true. it's a way to connect for me, really.

for him, he loses a piece of me each time i sleep with someone else.


i tried the analogy about love not being quantitative, there's an infinite amount of it to go around. it's not as if i have 100 units of love and give 50 to someone else i'll only have 50 left for him. he didn't really get that.


but you're right, and that's a great way to explain it. we try having other friends, why not other lovers? i've also noted to him that the idea of having one person to fulfill ALL one's needs is pretty far-fetched, but he still wants monogamy. me, only me. we shall see...


thanks so much for responding! and i kiss your little doggie. less

To someone who has grown up with monogamy all around them, taught as the only way, and believes thoroughly in it - how would you explain the logistics of an open relationship?

My ex-beau and I split up due to differences in belief as far as sex and mono/polygamy. We're talking about possibly trying to repair our relationship, but the thing is I really want to have an open relationship.

I'm wondering how you explain an open relationship to folks who really don't understand or know anything about them at all? Folks only ever exposed to monogamous relationships often have a hard time grasping the benefits of an open relationship.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated! Thanks!


PS. If you're worried about me, don't be. I know this will never work if we're not both on the same page, and that an open relationship is something both partners have to be completely open to in order for it to work. A compromise of sorts may end up being the solution, or I may have gotten this out of my 'system.' Who knows. We're taking it slow. less