Yikes! What a very complicated situation. I can see how that'd happen. I would worry about it too, but that type of lifestyle is SOOOO not something I've ever or ever could do. I guess it's just how people are. You always have people you like more or have more feelings for. It's normal, everyone likes other people in different ways. Like friends even. I have friends who are fun, but I might not love to be around as much as others. So I guess this is a natural thing, for them to take more to one of you. Seems like it would definitely happen (either them like you or your partner more).

I'm sorry to hear you're sad though. I'd feel kind of down too.

But if they're only "putting up with you" to be with your husband, is it really a trinogamous relationship or more just a twosome kind of relationship in their eyes -- the girl's eyes? Maybe she isn't really into having both of you, but wants your husband and thinks 'well, if the only way I can have him is if is wife is involved too, that's what I'll do.'


You also mentioned discussing being with separate people.. maybe you and your husband aren't longer interested in being a couple, but just prefer to stay married and still have each other there when you need each other?

I'm sorry that I have no helpful answers or advice. Maybe you and your husband need to both think very seriously about what you want and talk it out. Have you told him that you feel left out? I suppose, if you both want to continue this lifestyle, maybe your idea of just going your separate ways as far as dating goes is the best idea. That way you find someone just for you and he finds well, he keeps getting what he's getting.

I do hope it works out though.

Hugs to you
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The desire to be with separate people doesn't mean the couple are looking to stay together for convenience...it means they are willing to have other loves in addition to their own for each other.

Mimi and her husband have tried numerous threesomes and haven't found someone who shares their goals or is willing to work with them to achieve these goals. One of their goals was to have someone that they both loved as a third (partner). What they are discussing is maybe opening up to the possibility of looking individually rather than as a couple for a special someone (or someones) this in no way means they are tired of each other or looking for something they can't provide each other.

Honestly, this is a problem that creeps up more often than not simply because people don't understand the joy and intoxication of loving someone so much that you want to see that love reflected in the eyes of someone else. The real issue is Mimi wants to share in that circle of love WITH her man rather than just being witness to it. I can relate totally. It sucks to want to get to know someone and have them subtly let you know they aren't interested in you.

I would, however be very firm with her and with him that you will not be made to feel like you are the one intruding, either the door is wide open or she needs to not let it hit her on the ass as she leaves. Be firm mostly with her that you are looking for someone who wants to be with you both not someone who is a metamore (a loved on of a loved one...that you care about but don't love necessarily). You are looking for a triad not a V. Don't give up though...she may be a bit unsure about how to proceed, there's no manual for this sort of thing.

For now, until things settle down, love them where they are and hope for the best. The middle of a giant move is not the best time to be trying to do some heavy adult processing. Then maybe you could consider loosening the ties a bit and just enjoying a bit of "on the side" until that special someone...or someones come along. Face it he loves you, you love him and that's not likely to change. If she puts pressure on him to leave you cut her...plain, simple and quickly.

All kidding aside Best of luck to you three...I'm here to talk if you want. less