Hi! I am part of a triad. An outsider looking at me might consider me a unicorn, since I am a female dating a married couple. However, none of us was looking for a triad at the time. I fell for my girlfriend and gradually got to know her husband. He and I started a relationship about 8 months after my girlfriend and I did. It evolved naturally.

So, I know that what you are looking for is a very nice thing once you get it. Big cuddle piles, sexy three-ways. I also know from firsthand experience that it is also a more complicated way to do poly than a standard "V".

The difficulty with *searching* for a triad is that the odds are not very high that a person is going to be attracted to both you and your husband (and be willing to be poly). We already limit our dating pool significantly by being poly.

And personally I think that it is a little icky to have the restriction of "if you want to be with me, you have to be with my partner" on a potential partner. I don't want anyone to be romantically involved with me if they don't genuinely want to be. Setting up that assumption can set up sexual pressure. Sexual pressure is a turnoff for me.

Letting relationships evolve naturally, rather than constraining them before you even meet the person, has been so important in my poly journey.

A really big part of poly is examining your own cultural assumptions and emotions. Poly is hard work. I would gently suggest that you think about whether it's absolutely necessary for your potential partner to be involved with your husband.

If that is out of the question, then I guess I don't have any advice for you. But if you're willing to mull it over, there are a lot of good resources for people who are thinking through these kinds of things:

1. Polyamory Weekly podcast. link This show is sometimes kinda random - it can be about kinky elements in TV one week and working through poly stuff the next. I'd recommend episodes 330, 311, and 277 to start. You can search terms in the search box. Note that in episode 330 when she says "opening your relationship to a third" she doesn't really mean in a triad sense, just in the sense of any outsider having a relationship with someone in an established couple.

2. link This site is written by Franklin Veaux, who I love. He is wise and experienced without being rude or holier-than-thou.

3. link. This is a forum with a good number of experienced poly people. They definitely have wisdom to impart, but sometimes do so rather forcefully. They may not sympathize with your unicorn hunt, but if you are open to considering other ways of doing poly, they will be a good resource.

Some people swear by the books The Ethical Slut and Opening Up. I found The Ethical Slut to be very theoretical. It might be useful for people who need their cultural assumptions reprogrammed but it wasn't helpful for me. Opening Up is useful to provide you with several possible relationship models. But if you are set on a relationship model already, maybe not the most useful.

Anyway, I hope that helps. Good luck! less