The New Intimacy

Is it possible for a monogamous relationship to successfully into a poly relationship?

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Contributor: Tangles Tangles
I ask because I am currently in a monogamous relationship. I closed it on up because my current partner wasn't comfortable with the idea of an open relationship, although he has never tried. Lately he's been reading into poly relationships and seems to be warming up to the idea. I don't want to pressure him into anything; I'd rather him come to a decision on his own. It would certainly be a change for us, though.

Have you heard any success stories or have been a success story of a monogamous relationship turned poly?
03/20/2012
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Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Tangles
I ask because I am currently in a monogamous relationship. I closed it on up because my current partner wasn't comfortable with the idea of an open relationship, although he has never tried. Lately he's been reading into poly relationships ... more
We are an example of how opening your relationship can work and actually make the realtionship better, stronger and deeper. So, yes, it can work but I will warn you it is HARD work and it takes a dogged commitment to learning to change your world views about sex, love and commitment. For some people it just doesn't work, for whatever reason, and they aren't happy in a non-monogamous relationship...and rarely do I find that these people are too jealous, mostly it takes a toll on the relationship because of time issues, or the enormous time spent on processing at first. It does get easier IF you are happy being non-monogamous but if you aren't then no amount of trying will work.
I would advise going very slow and roleplaying a bit, reading up on both successful and not so successful relationships and build your core relationship to be as strong as it can be...practice your communication (especially listening without judgement or defense) skills and generally take a breath and dream together a little. Let the energies settle and form and you might find a special someone or someones showing up in your life sort of natural like.
I am available to answer any questions you may have...just drop me a note!
03/20/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Anything is possible. Is it likely? It depends on how hard both people are willing to overcome the natural reactions of jealousy, anger, and over-protection of each other within the relationship and the additional relationships. It often takes years of communicating and tweaking boundaries to get it "just right" for the couple. And only the two of you can decide if it's going to work for you or not.

The best piece of advice you could ever receive is to choose your new partners very wisely.
03/20/2012
Contributor: Ciao. Ciao.
I can't give you any advice from personal experience, but there's no reason why a strong relationship with good communication can't be made into a successful open/poly relationship. I'd definitely say give your partner the space he needs to figure out if this is a good fit for you both and then lay out clear boundaries that both of you agree on, choose your partner(s) carefully, and be willing to pull back or go slowly if things aren't going as well as you both hope.
03/20/2012
Contributor: Tangles Tangles
Good advice from you all! Thank you very much. I'll keep all that in mind.
03/21/2012
Contributor: sneako sneako
Quote:
Originally posted by Tangles
I ask because I am currently in a monogamous relationship. I closed it on up because my current partner wasn't comfortable with the idea of an open relationship, although he has never tried. Lately he's been reading into poly relationships ... more
heard plenty of success stories... some broke up eventually but so do monogamous couples
03/23/2012
Contributor: xxjoel xxjoel
Sounds like it could work! Maybe make his first poly experience shared, or just him-- that way he warms up to the funness of it before having to deal with any jealousy.
03/29/2012
Contributor: thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
My partner and I were monogamous for over half a year before a third person became a part of our relationship. It was an intense change and a lot of cuddling, checking in, and clear communication was needed, but we are really happy with our current arrangement and I have no qualms about calling it a success. =)
05/30/2012
Contributor: Crimson Vixen Crimson Vixen
I attempted a polyamorous relationship with my fiance that ended very traumatically. The female we had allowed into our relationship was actually only trying to sabotage it. Her motive was to steal my fiance away rather than be a partner to both of us.

I'm afraid that the experience has made me very deterred from polyamory, whereas before, I used to be comfortable enough that if my partner and I felt the right person had come along it would not have been a problem to slowly introduce them into our relationship.
07/08/2012
Contributor: Nohtice Nohtice
I just recently got into a relationship with someone that is polyamorous. I'm monogamous, always have been. However my partner is essentially wanting me to be devoted only to him, but since my partner is polyamorous, my partner wants to pursue other relationships too. I would like to be with other people too. It is wrong to assume that my partner is greedy for not wanting me to pursue another relationship yet I'm expected to let him pursue multiple relationships with other lovers? This doesn't seem right. Should I discuss this matter with my partner?
01/12/2019